If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Fark)   Give us a quote. Inspirational, pithy, wise, whatever you've got   ( fark.com) divider line
    More: Survey  
•       •       •

1293 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Jan 2014 at 8:09 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

439 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | » | Newest | Show all

2014-01-25 04:40:55 PM  
Once you can fake sincerity, you've got it made.
Leading kids by example is not the best way to teach them--its the ONLY way.
2014-01-25 04:44:13 PM  
Man, those Samoans are a surly bunch - Margaret Mead
2014-01-25 04:46:14 PM  
Helloooooo nurse!

-- Yakko and Wakko
2014-01-25 04:52:15 PM  
William Faulkner's Nobel Banquet Speech:

Ladies and gentlemen,
I feel that this award was not made to me as a man, but to my work - a life's work in the agony and sweat of the human spirit, not for glory and least of all for profit, but to create out of the materials of the human spirit something which did not exist before. So this award is only mine in trust. It will not be difficult to find a dedication for the money part of it commensurate with the purpose and significance of its origin. But I would like to do the same with the acclaim too, by using this moment as a pinnacle from which I might be listened to by the young men and women already dedicated to the same anguish and travail, among whom is already that one who will some day stand here where I am standing.

Our tragedy today is a general and universal physical fear so long sustained by now that we can even bear it. There are no longer problems of the spirit. There is only the question: When will I be blown up? Because of this, the young man or woman writing today has forgotten the problems of the human heart in conflict with itself which alone can make good writing because only that is worth writing about, worth the agony and the sweat.

He must learn them again. He must teach himself that the basest of all things is to be afraid; and, teaching himself that, forget it forever, leaving no room in his workshop for anything but the old verities and truths of the heart, the old universal truths lacking which any story is ephemeral and doomed - love and honor and pity and pride and compassion and sacrifice. Until he does so, he labors under a curse. He writes not of love but of lust, of defeats in which nobody loses anything of value, of victories without hope and, worst of all, without pity or compassion. His griefs grieve on no universal bones, leaving no scars. He writes not of the heart but of the glands.

Until he relearns these things, he will write as though he stood among and watched the end of man. I decline to accept the end of man. It is easy enough to say that man is immortal simply because he will endure: that when the last dingdong of doom has clanged and faded from the last worthless rock hanging tideless in the last red and dying evening, that even then there will still be one more sound: that of his puny inexhaustible voice, still talking.

I refuse to accept this. I believe that man will not merely endure: he will prevail. He is immortal, not because he alone among creatures has an inexhaustible voice, but because he has a soul, a spirit capable of compassion and sacrifice and endurance. The poet's, the writer's, duty is to write about these things. It is his privilege to help man endure by lifting his heart, by reminding him of the courage and honor and hope and pride and compassion and pity and sacrifice which have been the glory of his past. The poet's voice need not merely be the record of man, it can be one of the props, the pillars to help him endure and prevail.
2014-01-25 04:54:33 PM  
"Shut that c*nt's mouth before I come over there and f*ckstart her head!"

- Way of the Gun

/ very inspirational
2014-01-25 04:56:33 PM  
The Wrost Phone ever made people should boybot Google for making this phone. My 1st phone was Motorola DynaTAC 8000X brick phone Battery life on this phone blow the nexus 4 out of the water. The phone is great if you just talk but if take pictues and text them your battery goes from 100% to 75% in 30mins and from 75% to 30% in 60 mins and of crose google screws us again buy sealing the battetry. I would give this phone to Devil use. I hate and have Delited my Gmail account Accounts. Show Google your tired of getting screwed boycott them and delete your gmail.account.
2014-01-25 04:59:50 PM  
Buy a daki before you need a daki.
2014-01-25 05:13:20 PM  
Alcohol isn't a crutch, it's a life jacket.
2014-01-25 05:19:49 PM  
I've been undressed by kings,
And I've seen some things
That a woman's not supposed to see.

I've been to paradise,
But I've never been to me...

-- Clint Eastwood
2014-01-25 05:27:06 PM  
Looks like it'll be about 2 hours work, with parts, comes to $243.87
2014-01-25 06:23:17 PM  
Caroline Wheeler's birthday present was made entirely from the skins of dead Jim Morrisons. That's why it smelled so bad.

/Scattered all over dawn's highway bleeding, I suppose.
2014-01-25 06:23:18 PM  
Don't dream it, be it.
2014-01-25 06:23:29 PM  
After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true.

2014-01-25 06:35:54 PM  
"People often ask, as an idle question, whether the process of evolution began with the chicken or the egg. Was there an egg out of which the first chicken came, or did a chicken lay the first egg? I am in a position to say that the first thing created was the egg.

When God had manufactured all the eggs out of which the fishes and the serpents and the birds and the mammals and even the duck-billed platypus would eventually emerge, He called the embryos before him, and saw that they were good.

