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(Fox News)   "There really is a God. I was shot at and my Bible absorbed the bullets"   ( foxnews.com) divider line
    More: Scary, Bibles, god, Dayton Daily News, Ohio  
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3848 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Feb 2014 at 6:04 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-02-25 07:37:16 AM  

doglover: If those who choose to pray properly have their prayers answered, how is that a violation of free will?


Let's apply a little logic here, shall we?

Say that you pray for a specific outcome. If god had a different outcome in mind, then you are praying to change god's mind. In essence, telling god that god's planned outcome is wrong, and lobbying for your intended outcome. I doubt your god will be very accommodating in the face of the implied insult. If god's intended outcome is the same as your outcome, it's possible that god may become offended at your cheekiness and deliberately switch to another outcome out of spite. You would hope that your god wouldn't be that petty, but let's be realistic here. This is a god who closely watches everybody's genitals all of the time, as well as one who condemned all of humanity for two toddlers being corrupted by the degenerate that god left them alone with. I think your god's plenty petty enough.
 
2014-02-25 07:37:21 AM  

Day_Old_Dutchie: Hallelujah!
[s28.postimg.org image 580x427]
Steve Jobs is up there looking out for me!

http://www.mactrast.com/2012/02/iphone-stops-a-speeding-bullet-saves -o wners-life/


It's all good if someone is shooting a .22 at you. But you'd be ass-out with a .45
 
2014-02-25 07:38:46 AM  
 
2014-02-25 07:40:27 AM  
Well this proves that there is a God if the man did not die.
 
2014-02-25 07:40:34 AM  
That bus driver is a bad ass.  He was able to fight off ALL of his attackers, and survived a point blank shooting.

/In other news, Dayton, Ohio is a shiat hole.
 
2014-02-25 07:42:25 AM  
I'm going to need more Watchtowers.
 
2014-02-25 07:46:27 AM  

Somacandra: mamoru: But as an honorary, if not official, member of the Fark Anti-Religion Brigade (or whatever we're being called now), it's obligatory to get a dig in. ;)

How about the Fark Anti-Religion Tiraders?

F.A.R.T. has a nice ring to it :-)


I second your motion.
 
2014-02-25 07:48:49 AM  

doglover: mamoru: he couldn't be bothered to intervene in the lives of the assailants to prevent them becoming attempted murderers.

Actually, it's my understanding that in the dogma God made humans specifically to have free will. That's why sin CAN exist. They choose to become murderers. God prevented it because it wasn't part of HIS plan. The reason God doesn't interfere more is because free will was part of his plan, too. The angels have no free will but do only God's will.

If you're going mock a religion, at least try to get the central tenant right. They worship the image of a demi-god letting himself be crucified as penance for the sins of all mankind. It's been going strong for 2000 years, most of which they've spent inventing philosophical tools like symbolic logic, spelling, and the revolver. I'm pretty sure there's less cognitive dissonance than you're implying.


Nowhere is Free Will mentioned in the bible, and god never talks about it. To my mom, we are all technically in rebellion all the damn time. Childhood was fun.
 
2014-02-25 07:48:57 AM  
This is why I go around with The Book of Om on my at all times...


That big boy would stop a SAM.
 
2014-02-25 07:49:17 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: In the movie "The Experts", the defecting Russian agent is gunned down by the other Russian agent but is saved when the bullet is stopped by the Japanese portable cassette player in his pocket.

So God is Japanese. I really think so.


OK, I LOLd. Where have you been?
 
2014-02-25 07:50:02 AM  

doglover: mamoru: he couldn't be bothered to intervene in the lives of the assailants to prevent them becoming attempted murderers.

Actually, it's my understanding that in the dogma God made humans specifically to have free will. That's why sin CAN exist. They choose to become murderers. God prevented it because it wasn't part of HIS plan. The reason God doesn't interfere more is because free will was part of his plan, too. The angels have no free will but do only God's will.

If you're going mock a religion, at least try to get the central tenant right. They worship the image of a demi-god letting himself be crucified as penance for the sins of all mankind. It's been going strong for 2000 years, most of which they've spent inventing philosophical tools like symbolic logic, spelling, and the revolver. I'm pretty sure there's less cognitive dissonance than you're implying.


Welcome to Fark. The F.A.R.T. Patrol never allows logic or common sense to cloud their judgment.
 
