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(Fark)   Give us a quote. Inspirational, pithy, wise, whatever you've got   ( fark.com) divider line
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1293 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Jan 2014 at 8:09 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-01-25 08:23:56 PM  
9 votes:
img.fark.netView Full Size
2014-01-25 06:46:14 PM  
8 votes:
Take all that money that we spend on weapons and defence each year, and instead spend it feeding, clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, for ever, in peace. - Rev. Mitch Hedberg
2014-01-25 06:23:29 PM  
7 votes:
After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true.

2014-01-25 06:44:34 PM  
5 votes:
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason and intellect has intended us to forego their use - Sir Morgan Freemen.
2014-01-25 09:18:34 PM  
4 votes:
"If you don't love yourself, how the hell can you love someone else?"


//Can I get a Amen up in here?
2014-01-25 08:11:07 PM  
4 votes:
locoparentis.com.auView Full Size
2014-01-26 01:28:59 PM  
3 votes:
img.fark.netView Full Size
2014-01-26 11:52:37 AM  
3 votes:
No matter where you go... there you are.  -- Buckaroo Banzai
2014-01-26 01:47:00 AM  
3 votes:
Withdrawing in disgust is not the same as apathy.
2014-01-26 12:22:58 AM  
3 votes:
The significant problems we have cannot be solved at the same level of thinking with which we created them.
-Albert Einstein
2014-01-25 11:08:23 PM  
3 votes:
Always finish sex with a bj.  More fun for him, less clean up for you.

;-) me
2014-01-25 10:01:15 PM  
3 votes:
Titty sprinkles.
Morgan Freeman
2014-01-25 09:04:35 PM  
3 votes:
"It's better to die on your feet than to live on you knees."
Emiliano Zapata

"Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes."
Oscar Wilde

"True friends stab you in the front."
Oscar Wilde

"Doctrina ignorantia"
2014-01-25 08:49:51 PM  
3 votes:
Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear

 "I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."

- Frank Herbert, Dune
2014-01-25 08:33:25 PM  
3 votes:
don't stir shiat if you're unwilling to lick the spoon
2014-01-25 08:25:08 PM  
3 votes:
Even a small population is hard to completely extirpate, short of rendering the planet uninhabitable.
- Admiral Ivan Antonov

I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
- Lieutenant Ellen Ripley
2014-01-25 08:18:01 PM  
3 votes:
I hate to advocate drugs,alcohol,violence or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.-Hunter S. Thompson.
2014-01-25 07:00:41 PM  
3 votes:
"Yes, the universe had a beginning. Yes, the universe continues to evolve. And yes, every one of our body's atoms is traceable to the big bang and to the thermonuclear furnace within high-mass stars. We are not simply in the universe, we are part of it. We are born from it. One might even say we have been empowered by the universe to figure itself out - and we have only just begun."- Neil deGrasse Tyson
2014-01-25 07:00:06 PM  
3 votes:
"You live for the fight when that's all that you've got." - Bon Jovi
2014-01-25 05:13:20 PM  
3 votes:
Alcohol isn't a crutch, it's a life jacket.
2014-01-25 04:52:15 PM  
3 votes:
William Faulkner's Nobel Banquet Speech:

Ladies and gentlemen,
I feel that this award was not made to me as a man, but to my work - a life's work in the agony and sweat of the human spirit, not for glory and least of all for profit, but to create out of the materials of the human spirit something which did not exist before. So this award is only mine in trust. It will not be difficult to find a dedication for the money part of it commensurate with the purpose and significance of its origin. But I would like to do the same with the acclaim too, by using this moment as a pinnacle from which I might be listened to by the young men and women already dedicated to the same anguish and travail, among whom is already that one who will some day stand here where I am standing.

Our tragedy today is a general and universal physical fear so long sustained by now that we can even bear it. There are no longer problems of the spirit. There is only the question: When will I be blown up? Because of this, the young man or woman writing today has forgotten the problems of the human heart in conflict with itself which alone can make good writing because only that is worth writing about, worth the agony and the sweat.

