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(Opposing Views)   One sign that you hired the wrong hitman to murder your wife: she kills the hitman with a claw hammer   ( opposingviews.com) divider line
85
    More: Fail, Edward Haffey, murders  
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10517 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Apr 2014 at 1:26 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



85 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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scottydoesntknow [TotalFark]
2014-04-15 11:58:46 AM  
campblood.orgView Full Size


Approves
 
factoryconnection [TotalFark]
2014-04-15 12:21:39 PM  
Well since someone is actually awake here and updating headlines to reflect reality:

It just goes to show you shouldn't underestimate the amount of sh*t that nurses are completely accustomed to dealing with, from life-or-death situations to violent assault and resistance from drugged-out and/or psychotic patients.  Even little old ladies go apeshiat on caregivers when their dementia leaves them confused about what the hell is going on.  Punk-ass hitman didn't know he what he was jumping in to.

But something tells me her old man is going to stay far away.
 
The Stealth Hippopotamus
2014-04-15 12:32:02 PM  
sign you married the right woman.

that's hot
 
Cake Hunter [TotalFark]
2014-04-15 01:00:03 PM  
Bump a ditty
Bump a ditty
Bump a ditty
*blood spurts*
Tag lick.
Fin.
 
TwistedIvory
2014-04-15 01:11:48 PM  
TFA: Eight years ago, one woman was confronted by a hit man who had been hired by her husband to murder her. She killed the hit man with her bare hands.... Susan bravely fought back and wound up killing the hit man with her bare hands.

...
"I got the hammer and started hitting him with the hammer several times," recalled Walters in 2006. "My father, the carpenter, always taught me a hammer could be used for self defense - the claw end would work the best."

Dear Dominic Kelly: Bare hands != claw hammer.
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2014-04-15 01:14:49 PM  
TwistedIvory:

Dear Dominic Kelly: Bare hands != claw hammer.

I guess she wasn't wearing a glove on the hand that held the hammer.
 
vernonFL [TotalFark]
2014-04-15 01:26:40 PM  
Wasn't that a movie with Michael Douglas and Gwennwth Paltrow and Aragorn?
 
Yaw String
2014-04-15 01:29:13 PM  
She nailed him
 
AspectRatio
2014-04-15 01:29:37 PM  
static.squarespace.comView Full Size

approves
 
cgraves67
2014-04-15 01:30:45 PM  

The Stealth Hippopotamus: sign you married the right woman.

that's hot


That's what I was thinking. I'd be damned impressed (although not surprised) if my wife killed an attacker with a claw hammer.
 
sithon [TotalFark]
2014-04-15 01:32:09 PM  
I work in health care. The constant lifting and pulling makes the nurses massively strong. An ER nurse would have the sangfroid to deal with a dangerous situation , because of all the shiat they deal with every day.
 
chewd
2014-04-15 01:35:44 PM  
"It was eventually uncovered that Michael Kuhnhausen had paid Haffey $50,000 to murder Walters "

i.imgur.comView Full Size


So THATS what happened to him!
 
DiarrheaVanFrank
2014-04-15 01:36:18 PM  
OOOOHHHH
johnlange.files.wordpress.comView Full Size
 
fireclown
2014-04-15 01:37:37 PM  

The Stealth Hippopotamus: sign you married the right woman.

that's hot


I had a woman try to kill me with a claw hammer once.

Was NOT hot.
 
NightOwl2255
2014-04-15 01:38:05 PM  
His last words were, "you're strong." I'm guessing the family left that out of the obit. I hope my last words are, "don't fight girls, you'll both get your turn."
 
stevarooni [TotalFark]
2014-04-15 01:39:30 PM  
He's ready to help!
screenrebellion.comView Full Size
 
you are a puppet
2014-04-15 01:39:34 PM  
Haha, I watched some Investigation Discovery program about this story, and they showed photos of the hitman compared to the nurse. He was way out of his weight class.
 
shifter_
2014-04-15 01:39:40 PM  
Bad Pun Replies:

1. Getting hammered Friday night!
2. Her maiden Name must have been "Sledge"
3. Nail'd Him!
4. Pound Out a Victory.
and the worst one possibly........

5. Can't touch this!
 
vudukungfu [TotalFark]
2014-04-15 01:40:32 PM  
She even gave him a chance to stop. Offered to call him the amberlamps.
jesus. dude. take the offer.
 
Sirlan
2014-04-15 01:40:36 PM  
Kudos to the woman on offering to stop and call him an ambulance.    You think at that point he would have just gave up and went with an associated charge.
 