2014-02-25 07:50:50 AM  

doglover: namatad: an innocent is killed by god ... god is great
an asshole is killed by god ... god is ...
an asshole lives by god ... god is ....
terrorists blow up the trade center god is great
god prevents a different suicide bomb ...


fark it
god is a complete and total asshole

god let bush 2.0 not choke to death on that pretzle ... god is an asshole

Well, yeah. Didn't ever read the old testament.

oglaf.com nails this one.

[media.oglaf.com image 760x596]


Who are the dickheads in the first panel?
 
2014-02-25 07:53:23 AM  

doglover: But if you've got a strapping big thunder god like Thor who's too busy dressing up like his sister to get his hammer back from horny giants to stop and help every warrior with a rock in his shoe


Fark is not you personal theological erotica site

/But it should be
 
2014-02-25 07:54:19 AM  
So he disarmed all three and then stormed Benghazi and bashed in some guys face with his rifle butt. And then his hot girlfriend moved to Canada.
 
2014-02-25 08:03:08 AM  

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: doglover: But if you've got a strapping big thunder god like Thor who's too busy dressing up like his sister to get his hammer back from horny giants to stop and help every warrior with a rock in his shoe

Fark is not you personal theological erotica site

/But it should be


bonekindred.weebly.comView Full Size
 
2014-02-25 08:14:24 AM  

doglover: namatad: an innocent is killed by god ... god is great
an asshole is killed by god ... god is ...
an asshole lives by god ... god is ....
terrorists blow up the trade center god is great
god prevents a different suicide bomb ...


fark it
god is a complete and total asshole

god let bush 2.0 not choke to death on that pretzle ... god is an asshole

Well, yeah. Didn't ever read the old testament.

oglaf.com nails this one.

[media.oglaf.com image 760x596]


Hey dog, thanks for the NSFW website.
I thought "hey, a new webcomic to read, let's check that shiat out". All the 'back' 'next' 'latest' 'first' ect links are squirting penises.
Which I didn't notice when I started reading the comic until a female coworker walked by and asked why I had a bunch of dicks on my screen.

So yeah, an awesome start to the morning.

Hope you got room on your couch for me and three dogs when I get fired.
 
2014-02-25 08:15:49 AM  
It's been proven time and time again, Jesus is NOT going to stop bullets. Heck, he couldn't even stop a couple of nails.
 
2014-02-25 08:16:06 AM  
i1.ytimg.comView Full Size


Doesn't always work
 
2014-02-25 08:16:49 AM  
Oh for fark's sake.

Here come the facebook posts about how god is good and this is a miracle.  All of which will ignore the fact that SOMEONE farkING SHOT HIM FOR FUN!
 
2014-02-25 08:19:22 AM  

mamoru: doglover: I don't think even the Christians think their god is omnipotent.

Hmmm... Really? I obviously think otherwise. I wonder if there is any good data regarding this. I mean, the phrase "God Almighty" is common enough, and I'm pretty sure Christians who say it, especially during religious services and such, mean it. But it could very well be said without thinking. I'd bet a huge majority really haven't given it much thought as most have been brought up with it and simply accept it because they always have.

I'm sure all of us, or at least many of us, could spout of anecdotes about Christians believing one way or the other, but I wonder if this is something that has actually ever been measured and if there is any data out there.

I wonder if any of Fark's resident Christians would be willing to chime in, in an obviously not-at-all-scientific-non-representative-just-out-of-curiosity poll: Do you believe your deity is all-powerful?


To the first emboldened comment, that was not my experience growing up in a devout Catholic family. I was never given the impression in all of the teachings that god was not omnipotent. He was very much an intervening god.

To the second emboldened comment, that was very much my experience. I never was encouraged to examine the bible or the churches teachings with a logical eye, for obvious reasons. I think that the church counts on the fact that nobody questions it.
/F.A.R.T
 
2014-02-25 08:20:51 AM  

RobSeace: What a Tut Suite may look like...


Got a condo made of stone-a
 
2014-02-25 08:31:34 AM  

MythDragon: Hey dog, thanks for the NSFW website.


I didn't provide a link, just a name. Just because "dot com" happens to be both the name and the url, you can't pin that on me. Anyway the site has a warning page that explains the comic is more or less NSFW.

You did all that to yourself. That's free will. Unless...

24.media.tumblr.comView Full Size
 
2014-02-25 08:47:14 AM  
lh6.googleusercontent.comView Full Size


God came down from Heaven and stopped these motherfarking bullets.
 
2014-02-25 08:49:11 AM  
"There really is a God. I was shot at and my Bible lieutenant absorbed the bullets"
 
2014-02-25 08:54:22 AM  

hardinparamedic: Mike_LowELL: [s3.amazonaws.com image 600x300]

Picture taken right before the incident.