He must learn them again. He must teach himself that the basest of all things is to be afraid; and, teaching himself that, forget it forever, leaving no room in his workshop for anything but the old verities and truths of the heart, the old universal truths lacking which any story is ephemeral and doomed - love and honor and pity and pride and compassion and sacrifice. Until he does so, he labors under a curse. He writes not of love but of lust, of defeats in which nobody loses anything of value, of victories without hope and, worst of all, without pity or compassion. His griefs grieve on no universal bones, leaving no scars. He writes not of the heart but of the glands.

Until he relearns these things, he will write as though he stood among and watched the end of man. I decline to accept the end of man. It is easy enough to say that man is immortal simply because he will endure: that when the last dingdong of doom has clanged and faded from the last worthless rock hanging tideless in the last red and dying evening, that even then there will still be one more sound: that of his puny inexhaustible voice, still talking.

I refuse to accept this. I believe that man will not merely endure: he will prevail. He is immortal, not because he alone among creatures has an inexhaustible voice, but because he has a soul, a spirit capable of compassion and sacrifice and endurance. The poet's, the writer's, duty is to write about these things. It is his privilege to help man endure by lifting his heart, by reminding him of the courage and honor and hope and pride and compassion and pity and sacrifice which have been the glory of his past. The poet's voice need not merely be the record of man, it can be one of the props, the pillars to help him endure and prevail.
2014-01-26 04:47:08 PM  
2 votes:
It's better to bite the hand that feeds you than to lick the hand that beats you.
2014-01-26 04:20:58 PM  
2 votes:
We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars.

~Oscar Wilde
2014-01-26 03:34:18 PM  
2 votes:
Written laws are like spiders' webs , and will like them only entangle and hold the poor and weak, while the rich and powerful easily break through them.


Nothing has been better proven than this maxim: that one succeeds in having too much only by causing others not to have enough.

François-Noël Babeuf
2014-01-26 01:20:29 AM  
2 votes:
"the cure for anything is saltwater. Sweat, Tears, or the Sea."

Isaac Dinesen/Karen Von Blixen
2014-01-26 01:15:12 AM  
2 votes:
Way too many believe they are "telling it like it is, when they are only calling it as they see it."
2014-01-25 10:57:47 PM  
2 votes:
This world in arms is not spending money alone.

It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, and the hopes of its children

The cost of one modern heavy bomber is this:A modern brick school in more than 30 cities

It is two electric power plants, each serving a town of 60,000 people

It is 2 fine fully equipped hospitals.

It is some 50 miles of concrete highways.

We pay for a single fighter with half a million bushels of wheat.

We pay for a single destroyer with new homes for more than 8,000 people

This is not a way of life at all, in any true sense.Under the cloud of threatening war, it is humanity hanging from a cross of iron.

Dwight D Eisenhower. Id love to hear what Zombie Ike would have to say about the NSA spying program.
2014-01-25 10:13:13 PM  
2 votes:
Never stick your dick in crazy.
2014-01-25 09:31:34 PM  
2 votes:
i44.tinypic.comView Full Size
2014-01-25 09:18:26 PM  
2 votes:
I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.

- Albert Einstein

The true test of a man's character is what he does when no one is watching

- John Wooden
2014-01-25 09:12:23 PM  
2 votes:
Happiness in life isn't about getting everything you want; its about wanting everything you get.
2014-01-25 09:08:05 PM  
2 votes:
"A person is smart, people are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals and you know it. 1500 years ago, everybody knew the Earth was the center of the universe. 500 years ago, everybody knew the Earth was flat, and 15 minutes ago, you knew that people were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll know tomorrow..." - Agent Kay, Men In Black
2014-01-25 09:07:54 PM  
2 votes:
"We are buried beneath the weight of information, which is being confused with knowledge; quantity is being confused with abundance and wealth with happiness.
We are monkeys with money and guns."
― Tom Waits.
2014-01-25 09:06:38 PM  
2 votes:
"Life's like a movie...write your own ending." --Kermit the Frog
2014-01-25 09:01:42 PM  
2 votes:
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
--Philip K. Dick
2014-01-25 08:59:25 PM  
2 votes:
"Never stick your d*ck in crazy"
2014-01-25 08:54:32 PM  
2 votes:
When you're up to your nose in shiat, keep your mouth shut.
2014-01-25 08:52:05 PM  
2 votes:
Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

