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(WOAI San Antonio)   Your future password may be your B.O.   ( woai.com) divider line
    More: Interesting, B.O, biometrics, passwords  
•       •       •

3818 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Feb 2014 at 9:27 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

28 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
2014-02-10 08:42:43 AM  
Biometric security is enticing.  Iris patterns and saliva/DNA....but so much room for shenannigans also.

/there is no security
2014-02-10 08:53:47 AM  
85% accuracy?  How much of that leftover 15% is false rejection and how much is false acceptance?
2014-02-10 09:00:00 AM  
Thanks Barack Obama.
2014-02-10 09:00:24 AM  
Great, now I've gotta run in place for ten minutes every time I forget my alphanumeric password to ensure I got a nice fresh stank
2014-02-10 09:32:54 AM  
Sure beats using the combination to my luggage.
2014-02-10 09:35:17 AM  
So you're saying mine will be strong and robust?

2014-02-10 09:37:54 AM  
The biometric code to my nonexistent BO in alphanumeric form is ABC123, so I won't have to change any of my passwords for anything ever.
/also, my flatulence smells of freshly baked cinnamon rolls
2014-02-10 09:38:40 AM  
Hell, my garage door will open when I'm still three blocks away from it.
2014-02-10 09:56:50 AM  
That stinks
2014-02-10 09:59:14 AM  
Yeah, because that won't change with diet, health, perfume, etc.
2014-02-10 09:59:17 AM  
i184.photobucket.comView Full Size
2014-02-10 10:00:24 AM  
Good Afternoon, Harry Freakstorm. You Body Order Stench Quotient has gone up 25% since your last logon. Were you:

A: In an endless Meeting with that windbag?
B: Using the stairs because you are afraid the elevator doors will crush you?
C: Talking to Julie in Accounting and generally making yourself look and smell even worse?
2014-02-10 10:12:20 AM  
"curry swamp" for my coworker.
2014-02-10 10:12:28 AM  
Help Desk.  How can I abuse you?

I can't log on.  The system says "Invalid Smell"

Yes sir.  I can help you.  Which arm pit are you using?

My left one.

Sir.  It shows, you usually use your right armpit.  Are you trying to sign in under duress?  Is there someone there forcing you to login?  You can answer Whether for Yes or Weather for no.

What?  No.  I just want to logon.

C'mon, sir.  Whether or weather.  I can help.

No!  I just need to login!

Okay sir.  I assume you are not under duress and simply need access to your computer.  I'm resetting the biometric sniffer to your default body odor.  This is the one you set up originally.  Please place your right armpit to the sniffer and press "Ready"

I did it.  I'm still seeing the red light.

Yes.  that's because we need additional metrics.  Please drop your trousers and put your junk on the sniffer and press "Ready".

Really?  My stuff?

If you want access to your computer and you aren't under duress, this should be an easy procedure.

Okay.  Okay.  My junk is on the reader and I'm pressing "Ready".   Ow!  My balls!

That was just a mild shock to tell you the reader was accessing your stench profile.  You should have access now.

Yes.  I can get to my work now.

Oh.  And since we've instituted a non-repudiation security procedure for sending e-mail, you'll have to put your junk on the reader every time you send an e-mail.  It's your new digital signature.

Really?  An I going to get shocked every time I send an e-mail?

A mildly large one.  Yes.

I'm never sending an e-mail again.

It certainly has cut down on the number of e-mails this company sends.
2014-02-10 10:13:24 AM  
I was told if you put your password in a Fark post, it just comes out as asterisks:

[sweatysocks][jockitchcream][Preparat ionH][coffee]

2014-02-10 10:17:25 AM  
I've got a user who's office permanently reeks of his B.O. You'd only need to open the door and his laptop would unlock.
2014-02-10 10:36:03 AM  
New fad: "Sniffies!"
2014-02-10 10:38:58 AM  

xanadian: 85% accuracy?  How much of that leftover 15% is false rejection and how much is false acceptance?

Doesn't matter.
Both break my heart.

And both are probably due to BO.
2014-02-10 11:14:24 AM  
sweat, and dead man's balls
2014-02-10 11:17:40 AM  
confirmed.  advance to Brazzers

humormeonline.comView Full Size
2014-02-10 11:24:50 AM  
Chunk is the name of my cat.
His paws smell like curry.

Go figure.

That is all.
2014-02-10 11:51:42 AM  

SpectroBoy: Yeah, because that won't change with diet, health, perfume, etc.

If you bothered reading TFA, they say that although some aspects of your BO vary, there are some markers that stay the same no matter what age you have or deodorant you're wearing. The scanner is looking for those markers.
2014-02-10 12:31:36 PM  
Just wait till some Russian teen hacks the BO code and everyone is forced to switch to stool samples...  Giving a whole new meaning to the term "Logging In"
2014-02-10 02:25:58 PM  
well, I must be ahead of my time. My current password is BO
2014-02-10 03:10:02 PM  

Molavian: [i184.photobucket.com image 400x195]

Came here for this, leaving satisfied.
2014-02-10 07:06:02 PM  
lh3.googleusercontent.comView Full Size
2014-02-10 08:36:47 PM  
"yourebo". Oh, that works!
2014-02-10 09:55:11 PM  
The researchers claim their studies show these patterns can be detected with an 85% accuracy rate. That's higher than the rates for facial recognition and some forms of eye scanning.

That's BS. Except if the development of your facial recognition sw ended in the last century.

Also, methods of biometric identifications are the "who you are", passwords are the "what you know" factors in authentication. They are not interchangeable. They should be used in combination for best security. See Link
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