MichiganFTL
2014-04-15 01:42:05 PM  

shifter_: Bad Pun Replies:

1. Getting hammered Friday night!
2. Her maiden Name must have been "Sledge"
3. Nail'd Him!
4. Pound Out a Victory.
and the worst one possibly........

5. Can't touch this!


6. Stop! Hammer time!
7. By the power of Thor!
 
BEER_ME_in_CT
2014-04-15 01:45:40 PM  
Shes a handsome Woman.
 
moike
2014-04-15 01:46:07 PM  
My Stepmom was an ER Nurse... and amazingly deceptively strong.

Rule 1.   Do not fark with ER Nurses as they are quite confident that they can kick your ass and patch up any damage they cause post-asskicking.
 
JohnCarter
2014-04-15 01:46:51 PM  
What you hope the lady with a hammer looks like

hqwallpapersplus.comView Full Size
 
Dwight_Yeast
2014-04-15 01:49:08 PM  

fireclown: I had a woman try to kill me with a claw hammer once.


ONCE!
 
SmackLT [TotalFark]
2014-04-15 01:49:30 PM  
*house phone rings, wife picks up*

Husband: "You done?"
Wife: "Done with what?"
*awkward silence*
 
CygnusDarius
2014-04-15 01:50:08 PM  

JohnCarter: What you hope the lady with a hammer looks like

[hqwallpapersplus.com image 707x960]


Daaaaaamn.
 
hundreddollarman
2014-04-15 01:50:27 PM  
"Amateur."

static.giantbomb.comView Full Size
 
AbiNormal
2014-04-15 01:50:40 PM  
I think I will just keep my f*cking mouth shut. Not going to say a word about her or to her.
 
HighTechHick
2014-04-15 01:53:01 PM  
I'm no psychic, but I am pretty sure he's gonna get cold sandwiches for dinner.
 
AbiNormal
2014-04-15 01:56:33 PM  
She should take the hammer to his parole hearing.
 
Magorn [TotalFark]
2014-04-15 01:57:36 PM  

sithon: I work in health care. The constant lifting and pulling makes the nurses massively strong. An ER nurse would have the sangfroid to deal with a dangerous situation , because of all the shiat they deal with every day.


Mom Was a Nurse, tiny little slip of a 120lb woman who stands 5'2.   Mom also worked in a dangerous hospital in a bad neighborhood that bordered the worst parts of DC.   Dad was a big man, 6ft, 250,  I was an even bigger one 6'3 350 at one point....Escorting her to and from work was a regular feature of my teen/young adult years and while we were both very protective of her, we somehow both knew that if the shiat every REALLY hit the fan she'd be the dangerous one the bad guys would REALLY have to worry about

Susan bravely fought back and wound up killing the hit man with her bare hands.
"His last words on this earth were 'you're strong,'" recalled Susan Walters

That's hardcore
 
pan fried monkey spunk
2014-04-15 02:00:27 PM  

TwistedIvory: TFA: Eight years ago, one woman was confronted by a hit man who had been hired by her husband to murder her. She killed the hit man with her bare hands.... Susan bravely fought back and wound up killing the hit man with her bare hands.

...
"I got the hammer and started hitting him with the hammer several times," recalled Walters in 2006. "My father, the carpenter, always taught me a hammer could be used for self defense - the claw end would work the best."

Dear Dominic Kelly: Bare hands != claw hammer.



There's a link in the article to a story from 2006 where she says she pushed him to the floor, got on his back, put her arm under his neck and strangled him until he stopped moving.

In that other article it says he had started hitting her with the hammer and doesn't mention her hitting him with the hammer at all.
 
scubamage
2014-04-15 02:01:54 PM  
Good for her. Also, stupid hitman. What was he trying to do, strangle her?
 
pan fried monkey spunk
2014-04-15 02:02:04 PM  
Oops - other article is from 2012 not 2006.

http://www.katu.com/news/local/Woman-tells-how-she-survived-a-hit-man - 141716843.html">http://www.katu.com/news/local/Woman-tells-how-she-su rvived-a-hit-man- 141716843.html
 
robertey
2014-04-15 02:05:06 PM  
Probably the only hitman ever hired by an ordinary person that was not, in fact, an undercover FBI agent.
 
Magorn [TotalFark]
2014-04-15 02:09:03 PM  

moike: My Stepmom was an ER Nurse... and amazingly deceptively strong.

Rule 1.   Do not fark with ER Nurses as they are quite confident that they can kick your ass and patch up any damage they cause post-asskicking.