Robert Benchley
2014-01-25 08:38:30 PM  
2 votes:
"The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes."

W.S. Churchill
2014-01-25 08:36:29 PM  
2 votes:
"Every attempt to make war easy and safe will result in humiliation and disaster." - William Tecumseh Sherman

"Funny, really, 'cause I'd never thought of it, but being middle-aged and old takes up most of your time, doesn't it?" - Ringo Starr, A Hard Day's Night

"Evil... has every advantage but one - it is inferior in imagination. Good can imagine the possibility of becoming evil... but Evil, defiantly chosen, can no longer imagine anything but itself." - W.H. Auden

"You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right. I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you, but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me. I'm not changing. I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get." - Del Griffith, Planes, Trains and Automobiles

"When a man cannot choose, he ceases to be a man." - A Clockwork Orange

"Do what you want to do, and go where you're going to. Think for yourself, 'cause I won't be there with you." - The Beatles

"All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much." - The Beatles
2014-01-25 08:36:10 PM  
2 votes:
"If you like your insurance, you can keep it"

President Obama
2014-01-25 08:35:37 PM  
2 votes:
"Anybody who ever told you that it's not about the money clearly doesn't have to worry about it."
2014-01-25 08:35:07 PM  
2 votes:
Be excellent to each other.  --Bill & Ted
2014-01-25 08:24:12 PM  
2 votes:
"I used to be disgusted; now I try to be amused."

Or, in the alternative:

"I don't fark much with the past, but I fark plenty with the future."
2014-01-25 08:23:07 PM  
2 votes:
Thirty spokes join together in the hub.
It is because of what is not there that the cart is useful.
Clay is formed into a vessel.
It is because of its emptiness that the vessel is useful.
Cut doors and windows to make a room.
It is because of its emptiness that the room is useful.
Therefore, what is useful is used for profit.
But it is in absence that there is usefulness.
-Tao Te Ching, 11

Whoa, Doc, this is heavy!
-Marty McFly
2014-01-25 08:22:03 PM  
2 votes:
"All we need is a voluntary, free-spirited, open-ended program of procreative racial deconstruction. Everybody just gotta keep farkin' everybody 'til they're all the same color.

~Jay Billington Bulworth
2014-01-25 08:21:38 PM  
2 votes:
"Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common."

                   Dorothy Parker
2014-01-25 08:18:31 PM  
2 votes:
"I was walking along the bank of a stream when I saw a mother otter with her cubs, a very endearing sight, I'm sure you'll agree.
And even as I watched, the mother otter dived into the water and came up with a plump salmon, which she subdued and dragged onto a half submerged log. As she ate it, while of course it was still alive, the body split and I remember to this day the sweet pinkness of its roes as they spilled out, much to the delight of the baby otters, who scrambled over themselves to feed on the delicacy.
One of nature's wonders, gentlemen. Mother and children dining upon mother and children.
And that is when I first learned about evil. It is built into the very nature of the universe.
Every world spins in pain. If there is any kind of supreme being, I told myself, it is up to all of us to become his moral superior."
-Terry Pratchett-
2014-01-25 08:16:02 PM  
2 votes:
"For what it's worth: it's never too late to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again."

- Benjamin Button
2014-01-25 08:15:05 PM  
2 votes:
i0.kym-cdn.comView Full Size

2014-01-25 07:28:24 PM  
2 votes:
"Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snake bite furthermore always carry a small snake."