Perhaps I ought to explain,' added the badger, lowering his papers nervously and looking at Wart over the top of them, 'that all embryos look very much the same. They are what you are before you are born - and, whether you are going to be a tadpole or a peacock or a cameleopard or a man, when you are an embryo you just look like a peculiarly repulsive and helpless human being. I continue as follows:

The embryos stood in front of God, with their feeble hands clasped politely over their stomachs and their heavy heads hanging down respectfully, and God addressed them.

He said: "Now, you embryos, here you are, all looking exactly the same, and We are going to give you the choice of what you want to be. When you grow up you will get bigger anyway, but We are pleased to grant you another gift as well. You may alter any parts of yourselves into anything which you think will be useful to you in later life. For instance, at the moment you cannot dig. Anybody who would like to turn his hands into a pair of spades or garden forks is allowed to do so. Or, to put it another way, at present you can only use your mouths for eating. Anybody who would like to use his mouth as an offensive weapon, can change it by asking and be a corkindrill or sabre-toothed tiger. Now then, step up and choose your tools, but remember that what you choose you will grow into, and will have to stick to."

"All the embryos thought the matter over politely, and then, one by one, they stepped up before the eternal throne. They were allowed two or three specializations, so that some chose to use their arms as flying machines and their mouths as weapons, or crackers, or drillers, or spoons, while others selected to use their bodies as boats and their hands as oars. We badgers thought very hard and decided to ask for three boons. We wanted to change our skins for shields, our mouths for weapons and our arms for garden forks. These boons were granted. Everybody specialized in one way or another, and some of us in very queer ones. For instance, one of the desert lizards decided to swap his whole body for blotting-paper, and one of the toads who lived in the drouthy antipodes decided simply to be a water-bottle.

"The asking and granting took up two long days--they were the fifth and sixth, so far as I remember--and at the very end of the sixth day, just before it was time to knock off for Sunday, they had got through all the little embryos except one. This embryo was Man.

" 'Well, Our little man,' said God. 'You have waited till the last, and slept on your decision, and We are sure you have been thinking hard all the time. What can We do for you?'

" 'Please God,' said the embryo, 'I think that You made me in the shape which I now have for reasons best known to Yourselves, and that it would be rude to change. If I am to have my choice I will stay as I am. I will not alter any of the parts which You gave me, for other and doubtless inferior tools, and I will stay a defenceless embryo all my life, doing my best to make myself a few feeble implements out of the wood, iron and the other materials which You have seen fit to put before me. If I want a boat I will try to construct it out of trees, and if I want to fly, I will put together a chariot to do it for me. Probably I have been very silly in refusing to take advantage of Your kind offer, but I have done my very best to think it over carefully, and now hope that the feeble decision of this small innocent will find favour with Yourselves.'

" 'Well done,' exclaimed the Creator in delighted tones. 'Here, all you embryos, come here with your beaks and whatnots to look upon Our first Man. He is the only one who has guessed Our riddle, out of all of you , and We have great pleasure in conferring upon him the Order of Dominion over the Fowls of the Air, and the Beasts of the Earth, and the Fishes of the Sea. Now let the rest of you get along, and love and multiply, for it is time to knock off for the week-end. As for you, Man, you will be a naked tool all your life, though a user of tools. You will look like an embryo till they bury you, but all the others will be embryos before your might. Eternally undeveloped, you will always remain potential in Our image, able to see some of Our sorrows and to feel some of Our joys. We are partly sorry for you, Man, but partly hopeful. Run along then, and do your best. And listen, Man, before you go . . .'

" 'Well?' asked Adam, turning back from his dismissal.

" 'We were only going to say,' said God shyly, twisting Their hands together. 'Well, We were just going to say, God bless you.' "

- Chapter 21, The Once and Future King
2014-01-25 06:42:51 PM  
"I hate quotations" -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

To know death, you must fark life. In the gall-bladder. -- Andy Warhole's Frankenstein

Demons, man, demons! Who needs chicks when you got demons? -- Gate II

"You live in a society where your only role is to consume. All the decisions have been made; no input is required from anyone. (Democracy! Democracy my ASS! Everywhere you look you will see people DOING WHAT THEY ARE TOLD OR ELSE BEING DESTROYED.) Just buy the products, honey, and if you can't afford it, then hate yourself as an example to the others." -- Tom Price

"I felt a kind of forlorn sense of being lost in a world of incredibly stupid and malicious dwarfs." -- Aleister Crowley

"It is good to know that with the creation of Ritalin, the world will never again be troubled by the likes of another Mozart." -- Charles Budreau

"Ego sincerus haurio tu is domesticum et bullas tuus psoleos in ardes causticos" (I highly recommend you go home and boil your dick in lavoris) -- Therion
2014-01-25 06:44:34 PM  
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason and intellect has intended us to forego their use - Sir Morgan Freemen.
2014-01-25 06:46:14 PM  
Take all that money that we spend on weapons and defence each year, and instead spend it feeding, clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, for ever, in peace. - Rev. Mitch Hedberg
2014-01-25 06:57:04 PM  
See dying vegetables life sustain,
See life dissolving vegetate again:
All forms that perish other forms supply,
(By turns we catch the vital breath, and die)
Like bubbles on the sea of matter born,
They rise, they break,
and to that sea return.

