Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(10 News)   This burning woodpile is now BEEEEES OH GOD NOT THE BEEEEES   ( divider line
    More: Scary  
•       •       •

5280 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Mar 2014 at 9:24 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-03-08 12:19:36 PM  
2 votes:
I was mowing my yard in the small strip in front of my fence when I felt an ugodly pain in my ankle (I was thoughtful enough to wear protective clothing such as shorts and sandles). Apparently I had discovered a nest of the vicious hell-beasts commonly known as yellow jackets. I got stung twice more in the back of the legs and in the farking ear before I was able to escape the ever growing cloud of malice.

I was unable to fight back while they were an organized orgy of bloodlust, so I retreated to home home to wait...and plot. Come evening and a quick trip to the store I was ready to enact my revenge. Slowly, with the stealth of a ninja and the grace of a cat, I crept up to their murder-hole. Two of them stood guard, silently waiting at the entrance, ready to explode pain-juice like Satan's testicles. They had no idea of the horror about to befall them.

Slowly I raised the can. I whisper "Scher dich zum Teufel!" I don't know why I thought they would understand German, but if there was ever a language a truely evil being would use, it would be German. And then I unleashed the holy jihad of my chemical attackand sprayed 3/4ths of the contents of the can into their lair. And that's when, quite literally, all hell broke loose. Thousands of the bastards took to flight. But wait! What's this? They were having trouble flying, and were falling to the ground in convulsions. Their tiny minds didn't know why their bodies would no longer obey the orders to spread misery and strife. All they knew was pain. Hopefully the same pain they inflicted on me.

I watched. For a while. Taking almost an obscene amount of pleasure in watching the last spark of life fade from the first to be exposed. Then I left them to wallow in misery for Adventure Time was on. The next day I returned to the killing fields to survey my handiwork. Corpses were everywhere. Providing no threat, yet still looking as menacing as the day before. While the soldiers littered the ground, upon glancing into the abyss they called home, I could see many more corpses. Presumably the women and children who died while using the last of their stength to try and crawl to the freedom of fresh air and dying within sight of it.

Upon seeing the death and destruction I caused I could only stare in stunned silence, before I managed to speak two words. "Fark you" I said. "Fark you."
2014-03-08 12:15:03 AM  
1 vote:

Bith Set Me Up: [ image 600x325]

"Save yourselves!"

"Your firearms are useless against them!"

Aaaaaaand, we're done.
2014-03-07 10:43:56 PM  
1 vote:

Sum Dum Gai: In a brush pile?  That's a wasp nest, not a bee hive.  Wasps have the more dangerous sting, as well.

As Futurama has taught us, Bees and Wasps are the same thing.
2014-03-07 09:46:27 PM  
1 vote:
At least the bees aren't in a dogs mouth so that when it barks it shoots bees.
2014-03-07 09:29:00 PM  
1 vote:
i1079.photobucket.comView Full Size

"Who dares interrupt my nest?!?!"
Displayed 5 of 5 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.