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it."

- W.C. Fields
2014-01-25 07:25:15 PM  
2 votes:
"The true teacher defends his pupils against his own personal influence. He inspires self-trust. He guides their eyes from himself to the spirit that quickens him. He will have no disciples."
--Amos Bronson Alcott
2014-01-25 07:22:25 PM  
2 votes:
A child-like man is not a man whose development has been arrested; on the contrary, he is a man who has given himself a chance of continuing to develop long after most adults have muffled themselves in the cocoon of middle-aged habit and convention.

--Aldous Huxley
2014-01-25 06:23:18 PM  
2 votes:
Don't dream it, be it.
2014-01-26 01:56:31 PM  
1 vote:
I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.
2014-01-26 09:24:53 AM  
1 vote:
Life is what happens while your busy making plans
2014-01-26 08:23:07 AM  
1 vote:
i.imgur.comView Full Size

2014-01-26 04:51:08 AM  
1 vote:

nekom: I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason and intellect has intended us to forego their use - Sir Morgan Freemen.

a) The man's name is Morgan Freeman
b) He isn't a sir
c) He didn't say this first, if he said it at all.  Gallileo is the first credited with saying it.
2014-01-26 03:47:29 AM  
1 vote:
Love is the only reality
and it is not 
a mere sentiment.
it is the ultimate truth 
that lies at the heart 
of creation.
~Rabindranath Tagore
2014-01-26 02:21:10 AM  
1 vote:
"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
But in ourselves, that we are underlings."
- Cassius
Julius Caesar (I, ii, 140-141)
2014-01-26 02:17:53 AM  
1 vote:
To answer the question what do people want in life is easily answered for most.  For most they want the simplest of things,  they want a person to smile with them.
2014-01-26 02:16:51 AM  
1 vote:
Never eat at a sushi restaurant on Monday.
2014-01-26 01:53:10 AM  
1 vote:
"Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes." ― Steve Martin
2014-01-26 12:57:34 AM  
1 vote:
Every time I wake up with a pulse, I know its going to be an awesome day.
2014-01-26 12:29:14 AM  
1 vote:
The only time I ever said "no" to a drink was when I misunderstood the question.  -Me

/you can have that one, Drew
2014-01-25 11:39:22 PM  
1 vote:
"If you're going through hell, keep going"
     - Winston Churchill
2014-01-25 11:30:51 PM  
1 vote:
~ No matter how much hard earned money the "we the people" can come up with to build their world the way they want, others have the ability to fire up the fake money presses and dictate their will.
2014-01-25 11:12:35 PM  
1 vote:
Deny everything.
2014-01-25 11:08:00 PM  
1 vote:
cfaithholland.files.wordpress.comView Full Size

/no idea who said it first...
2014-01-25 10:51:13 PM  
1 vote:

stu1-1: "There can be no justice so long as laws are absolute".   -- Jean Luc Picard

Which is a terrible rewrite of William Blake's "One law for the lion and ox is oppression"
2014-01-25 10:26:07 PM  
1 vote:

The5thElement: Never stick your dick in crazy.

You sir, have cracked the code. Enjoy your month of TF and give those TF Discussion bastages a good thrashing.
2014-01-25 10:18:18 PM  
1 vote:
"We're all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you've been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there's no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn't until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems-the ones that make you truly who you are-that we're ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you're looking for. You're looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person-someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, "This is the problem I want to have."

I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.

Let our scars fall in love."

-Galway Kinnell

Also "illegitimi non carborundum." - Vinegar Joe
2014-01-25 10:15:55 PM  
1 vote:
The only thing you truly own is that which cannot be taken without your permission:  your integrity.

Innovate, never imitate -- but don't reinvent the wheel.