[i.imgur.com image 720x540]

Woah ho. Almost posted something that shouldn't have been seen without an NSFW tag.


Wasn't entirely expecting to see furry bondage while browsing Fark.

...not that I'm particularly opposed or anything. Just a surprise is all.
 
2014-02-25 08:57:03 AM  
God invented hell.

Hell is the most evil concept ever imagined.

Therefore god is evil (or, more likely, non-existent (along with hell)).
 
2014-02-25 09:00:14 AM  
Since this is such a SERIOUS thread, allow me to inject a bit of jocularity.

/from Woody Allen's 1964 stand up routine:

"Years ago, my mother gave me a bullet...a bullet, and I put it in my breast pocket.

Two years after that, I was walking down the street, when a berserk evangelist heaved a Gideon bible out a hotel room window, hitting me in the chest.

The bible would have gone through my heart if it wasn't for the bullet in my breast pocket."
 
2014-02-25 09:00:19 AM  
eil.comView Full Size


Approves
 
2014-02-25 09:01:34 AM  
That's wonderful," said Peterson, who is 81. "I've heard stories about that happening during the second World War. I'm glad to be in the club."

I wonder whether there are any german WWII vets who were saved by Mein Kampf ...

doglover: Actually, it's my understanding that in the dogma God made humans specifically to have free will. That's why sin CAN exist. They choose to become murderers. God prevented it because it wasn't part of HIS plan. The reason God doesn't interfere more is because free will was part of his plan, too. The angels have no free will but do only God's will.


The problem I have with this "free will needs evil" thing is this: If the XPN God is all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-loving, why did he not grant us free will without creating evil? If he could not, then he is not all-powerful. If he didn't know how ...etc.

(I see Oglaf has already been posted)
 
2014-02-25 09:09:12 AM  
Gee, that's interesting, one of the few articles that didn't mention it as a "polar bear' attack.  No screening on Fark....
 
2014-02-25 09:12:38 AM  

doglover: MythDragon: Hey dog, thanks for the NSFW website.

I didn't provide a link, just a name. Just because "dot com" happens to be both the name and the url, you can't pin that on me. Anyway the site has a warning page that explains the comic is more or less NSFW.

You did all that to yourself. That's free will. Unless...

[24.media.tumblr.com image 500x375]


I can and will pin that on you. In fact, from now on, I am blaming you for *all* my troubles.
Get summoned to HR. Your fault.
Get popped for speeding. Your fault.
Suddenly decide to start smoking meth and end up in a downward spiral that cumulates with me giving $5 blowjobs behind a what-a-burger dumpster. Totally your fault.

/And I got no such warning page. Just comics and dick.
 
2014-02-25 09:17:32 AM  

doglover: Anyway the site has a warning page that explains the comic is more or less NSFW.


The hell it does
 
2014-02-25 09:35:26 AM  

MythDragon: And I got no such warning page.


The Slush: doglover: Anyway the site has a warning page that explains the comic is more or less NSFW.

The hell it does


Really? I ALWAYS get that page on computers that ain't my daily.

Hmmm.

This http://img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110822232603/oglaf/images/4/43/Ns fw.png is supposed to pop up when you visit for the first time.
 
2014-02-25 09:38:00 AM  

doglover: MythDragon: And I got no such warning page.

The Slush: doglover: Anyway the site has a warning page that explains the comic is more or less NSFW.

The hell it does

Really? I ALWAYS get that page on computers that ain't my daily.

Hmmm.

This http://img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110822232603/oglaf/images/4/43/Ns fw.png is supposed to pop up when you visit for the first time.


Actually, no, that's a bad url.

Hmm.
 
2014-02-25 09:38:32 AM  

doglover: Actually, it's my understanding that in the dogma God made humans specifically to have free will. That's why sin CAN exist. They choose to become murderers. God prevented it because it wasn't part of HIS plan. The reason God doesn't interfere more is because free will was part of his plan, too. The angels have no free will but do only God's will.


That is what I have heard as well, though I hadn't heard the angels bit, though it sounds in line with the rest of their thinking.

The problem with free will is that 1) if one is all-knowing, then why punish/reward people for things that aren't choices? Somewhere in the OT it even says something like "I know all that will become". So, why you down on us when we do the things that make us interesting ie sin, when you knew it was going to happen inevitably? 2) why is there a "plan" anyway? If I was an all-good God, I would just make perfection and happiness. Free will? Sure. BOOM: NO EVIL. No Satan, no death even. If I can think in 2 seconds how I would be a better God and not have to execute a sadistic "plan" for my amusement, then something is seriously wrong with that system. 3) why does a god need to be worshiped? That's...megalomania-level scary...

