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(AP)   Settle down people, those South Park guys have it all wrong. People don't get their own planets in the afterlife   ( hosted.ap.org) divider line
    More: Strange, South Park  
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10074 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Feb 2014 at 7:38 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2014-02-28 08:46:28 AM  
This is how schisms are created. Like we need more versions of Mormonism.
2014-02-28 08:49:40 AM  

flondrix: BlackArt: Not what they told me when I was a Mormon.

An overzealous Mormon who was trying to convert me told me the whole "get your own planet" thing back in the 80's.  I say "overzealous" because the church has a policy called "Milk before meat" which essentially translates to "save the really weird stuff for after they've already converted", and this guy wasn't following it.

Was his name elder Cunningham?
2014-02-28 08:49:51 AM  

Terrible Old Man: A Terrible Human: Lol Mormonism is always hilarious because of how dumb it sounds.

Imagine for a moment, you are a man with no religion whatsoever and never have even heard of such a thing. Some fool comes along and explains <any religion> to you in an attempt to get you to join him.

They all sound hilariously dumb.

I dunno. Some sound pretty cool. I mean, who doesn't want to go to Valhalla?
2014-02-28 08:53:13 AM  

Weatherkiss: Bawdy George: Weatherkiss: Getting outraged at South Park is like getting outraged over something Howard Stern says on the radio. When they're at it long enough you just expect this shiat to happen and it loses its shock value.

...and religious texts are full of shock value when you accurately describe their contents in detail.

So are End-User License Agreements. But just like the Bible you just scroll down to the end and click, "I agree with everything"

opencmdline.comView Full Size

/loves me some good analogy
2014-02-28 08:54:28 AM  

Livinglush: Old Man Winter: I know, I am just getting old, and I love the south park guys, but they just won't let up on the Mormons.
I mean sure a few joke and maybe an episode about "haha your belief is stupid because we say so haha". But then a musical that will never go away? Seems really dickish and I can't stand Mormons.
Are they making comedy or just using free speech to bash a minority group they don't like?


A lot of fun was made of Mormonism but despite the fun made against them; they were portraying as good people with positive intentions.

The Mormons (mostly) were the "good guys."

Naive but well intentioned.

The church of latter day saints has seen a surge in inquiries and interest since the musical came out; you could argue that it is helping the church.
2014-02-28 08:56:27 AM  

Nix Nightbird: All I know is that when I was a young man, I went on a date with a Mormon girl. A single date. We kissed once. We didn't even sit together while we watched a movie in her parents' basement (she sat in one recliner, I in another), yet when the date came to its end she was talking about "our wedding."

Apparently, when you go on a date with a Mormon girl, you're agreeing to marry her or something like that.

We never had a second date.

I went out with the son of a Baptist preacher after my coworkers set me up. Imagine my surprise when our first 'date' was to watch HIM in his community college play while sitting next to his parents the whole time. The next 'date' was playing card with his family while watching Kung fu movies, and the last straw was going to a 'birthday party', but he would say whose. Turned out it was Jesus' birthday party. He tried to make out with me on the way home and I told him to fark off, basically. Batshiat crazy.
2014-02-28 08:59:40 AM  

Rezurok: Watubi: Hey, there's so much we don't know about the brain, time and all that.  It could be that in that final instant when the brain gets that last, faint pump of blood, that final moment could seem like an eternity.  In that eternity, you get to live in a dream-like state where the universe IS your own.  As as atheist, that's all I have to hope on anyways.

I'm partial to the multiverse theory myself, the one where from your perspective you live forever.  Nothing's stopping atheists from coming up with their own versions of immortality.

Pffft! Immortality? Try Extramortality. And don't try bringing the aleprachaunists into this. They haven't been relevant in 15 years.

2014-02-28 09:15:27 AM  

skyotter: except Europa
attempt no landing there

+1 interwebs for yuo!
2014-02-28 09:36:55 AM  

kitsuneymg: sminkypinky: Clarifying the finer points of your religous beliefs is like explaining why Unicorns are white

[static1.wikia.nocookie.net image 300x168]

Do go on.

You can't see the pink one, because pink unicorns are invisible.

2014-02-28 09:39:01 AM  

Akuinnen: BlackArt: Not what they told me when I was a Mormon.

Former mormon.. I concur.

Um, are you concuring with the "get your own planet" thing, or concuring with the denial?
2014-02-28 10:00:10 AM  
"As man now is, God once was.  As God now is, man may become."

This line of horseshiat is called "The Law of Eternal Progression," and it *IS* still taught today.
2014-02-28 10:15:35 AM  

tzzhc4: The myth has been around long before South Park or their musical Mainly because it isn't a myth just word play.  Mormons believe if they good they get their own "kingdom" where they are god.

[i.ytimg.com image 480x360]

You know who else is rewarded with a kingdom where they are as gods?
2014-02-28 10:53:38 AM  

DerAppie: You know who else is rewarded with a kingdom where they are as gods?

These guys?

24.media.tumblr.comView Full Size
2014-02-28 10:56:07 AM  
2014-02-28 11:07:15 AM  

flondrix: DerAppie: You know who else is rewarded with a kingdom where they are as gods?

These guys?