/yours truly
2014-01-25 10:12:21 PM  
1 vote:
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die." -Mel Brooks
2014-01-25 10:06:54 PM  
1 vote:
"Because we do not know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well, and yet, everything only happens in life a certain number of times. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood - an afternoon so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life with out it?  Perhaps 4 or 5 times more?  Perhaps not even that.  How many times will you watch the full moon rise?  Perhaps 20, and yet it all seems limitless...."  Paul Boles' "The Sheltering Sky" and on the grave of Brandon Bruce Lee - 1993
2014-01-25 09:55:31 PM  
1 vote:
"Avoid the Clap." - Jimmy Dugan
2014-01-25 09:42:03 PM  
1 vote:
"Nothing is impossible to the man who doesn't have to do it himself."  -- A.H.Weiler (1909-2002) Weiler was a writer, editor and critic whose career at The New York Times spanned more than 50 years
2014-01-25 09:39:04 PM  
1 vote:
Bad artists imitate, great artists steal.

2014-01-25 09:37:08 PM  
1 vote:
If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

Every McDonald's commercial ends the same way, right? "Prices and participation may vary." I wanna open a McDonald's and not participate in anything. I wanna be a stubborn McDonald's owner. Cheeseburgers? Nope. We got spaghetti! And blankets!

I like escalators, because an escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. You would never see an "escalator temporarily out of order" sign, just "Escalator temporarily stairs... sorry for the convenience. We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there."

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

Fish are always eating other fish. If fish could scream, the ocean would be loud as shiat! You would not want to submerge your head... nothing but fish going "Ahhhh, fark! I thought I looked like that rock!"

I rent a lot of cars, but I don't always know everything about them. So a lot of times, I drive for like ten miles with the emergency brake on. That doesn't say a lot for me, but it really doesn't say a lot for the emergency brake. It's really not an emergency brake; it's an emergency "make the car smell funny" lever.
2014-01-25 09:23:12 PM  
1 vote:
"My god, 'Angie,' you don't have to sleep with everyone you date."    --  My Mom
2014-01-25 09:19:43 PM  
1 vote:
Save your money-Dad
2014-01-25 09:16:58 PM  
1 vote:
"Where there's a will, there's relatives"

The three most dangerous words in Any language "Citizen, papers please"

Diogenes, having been magically transported through time arrives upon the shores of America.
Hearing of one political parties changes in their fundamental beliefs, Diogenes vows to neither rest or dine until he finds a true "Compassionate Christian Conservative".
His funeral was last week.
Autopsy reports cause of death "exhaustion, exacerbated by complications due to malnutrition"

"If you gotta be one, be a Big Red One". Retired Sgt. First Infantry Division.

2014-01-25 09:16:35 PM  
1 vote:
On Monday mornings, I'm dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks.

-H. Allen Smith, journalist, humorist
img.fark.netView Full Size
2014-01-25 09:16:07 PM  
1 vote:

Mr_Fabulous: CluelessMoron: Nobody ever dies, if they live on within you.

/My mother died last week.
//fark cancer with a rusty chainsaw.  Goddamnit.  fark.

I'm so sorry. Stay strong.

Lost mine last October. If people ask, tell them about her. It will help build your internal narrative and give you closure (even if they glaze over after a while)
2014-01-25 09:12:30 PM  
1 vote:
i39.tinypic.comView Full Size
2014-01-25 09:09:36 PM  
1 vote:
i39.tinypic.comView Full Size
2014-01-25 09:06:59 PM  
1 vote:

TheShavingofOccam123: Someone once asked a French priest who was older than sin (he had lived through WWI, the Great Depression and WWII among other tragedies) what he had learned in all his years of service.

The priest said "There is no such thing as a grownup."

A French priest was asked what he learned in confession, "There is no one very bad, and no one very happy."
2014-01-25 09:05:03 PM  
1 vote:

CluelessMoron: Nobody ever dies, if they live on within you.

/My mother died last week.
//fark cancer with a rusty chainsaw.  Goddamnit.  fark.