 -Alexander Pope

Opening lines of Hothouse by Aldiss
2014-01-25 06:58:29 PM  
"Booze, pills, or pot.....Whatever gets you through the night, baby" said Frank Sinatra when he was asked what he thought of people smoking weed.
2014-01-25 06:58:52 PM  
This wallpaper is killing me, one of us has to go.

last words of Oscar Wilde
2014-01-25 07:00:06 PM  
"You live for the fight when that's all that you've got." - Bon Jovi
2014-01-25 07:00:41 PM  
"Yes, the universe had a beginning. Yes, the universe continues to evolve. And yes, every one of our body's atoms is traceable to the big bang and to the thermonuclear furnace within high-mass stars. We are not simply in the universe, we are part of it. We are born from it. One might even say we have been empowered by the universe to figure itself out - and we have only just begun."- Neil deGrasse Tyson
2014-01-25 07:01:01 PM  

redoctober65: Man, those Samoans are a surly bunch - Margaret Mead

*from lost diary found in a compost heap
2014-01-25 07:04:04 PM  
I've been kicked out of better places than this!

--Justin Bieber
2014-01-25 07:09:48 PM  
If you're going to drink, drink the good stuff, then its too expensive to become an alcoholic
2014-01-25 07:10:10 PM  
The passage of my life is measured out in shirts.
2014-01-25 07:22:25 PM  
A child-like man is not a man whose development has been arrested; on the contrary, he is a man who has given himself a chance of continuing to develop long after most adults have muffled themselves in the cocoon of middle-aged habit and convention.

--Aldous Huxley
2014-01-25 07:25:15 PM  
"The true teacher defends his pupils against his own personal influence. He inspires self-trust. He guides their eyes from himself to the spirit that quickens him. He will have no disciples."
--Amos Bronson Alcott
2014-01-25 07:28:24 PM  
"Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snake bite furthermore always carry a small snake."

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it."

- W.C. Fields
2014-01-25 07:29:39 PM  
I can't believe how many Rand Paul quotes you guys are misattributing
2014-01-25 07:30:59 PM  
"War.  War never changes."
2014-01-25 07:36:13 PM  
"Let's make a pact about drinking: Let's never stop"  Hawkeye Pierce, M*A*S*H
2014-01-25 07:36:18 PM  
You always find something in the last place you look for it at.

/after all, why keep looking once you have found it?
2014-01-25 07:37:36 PM  
"Fark it, we'll do it live!"
2014-01-25 07:39:46 PM  
"Where the hell did all these Indians come from?" - George Custer
2014-01-25 07:41:28 PM  

kidakita: "Where the hell did all these Indians come from?" - George Custer

That's okay, he got his revenge.
2014-01-25 07:50:05 PM  
This isn't a real duel, it's just a ceremonial thing gentlemen do. See, I'm firing into the air, like a gentleman. And now, in turn, Mr Burr shall f--AAAAAAGGH! *thud*

--Alexander Hamilton
2014-01-25 07:54:03 PM  
I drank what?

2014-01-25 07:56:02 PM  
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Dr. Oscar Wlyde
2014-01-25 08:10:51 PM  
Haha, this greened?
2014-01-25 08:11:07 PM  
locoparentis.com.auView Full Size
2014-01-25 08:11:07 PM  
In every generation lie the seeds of barbarism.

I don't remember who said it, but I've always liked it.
2014-01-25 08:11:37 PM  

JasonOfOrillia: Alcohol isn't a crutch, it's a life jacket.

Welcome to Orillia.
2014-01-25 08:12:34 PM  
2014-01-25 08:12:34 PM  
If you showed me a picture of five anuses, I couldn't tell you which one is mine.

-Karl Pilkington
2014-01-25 08:12:55 PM  
Where there's a will,
There's a beneficiary.

- The Doctor
2014-01-25 08:13:15 PM  

Bob Falfa: "Let's make a pact about drinking: Let's never stop"  Hawkeye Pierce, M*A*S*H

Fark needs a "Fark like" button
2014-01-25 08:14:23 PM  
I don't do requests ...
2014-01-25 08:15:05 PM  
i0.kym-cdn.comView Full Size

2014-01-25 08:15:31 PM  
Family means doing shiat you don't want to do for the people you love. - Hugh2D2
Displayed 50 of 439 comments

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | » | Newest | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.