I mean what is this, the Matrix? Did the first people not accept the program? Is God bound by other rules? If so, why call him God? That is my problem with the supernatural: creating one causes more problems than it solves. I'd rather keep our main questions unanswerable than invent bad answers that spawn thousands of followup questions. It's ok to say "I don't know".
 
2014-02-25 09:46:25 AM  
i heard it stopped at Isaiah, since that's really difficult to get through.
 
2014-02-25 09:47:10 AM  
You guys are all wrong... God is just playing a game of Calvin Ball with us.
 
2014-02-25 09:51:36 AM  
This is why you never half ass it by carrying one of those mini-Bibles that is just the Gospels.
 
2014-02-25 10:02:01 AM  
I was saved once when a religious nut threw his bible at me and it deflected off a shirt pocket full of bullets that I was carrying.
 
2014-02-25 10:04:04 AM  
My favorite interpretation is that God, being all-knowing, knows of each and every path the timeline could take, ie: all the infinite parallel universes for every possible combination of decisions/actions.  Then he just lets us free will it and sees where it goes, sort of like plinko, but otherwise intervenes when necessary.  This way free will basically exists while God remains all-knowing and can even 'have a plan' if he wants to go mess around with what's going on.

Unfortunately, that brings up even greater issues, like if every possible thing that could ever happen does happen but in different universes, which 'plan' are we in and does free will actually exist given that we've brute forced our way through every possibility? Are we in the trial run or the real timeline?  Morally, how should we feel about our other selves getting screwed with an inferior plan if we happen to be in the main timeline?

Otherwise, as far as letting bad things happen. I'm pretty sure God likes drama and we're his entertainment.  It's like if you put a caterpillar and a beetle in a pen as a 10-year old and try to get them to fight.  Except in our case, we actually do instead of crawl around trying to escape.
 
2014-02-25 10:06:39 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: It'd take a 30mm depleted uranium round to punch through bullsh*t that dense


It would probably take a whole clip of them.
 
2014-02-25 10:10:15 AM  

PC LOAD LETTER: The problem with free will is that I haven't taken an introductory level course on the subject.



I don't have time go through and I'm not a christian anyway. Suffice ti to say der are answeres to yer questions. goodnight.
 
2014-02-25 10:14:23 AM  

doglover: PC LOAD LETTER: The problem with free will is that I haven't taken an introductory level course on the subject.


I don't have time go through and I'm not a christian anyway. Suffice ti to say der are answeres to yer questions. goodnight.


No there aren't answers. There are logical fallacies. I have heard the answers and I was a Christian when younger. Goodnight.
 
2014-02-25 10:18:24 AM  
Time for BIBLE ARMOR!
 
2014-02-25 10:20:53 AM  
Free Will. You are responsible for your own actions and the outcome of them. One day you will be mature enough to realize this.There comes a point in your life when you must learn to stop blaming other people. Regardless of your actions, God will still stand by you. It's why stupidity isn't a sin.


Unanswered Prayers. God (Holy Spirit) answers all prayers; you just might not like the answers you receive. Also, the answers come in God's time, not ours. If you don't believe me, just ask Tim Tebow; some things are more important than a football game.


Reading is Fundamental. It wouldn't have matter if he had been reading The Holy Bible, Harry Potter, Dante's Inferno or a Danielle Steele novel, a GOOD BOOK will bring happiness into your life. Support your local library.
 
2014-02-25 10:28:26 AM  
Meh. Altlas Shrugged, The Necronomicon, or Harry Potter would have done the same.
 
2014-02-25 10:34:17 AM  
I knew someone who had a bible with two bullet holes in it. It was her brother's. Apparently, he got drunk one night and had his buddy shoot at him with a .22 while he was holding it out in front of his chest.  They got a good bit of the way through it. In case you're wondering, the reason she had it was because Darwin caught up with him later in a flood.
 
2014-02-25 10:37:13 AM  

utah dude: i heard it stopped at Isaiah, since that's really difficult to get through.


You just made me laugh. Everyone is staring at me...
 
2014-02-25 10:50:05 AM  
utah dude: i heard it stopped at Isaiah, since that's really difficult to get through.

No, Chronicles 1 and 2 are difficult to get through. They read like an advertisement for Ancestry.com.
 
2014-02-25 10:54:12 AM  
This is why more people need to be carrying around Jack Chick tracts.
 
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