I'm so sorry. Stay strong.
2014-01-25 09:03:12 PM  
1 vote:
"Every man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag and begin slitting throats."
- H. L. Mencken
2014-01-25 09:02:15 PM  
1 vote:
Gravity always wins.
2014-01-25 08:58:52 PM  
1 vote:
Leave the tough stuff to the so-called experts, because worrying about the tough stuff will only make you get sick and die.
2014-01-25 08:56:45 PM  
1 vote:

gameshowhost: "Is this supposed to be some lazy followup to the 'define TFD with a pic/macro' thread? Because it sucks."

~ gameshowhost

 Shia Lebeouf
2014-01-25 08:56:21 PM  
1 vote:

nekom: Take all that money that we spend on weapons and defence each year, and instead spend it feeding, clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, for ever, in peace. - Rev. Mitch Hedberg

Thought that was part of a Bill Hicks quote:

"The world is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. The ride goes up and down, around and around, it has thrills and chills, and it's very brightly colored, and it's very loud, and it's fun for a while. Many people have been on the ride a long time, and they begin to wonder, "Hey, is this real, or is this just a ride?" And other people have remembered, and they come back to us and say, "Hey, don't worry; don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride." And we ... kill those people. "Shut him up! I've got a lot invested in this ride, shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry, look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real." It's just a ride. But we always kill the good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok ... But it doesn't matter, because it's just a ride. And we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace."
2014-01-25 08:55:23 PM  
1 vote:
"Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning."

Dread Pirate Roberts
2014-01-25 08:54:37 PM  
1 vote:
"General, you are listening to a machine. Do the world a favor and don't act like one." - Steven Falken, WarGames

"Government isn't perfect, but some people wish it was better, not gone." - Jon Stewart, "The Daily Show"
2014-01-25 08:54:35 PM  
1 vote:
Nobody ever dies, if they live on within you.

/My mother died last week.
//fark cancer with a rusty chainsaw.  Goddamnit.  fark.
2014-01-25 08:49:45 PM  
1 vote:
Never trust a fart
2014-01-25 08:48:11 PM  
1 vote:
The central belief of every moron is that he is the victim of a mysterious conspiracy against his common rights and true deserts. He ascribes all his failure to get on in the world, all of his congenital incapacity and damfoolishness, to the machinations of werewolves assembled in Wall Street, or some other such den of infamy. If these villains could be put down, he holds, he would at once become rich, powerful and eminent. Nine politicians out of every ten, of whatever party, live and have their being by promising to perform this putting down.  - H. L. Mencken
2014-01-25 08:47:36 PM  
1 vote:
Everywhere I go, there's always an asshole.
2014-01-25 08:45:42 PM  
1 vote:
A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything. -Frederich Nietzsche
2014-01-25 08:44:14 PM  
1 vote:
Always remember, no matter how bad things get, eventually, your life will end.
2014-01-25 08:43:56 PM  
1 vote:
"Fark 'em if they can't take a joke."

- J.R. "Bob" Dobbs
2014-01-25 08:43:56 PM  
1 vote:
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same god who has endowed us with senses, reason and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.  -- Galileo
2014-01-25 08:40:17 PM  
1 vote:
Never trust a skinny chef.
2014-01-25 08:39:56 PM  
1 vote:
I aim to misbehave.

Mal Reynolds.

I really am ruggedly handsome

Richard Castle
2014-01-25 08:39:25 PM  
1 vote:
No one wants advice - only corroboration.

John Steinbeck
2014-01-25 08:37:16 PM  
1 vote:
Brap is always funny.
2014-01-25 08:37:06 PM  
1 vote:
"As long as there is music, I am immortal, and I have lived forever if I can remember a song." - bunner
2014-01-25 08:35:49 PM  
1 vote:
"You'll get over it."  -Drew
2014-01-25 08:35:38 PM  
1 vote:
Life sucks, then you die, then they throw dirt in your face, then the worms eat you.  Be grateful it happens in that order.
2014-01-25 08:33:40 PM  
1 vote:
Even if she's one in a million, that means there's 300 girls exactly like her in America alone
- Angel Soto
2014-01-25 08:33:03 PM  
1 vote:
"Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?" - Edwin Stanton
2014-01-25 08:31:06 PM  
1 vote:
The devil hath the power
To assume a pleasing shape.

