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(Chron)   "I now pronounce you man and wife." And then the hellfire erupted   ( chron.com) divider line
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10662 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Apr 2014 at 3:12 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



41 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2014-04-06 11:03:44 AM  
Now that we've changed the definition of marriage God has to smite the heterosexuals to be politically correct.
 
zooter [TotalFark]
2014-04-06 11:07:00 AM  

vpb: Now that we've changed the definition of marriage God has to smite the heterosexuals to be politically correct.


Exactly. If there's one thing God is known for, it's tolerance.

That, and betting on sports.
 
Confabulat [TotalFark]
2014-04-06 11:15:05 AM  
Either God or a drunken ex-boyfriend in the kitchen with all the cooking oil.
 
twistedmetal
2014-04-06 12:03:08 PM  
Was the bride hot?
 
EvilEgg [TotalFark]
2014-04-06 12:04:20 PM  
My sister had her reception there
 
Benevolent Misanthrope [TotalFark]
2014-04-06 12:47:36 PM  

EvilEgg: My sister had her reception there


Well that explains it, then.
 
JoieD'Zen
2014-04-06 01:08:11 PM  
It's an omen.
 
cretinbob [BareFark]
2014-04-06 01:08:58 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
MaudlinMutantMollusk [TotalFark] [BareFark]
2014-04-06 01:10:20 PM  
Note to self: don't let Great White's former effects guy plan the after-vow celebration
 
Nogrhi [TotalFark]
2014-04-06 02:17:48 PM  
There is probably a cream to treat that burning sensation...
 
b2theory [TotalFark]
2014-04-06 02:45:07 PM  
Based on the headline I just assumed this story was going to be from the tribal region in Pakistan
 
Fano
2014-04-06 03:14:05 PM  
That's what Chef gets for marrying a succubus.
 
farkingismybusiness [TotalFark]
2014-04-06 03:17:32 PM  
Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka? Where is marinated herring?
 
dywed88
2014-04-06 03:18:04 PM  

b2theory: Based on the headline I just assumed this story was going to be from the tribal region in Pakistan


Yeah, I was betting on "US drone attacks wedding in response to celebratory gunfire"
 
farkingismybusiness [TotalFark]
2014-04-06 03:18:40 PM  
Red Wedding cosplayers admit they went a little overboard.
 
Hickory-smoked
2014-04-06 03:20:11 PM  
Was it officiated by James Cameron?

i2.cdnds.netView Full Size
 
anthonix
2014-04-06 03:23:06 PM  
Oh shoot.  I was hoping it was from one of these.
previewcf.turbosquid.comView Full Size
 
ReverendJynxed
2014-04-06 03:25:47 PM  
God has spoken.
 
Molavian
2014-04-06 03:25:49 PM  
Wedding planner Michael Bay.
 
Fano
2014-04-06 03:25:53 PM  
Esmeralda married Phoebus? Is downtown Paris or the second arrondissement OK?
 
Dellirium
2014-04-06 03:26:37 PM  
Trust me. Now that he said I do, the hellfire is only beginning.
Revisit in 10 years and let me know.
 
Fano
2014-04-06 03:27:02 PM  
*and zhose bells! Zey haven't rung in years!
 
Daedalus27
2014-04-06 03:31:31 PM  
I have to say, I have a good feeling about this marriage....
 
SoupJohnB [BareFark]
2014-04-06 03:32:43 PM  
/Rodney Dangerfield voice on:  "Hey, I wish one of them bombs had gone off at my wedding - would have spared me a second mortgage!"

//adjusts loose necktie
 
GBB
2014-04-06 03:34:35 PM  
Great White plays weddings now.   Good to know.
 
Savage Belief
2014-04-06 03:34:52 PM  
God hate breeders?
 
LiteWerk
2014-04-06 03:39:45 PM  
Years later, both bride and groom will look back and say that this was an obvious sign that it just wasn't destined to work out!
 
