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(Some Food Nut)   Fark Food Thread: What makes the perfect cookie? Is it a special ingredient? Prepping a certain way? Don't hold out now, we've got milk ready and want fresh cookies... so help us out   ( divider line
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1029 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Feb 2014 at 5:00 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-02-20 03:08:38 PM  
8 votes:
2014-02-20 03:09:04 PM  
7 votes:
Not being filled with goddamned raisins.
2014-02-20 03:51:34 PM  
2 votes:
i.imgur.comView Full Size

12oz thick cut bacon, good, but not great, its going in cookies, dont waste neuskes on this
1/2 cup brown sugar, divided
1/2 cup (1 stick) salted butter, softened
1/3 cup rendered and cooled (solid) bacon fat
3/4 cup granulated sugar
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 shots (1.25oz ea) whiskey
2 large eggs
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour (1/4 cup reserved)
1 teaspoon baking soda
2 cups (1 12oz pkg) semi-sweet chocolate chips

Preheat your oven to 375, lay out bacon on a parchment lined, lipped baking pan and lightly sprinkle the brown sugar over the top, bake for ~15 minutes, flip, sprinkle with the remaining brown sugar and bake for ~5 more minutes until nice and crunchy, if a few edges look a little burnt, dont sweat it. Move the bacon to a rack to cool, drain and strain grease from the pan and set aside to cool too. You can leave your oven on 375 if theres not a bunch of sausage in the bottom that fell off the last frozen pizza you made and is gonna smolder and stink up the place.

Anywho... Put that 1/4 cup of flour in a small bowl, set aside for now.

In a slightly larger bowl combine the remaining 2.25 cups flour and the wee bit of baking soda. Set that aside too.
In a yet largerish mixing bowl, mix together the butter, bacon fat (youll need to dip into the container in the fridge, 12oz of bacon probably didnt give you enough fat (you dont have a container of bacon grease in the fridge? go make some regular cookies, you dont deserve these)), the sugars, vanilla, and one shot of the whiskey.

Why whiskey you may ask? Well if this were a normal cookie recipe, it would call for one cup (2 sticks) of butter. Were being awesome and replacing half that with delicious bacon fat. BUT! Butter is not 100% fat. In the US at least butter is around 80% fat and 20% water and milky stuff. So 1/2 cup 80% butter fat + 20% water = 80% bacon fat (~1/3 cup) + ~35% whiskey (one shot) Why a little more whiskey than water? whiskey is 40% alcohol, some of which is going to evaporate. Why not just use water? Because fish fark in it.

Oh yeah, the recipe called for 2 shots. Drink the other one.

Anyways... after all the fat and sugar and booze is creamed together, mix in the eggs one at a time until you have a fairly homogeneous mixture. Take a break from the dough here and chop your hopefully by now cooled candied bacon into manageable cookie appropriate chunks, maybe ~1/3". This stuff is sticky, if you added it to the dough as is youre going to wind up with a solid ball of candied bacon in the middle of the bowl. Delicious yes, but impossible to bake. Remember that first little bowl with the 1/4 cup of flour in it? Toss the sticky bacon pieces in that to keep them separate.

Now to bring it all together, mix in the flour/baking soda to the fat/sugar/eggs about 1/3 at a time, when thats all mixed, gently fold in the bacon pieces and the chocolate chips. Throw the dough in the fridge to chill while you empty the dishwasher so you can use the other baking pans that were in there (dont reuse the one you cooked the bacon on unless you want a big smokey mess), and so you can put all the dirty dishes from the pasta salad you made earlier in there so theres room on the counter for the cookies to cool. All or only some of that may apply to you, but regardless, chill the dough a bit.

On parchment (or silpat if youre rich) lined baking sheets, spoon out about 1.5 tablespoon sized balls of dough evenly spaced. You can do 3 rows of 4 or whatever, i kinda like 11 cookies per pan in a 4:3:4 pattern, but im weird like that. Bake @ 375 for 4 minutes, switch the pans around, top to bottom, back to front, then another 4 minutes, should be just starting to get golden brown around the bottom edged. Remove from oven and let cookies rest on the pans for another 4 minutes, then remove to wire racks to cool completely. Repeat with the rest of it. All of that should make about 5 dozen cookies depending on how much dough you eat before you get to the actual baking.
2014-02-20 11:47:46 PM  
1 vote:

keithgabryelski: StainedGlassRuby: StainedGlassRuby: standard tollhouse choc chip recipe with walnuts and dried cherries.  1/2 or all white choc if you prefer, but semi-sweet good, too.

PS  ALWAYS real butter and REAL vanilla extract

you should certainly use real butter and it should be unsalted.

but fake vanilla is actually better tasting according to the people at Cook's Illustrated (they taste test these things with thousands of people).  The reasoning: It's more intense and is probably (for Americans) what you are used to.

/just saying

I make my own vanilla extract.  It smells terrific and a quart-sized jar lasts forever.
2014-02-20 11:06:12 PM  
1 vote:

freetomato: bratface: CreativeFarkHandle: Lard

No, lard is for pie crust.