--William Shakespeare
2014-01-25 08:30:47 PM  
1 vote:
"War is just a racket."

--US Marine Corps Major General Smedley Butler, two time Medal of Honor awardee (strangely NOT buried in Arlington)
2014-01-25 08:29:34 PM  
1 vote:
A world-hardened and weary man in his middle years might come across a stuffed bear and be surprised, and his hardness broken for a minute as he feels a tug in his breast as if a line immensely long and thin were still attached between his heart and this scuffed forgotten friend. But the bear never doubted.
Richard Kennedy, Amy's Eyes
2014-01-25 08:29:20 PM  
1 vote:
It is better to remain quiet and let people wonder if you are a fool then speak and remove all doubt.

2014-01-25 08:28:27 PM  
1 vote:
If you cannot answer a man's argument, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names. -- Elbert Hubbard
2014-01-25 08:28:25 PM  
1 vote:
"No doubt the truth can be unpleasant, but I am not sure that unpleasantness is the same as the truth." - Roger Ebert
2014-01-25 08:27:19 PM  
1 vote:
2014-01-25 08:26:56 PM  
1 vote:
The very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common. They don't alter their views to fit the facts. They alter the facts to fit their views. Which can be uncomfortable if you happen to be one of the facts that needs altering.

The Doctor, Face of Evil
2014-01-25 08:24:16 PM  
1 vote:
Someone once asked a French priest who was older than sin (he had lived through WWI, the Great Depression and WWII among other tragedies) what he had learned in all his years of service.

The priest said "There is no such thing as a grownup."
2014-01-25 08:23:06 PM  
1 vote:
"Free your mind and your ass will follow" George Clinton
2014-01-25 08:21:35 PM  
1 vote:
I have seen further than others because I have stood on the shoulders of giants.

- Isaac Newton
2014-01-25 08:20:55 PM  
1 vote:
A pun is a rare medium well done.
2014-01-25 08:19:27 PM  
1 vote:
Lighten up, Francis.
2014-01-25 08:16:47 PM  
1 vote:
Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.
2014-01-25 08:12:34 PM  
1 vote:
If you showed me a picture of five anuses, I couldn't tell you which one is mine.

-Karl Pilkington
2014-01-25 07:56:02 PM  
1 vote:
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Dr. Oscar Wlyde
2014-01-25 07:54:03 PM  
1 vote:
I drank what?

2014-01-25 07:30:59 PM  
1 vote:
"War.  War never changes."
2014-01-25 07:10:10 PM  
1 vote:
The passage of my life is measured out in shirts.
2014-01-25 07:09:48 PM  
1 vote:
If you're going to drink, drink the good stuff, then its too expensive to become an alcoholic
2014-01-25 05:27:06 PM  
1 vote:
Looks like it'll be about 2 hours work, with parts, comes to $243.87
2014-01-25 04:56:33 PM  
1 vote:
The Wrost Phone ever made people should boybot Google for making this phone. My 1st phone was Motorola DynaTAC 8000X brick phone Battery life on this phone blow the nexus 4 out of the water. The phone is great if you just talk but if take pictues and text them your battery goes from 100% to 75% in 30mins and from 75% to 30% in 60 mins and of crose google screws us again buy sealing the battetry. I would give this phone to Devil use. I hate and have Delited my Gmail account Accounts. Show Google your tired of getting screwed boycott them and delete your gmail.account.
2014-01-25 04:46:14 PM  
1 vote:
Helloooooo nurse!

-- Yakko and Wakko
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