GBB
2014-04-06 03:40:01 PM  

SoupJohnB: /Rodney Dangerfield voice on:  "Hey, I wish one of them bombs had gone off at my wedding - would have spared me a second mortgage!"

//adjusts loose necktie


I'm not saying my wife's parents are evil, but after our wedding, the ground open up and my in-laws went home through it.
 
kling_klang_bed
2014-04-06 03:41:10 PM  
Best man = Walter White's rookie apprentice.
 
Bit'O'Gristle
2014-04-06 03:45:01 PM  
Don't worry, soon she will be biatching about the house, your paycheck, the kids, how she and you never talk, the bj's will stop, and so will the sex, she will gain 200 lbs, stop shaving her legs, then one day you'll come home and find her under the mailman getting a special delivery while you have been working


/Or maybe im just a optimist, it could get much worse than that.
//just saying.
 
FriarReb98 [TotalFark] [BareFark]
2014-04-06 03:54:54 PM  
Two things -
1) It was caused by some dumbass who doesn't know you DON'T FLICK CIGARETTES INTO MULCH!
and
2) Do you think they saved the gifts?
 
Bit'O'Gristle
2014-04-06 03:59:08 PM  

FriarReb98: Two things -
1) It was caused by some dumbass who doesn't know you DON'T FLICK CIGARETTES INTO MULCH!
and
2) Do you think they saved the gifts?


/is grinding them out in mulch ok?
 
kettir
2014-04-06 05:17:36 PM  
I only WISH I'd had that much warning at MY wedding.
 
cwolf20
2014-04-06 06:29:31 PM  
I wonder if Starbucks will send hellish coffee decorated in pentagrams and 666 to celebrate this joyous celebration.  Well, outside of their normal hellish coffee that they don't bother to decorate.
 
Dellirium
2014-04-06 07:09:50 PM  

Bit'O'Gristle: Don't worry, soon she will be biatching about the house, your paycheck, the kids, how she and you never talk, the bj's will stop, and so will the sex, she will gain 200 lbs, stop shaving her legs, then one day you'll come home and find her under the mailman getting a special delivery while you have been working


/Or maybe im just a optimist, it could get much worse than that.
//just saying.


Hey! You aren't a mailman on my route are you? How the hell did you know so much?
 
MarkEC
2014-04-06 08:47:52 PM  
FTA: "The Sun Chronicle reports (http://bit.ly/1eiUCwQ ) "

Can someone explain why a newspaper would use a URL shortening service to link to another newspaper instead of using the real URL as a link to it?  IE: The Sun Chronicle reports...
 
FriarReb98 [TotalFark] [BareFark]
2014-04-06 09:04:37 PM  

MarkEC: FTA: "The Sun Chronicle reports (http://bit.ly/1eiUCwQ ) "

Can someone explain why a newspaper would use a URL shortening service to link to another newspaper instead of using the real URL as a link to it?  IE: The Sun Chronicle reports...


Better question - why would anyone use the Houston Chronicle when the story takes place in Foxboro?
 
BigNumber12 [TotalFark]
2014-04-06 09:11:21 PM  
Ah good, looks like I wasn't the only one who came here expecting the story to be about another line being added to Obama's war resume.
 
Guadior42
2014-04-07 09:20:52 AM  
Flower girl sought for questioning:

media2.firstshowing.netView Full Size
 
Bit'O'Gristle
2014-04-07 09:28:00 AM  

Dellirium: Bit'O'Gristle: Don't worry, soon she will be biatching about the house, your paycheck, the kids, how she and you never talk, the bj's will stop, and so will the sex, she will gain 200 lbs, stop shaving her legs, then one day you'll come home and find her under the mailman getting a special delivery while you have been working


/Or maybe im just a optimist, it could get much worse than that.
//just saying.

Hey! You aren't a mailman on my route are you? How the hell did you know so much?


/runs
 
lilbjorn
2014-04-07 12:12:29 PM  
Because some lazy jackass couldn't be bothered to put out his cigarette before tossing it.
 
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