During her studies to become a PA, my sister did a rotation in the ER at Houston's Ben Taub Hospital (AKA the Houston Knife and Gun Club)  here "welcome to hell, rookie" moment came when they brought in a couple who had been in a domestic altercation and beat each other so badly they both needed urgent patching up in the ER.  The couple continued to verbally spar with each other even as the doc went to work, and then suddenly my sis was being thrown to the flood by one of the cops who brought the couple in as a stray bullet whizzed by where she had been seconds before.  The man of the couple had grabbed one of the Cops' guns and was trying to finish off the wife.  The remaining cops immediately each put at least one bullet center mass in the guy.....whereupon the ER personnel all picked themselves up off the floor and immediately went to work trying to revive the guy and patch him up (unsuccessfully)
 
JustHereForThePics
2014-04-15 02:10:04 PM  
Well, at least it wasn't a firearm! Because then she would be a huge scaredey cat pussy.
 
That Guy Jeff
2014-04-15 02:17:03 PM  
I can see why he hired someone instead of doing it himself.
 
moothemagiccow
2014-04-15 02:18:13 PM  
Is it really that hard to get along with the person you married?

Why the hell are these people getting married?
 
Satanic_Hamster [TotalFark]
2014-04-15 02:18:44 PM  

stevarooni: He's ready to help!
[screenrebellion.com image 672x403]


Old Boy is old news.  The new hotness is Hammer Girl:
nerdist.comView Full Size
 
Dirty J1
2014-04-15 02:20:00 PM  
Haha ameteure... I wonder what he paid for that guy. In the hitman business, you get what you pay for. Going rate minimum for a respectable professional hitman is around 50,000, give or take depending on the political/societal status of said target. Plus 5000 in expenses. This guy was obviously not a professional and did the job for next to nothing.
 
decloaked lurker
2014-04-15 02:22:56 PM  

Magorn: moike: My Stepmom was an ER Nurse... and amazingly deceptively strong.

Rule 1.   Do not fark with ER Nurses as they are quite confident that they can kick your ass and patch up any damage they cause post-asskicking.

During her studies to become a PA, my sister did a rotation in the ER at Houston's Ben Taub Hospital (AKA the Houston Knife and Gun Club)  here "welcome to hell, rookie" moment came when they brought in a couple who had been in a domestic altercation and beat each other so badly they both needed urgent patching up in the ER.  The couple continued to verbally spar with each other even as the doc went to work, and then suddenly my sis was being thrown to the flood by one of the cops who brought the couple in as a stray bullet whizzed by where she had been seconds before.  The man of the couple had grabbed one of the Cops' guns and was trying to finish off the wife.  The remaining cops immediately each put at least one bullet center mass in the guy.....whereupon the ER personnel all picked themselves up off the floor and immediately went to work trying to revive the guy and patch him up (unsuccessfully)


Did she end up marrying the cop later? That's what movies have taught me to expect in those kinds of situations.
 
pan fried monkey spunk
2014-04-15 02:23:33 PM  

Dirty J1: Haha ameteure... I wonder what he paid for that guy. In the hitman business, you get what you pay for. Going rate minimum for a respectable professional hitman is around 50,000, give or take depending on the political/societal status of said target. Plus 5000 in expenses. This guy was obviously not a professional and did the job for next to nothing.


FTFA: ''It was eventually uncovered that Michael Kuhnhausen had paid Haffey $50,000 to murder Walters.''
 
WelldeadLink [TotalFark]
2014-04-15 02:23:53 PM  
What? I should not have hit the hitman? Isn't that what they're for?
 
Cthulhu_is_my_homeboy
2014-04-15 02:25:19 PM  
Came to say "Don't fark with ER nurses" but I see that's been well taken care of.
 
rageaholic
2014-04-15 02:30:16 PM  
I mean a botched incident like this, I think you have to question the sobriety of that hitman. Was he drunk? Hammered.
 
Dirty J1
2014-04-15 02:31:28 PM  

pan fried monkey spunk: Dirty J1: Haha ameteure... I wonder what he paid for that guy. In the hitman business, you get what you pay for. Going rate minimum for a respectable professional hitman is around 50,000, give or take depending on the political/societal status of said target. Plus 5000 in expenses. This guy was obviously not a professional and did the job for next to nothing.

FTFA: ''It was eventually uncovered that Michael Kuhnhausen had paid Haffey $50,000 to murder Walters.''


Haha maybe I should have read the article first. But damn if i wasnt spot on with the cost after all! Well the guy was still an ameteure. Or had too short of a time frame. A proper hit takes a month to several months of recon, surveillance, working out a plan, covering your tracks, etc. it's common sense.
 
DanZero [TotalFark]
2014-04-15 02:34:17 PM  
 
DogBoyTheCat
2014-04-15 02:38:07 PM  
When will people ever learn?
Unless you have actual bona fide mob connections, don't bother finding a hit man.
Your odds of getting caught are much lower if you just do it yourself.
 
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