No, butteresque Crisco is for pie crusts.

I followed recipes for pie crust, and it was never quite right till I had the METHOD shown to me.....gently working the ice water in, patting it in, proper rolling method. My mother in law is an amazing Southern little old lady cook. I am a damn good cook myself but seeing a pie crust done in action made the difference. I'm a pie crust making monster. Will never buy a frozen one again.

/shortbread with Skor and pecans...I'm telling you....

have you tried using vodka in the pie crust -- it evaporates (reducing the total amount of liquid in the end product making it more flakey)
2014-02-20 05:23:49 PM  
1 vote:
2014-02-20 05:11:33 PM  
1 vote:
1. Raisins are always optional.
2. There isn't anything raisins can do that m&ms can't do better.
3. Alton Brown said 1 and 2.
4. His recipe for The Chewy is the best for chocolate chip cookies.
2014-02-20 04:50:17 PM  
1 vote:

DGS: Ponzholio: Walker: Mirrorz: Not being filled with goddamned raisins.

This has happened to me so many times and I rank these among the worst experiences of my entire life. HATE raisins.

[ image 500x664]

People who put raisins instead of chocolate chips in cookies should be arrested for fraud...

It's how I get your grubby hands off my cookies.

You shouldn't even be allowed to call them cookies... call them overlyripegrapies or something.
DGS [TotalFark]
2014-02-20 04:15:52 PM  
1 vote:

Blushing Wall Flower: Walker: DGS: Blushing Wall Flower: When it comes to chocolate chip cookies, baking them until they're darker brown and crispy makes them perfect in my book.

Clearly we can no longer be best friends.


Soft and gooey warm chocolate chip cookies for the win!
If your face isn't covered in chocolate after eating them they suck.


I didn't want to make you cookies anyway.

This works out. I have my cookies, you have yours, and we share the bottle. Everybody wins.
2014-02-20 04:04:57 PM  
1 vote:

DGS: Mind elaborating? I usually hear chefs/cooks/bakers say the exact opposite.. to stay away from margarine.

Funny you should ask. There were two of us bakers in the shop. Me and "Butter Boy"
Each of us made the same amount of cookies each month and I sold more of mine than he did of his.
He insisted on using butter and I insisted on using margarine.
Now let's say all other things being equal, that was the only difference.

This is a true story, by the way.

1)   Butter is costlier than margarine. His food cost was higher.
2)    Butter has more water than margarine, so those cookies dried out faster and were less moist when the customers got a drier, crisper cookie. Most customers preferred the softer moister cookies.
3)    The cookies were laid out for display and exposed to air so they were able to dry out faster all around.
Mine sold faster, and more and cost less. Some of his ended up not selling.
I made more money for the bakery, and got more repeat customers.
And the customer knew there were only two of us baking cookies. They knew when each of our batches hit the shelves.
2014-02-20 03:56:09 PM  
1 vote:

Mirrorz: Not being filled with goddamned raisins.

This has happened to me so many times and I rank these among the worst experiences of my entire life. HATE raisins.

chronicle.suView Full Size
DGS [TotalFark]
2014-02-20 03:55:37 PM  
1 vote:

Bathia_Mapes: This is fark's official weekly food thread that's posted to the main page.

I think at least once per thread someone complains about it despite being the weekly thread. We're farkers. Complaining and being biatchy is what we do. Heh.
2014-02-20 03:44:08 PM  
1 vote:

DGS: Yay! Cookies! I always seem to end up with cookies that get crunchy even when I pull them early and get them off the sheet, and that pretty much kills most cookies for me. HAILP!

Decrease white sugar, increase brown sugar.
2014-02-20 03:34:30 PM  
1 vote:

Anne.Uumellmahaye: professorkowalski: I want Christmas cookies. The spritz ones, that are like 60 percent butter.

Not many things drive me to profanity, but


/butter drives me to profanity

img.pandawhale.comView Full Size
2014-02-20 03:33:59 PM  
1 vote:
Seriously. Raisins don't belong in cookies.

You may as well bake roach eggs in there.
It's just as gross.
2014-02-20 03:21:48 PM  
1 vote:

DGS: Oh ok. It's back on.

What is it about crispy cookies that works for you? Dunkability with milk? The tooth-shattering crunch? I mean, are those things not dry as a brick?

I like the crunch, and the flavor tastes deeper, like dark chocolate as opposed to milk chocolate. To me, anyway. They are dry, but who eats cookies without milk? Now that's just crazy.
2014-02-20 03:18:02 PM  
1 vote:
DGS [TotalFark]
2014-02-20 03:12:47 PM  
1 vote:

Blushing Wall Flower: When it comes to chocolate chip cookies, baking them until they're darker brown and crispy makes them perfect in my book.

Clearly we can no longer be best friends.
2014-02-20 03:11:53 PM  
1 vote:
When it comes to chocolate chip cookies, baking them until they're darker brown and crispy makes them perfect in my book.
2014-02-20 03:09:23 PM  
1 vote:
If this goes green, I'm gonna f*cking puke and lose all faith in the system around here.
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