[24.media.tumblr.com image 500x357]

Not quite, but there are some similarities.
2014-02-28 12:13:24 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
2014-02-28 02:02:51 PM  
I KNEW it was REAL
img2.wikia.nocookie.netView Full Size

2014-02-28 02:49:54 PM  

flondrix: Akuinnen: BlackArt: Not what they told me when I was a Mormon.

Former mormon.. I concur.

Um, are you concuring with the "get your own planet" thing, or concuring with the denial?

If you read all of BlackArt's post, it's clear he's not denying the "get your own planet" thing at all, but pretty much confirming it... He's denying the whitewash story mentioned in the article...
2014-02-28 02:51:56 PM  

bborchar: This is how schisms are created. Like we need more versions of Mormonism.

Mormonism has already gone though a couple schisms, those fine folks practicing polygamy in texas and Mitt Romney's relatives who fled to Mexico so they could have their "thumbs" in more pies are testament to that.  There was also a group that settled an island in what I believe was Lake Michigan and their views actually are LESS whackadoodle than the main LDS church.

It's almost like bullshiat breeds bullshiat...
2014-02-28 03:09:41 PM  

Angela Lansbury's Merkin: For those that miss it way down at the very bottom of the AP article, here is the link direct to the post on the LDS site.

And here is the scripture that the get their own planets when they die comes from, it was not quoted in full on the essay.
""Then will they become Gods...they will never cease to increase and to multiply, worlds without end. When they receive their crowns, their dominions, they then will be prepared to frame earths like unto ours and to people them in the same manner as we have been brought forth by our parents, by our Father and God" Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses 17:143 "

And more quotes that imply you become like god and get to populate your own worlds:

I am so sick of you assholes trying to pretend that Angela Lansbury wears a murkin!  I will have you know that her pubic region is covered in a dense inpenistrable thatch of hair, so much so that it is insured for fire damage.  Her hair can be styled or dredlocked or but into luxurious braids, she has partial mental control of it like Medusa from the Inhumans as well.  You dickbags can go to hell, raped by a bear with a razor penis made of hepatitis aids!!

Wait, I'm thinking of Elsa Lancaster.          I retract my statement.
2014-02-28 03:24:07 PM  
"figurative and ambiguous"

I love it when all of the crazy shiat is shrugged off like that but everything else is infallible truth.  Idiots and charlatans every last one.
2014-02-28 03:25:45 PM  

tinyarena: nekom: So are they going to back off on the belief that the native Americans came from Israel?  Or any of their other phony archaeology that science has debunked?

Also, I love to point out that a book report on the Book of Mormon written by Mark Twain exists, and it is awesome.   http://www.mrm.org/topics/documents-speeches/mark-twains-review-book- m ormon

Thanks for that. I value Mr. Twains opinion of all things.

Here's a weird story for those who are not familiar with this brand of American Lunacy:
And it came to pass,,,that I spent a week in Salt Lake City, Utah one time. Wherefore in those days the Book of Moroni came illustrated with color reproductions of what I thought were paintings.

But if you took the tour of the Visitors Center to the Mormon Temple in Salt Lake City, Utah you find out that those weren't mere paintings - they were reproductions of giant wall murals. And I do mean giant. These murals are several stories tall and as wide as a city block on the walls inside the vast Visitors Center to the Mormon Temple in Salt Lake City, Utah.

Salt Lake City is the most Mormony Mormon city on this whole planet. And a state capital where the temple is bigger than the capital building. These were huge paintings indeed, of places and people that never existed. And events that never happened. No geological record. No cultural record. No genetic record. Purely imaginary. One might even go so far as to say, fraudulent.

And I was surrounded by an admiring crowd that kept nodding and smiling as the tour guide explained the significance of each one...

It was the closest I ever came to being in a Twilight Zone episode. I've never been back.

You were in one of the least mormony mormon areas in all of Utah.  That is what makes this even funnier, SLC is the crazy liberal big city.  I live in a town in Idaho with a much higher percentage of mormons than SLC, and the creepy farkers are all over every aspect of public life.  I worked with a pair of returned missionaries (who BTW would always ask to borrow porn, this was a little before the internet made it so easy) I walked in on their conversation as they discussed what they would do if they had a gay child.  Their consensus which I was expected to agree with was..... THEY WOULD KILL THEIR CHILDREN IF THEY WERE GAY.  Serious non joking statement.  KILL THEIR CHILD IF IT WAS GAY it was the only option that they could conceive.  Raised mormon, half my family still is not just bashing, I escaped that shiat by pretending to be sick every sunday till forced to go when I really was sick, then vomiting up the tiny water and Wonderbread they feed you as I ran up and down a church hallway.  Didn't have to go back after that, 11 years old and I could see through that shiat, the more you learn about it the stupider you think mormons are.
2014-02-28 04:13:55 PM  

KidKorporate: There was also a group that settled an island in what I believe was Lake Michigan and their views actually are LESS whackadoodle than the main LDS church.

I believe there is also a "less whackadoodle" group in Missouri that split off from the LDS as it was migrating westward.
2014-02-28 06:53:23 PM  

buckler: Molavian: You only get a mansion.

And a yacht?

The virgins, what about the virgins?
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