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(NPR)   No matter what it is, the one thing you can safely assume about it is that you're Doing It Wrong   ( divider line
    More: Obvious, rear-view mirrors, Tim Ferriss  
•       •       •

8726 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Jan 2014 at 1:54 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-01-05 01:56:17 PM  
3 votes:
Well, I've seen enough of the videos online to know I'm properly discharging my penis.
2014-01-05 02:00:00 PM  
2 votes:
... including writing an article that is easy and convenient to read.
2014-01-05 05:56:45 PM  
1 vote:
TED talks are usually horribly annoying with the condescending format, but that one took it to a whole new level. I'd be furious if some clown was up on stage drying his hands for fifteen minutes and asking me to participate.
2014-01-05 02:25:59 PM  
1 vote:
lememe.comView Full Size
2014-01-05 02:15:04 PM  
1 vote:

cambie: There's more than one way to skin a cat. Always has been, always will be.

Ways to skin a cat: An exercise in lateral thinking

You've heard the old saying "there's more than one way to skin a cat." But have you ever wondered how many ways there are, or whether you could invent a new way? This guide will get you started, and get you thinking. It is in no way intended to be an exhaustive catalog (no pun intended. OK, intended); rather, it is meant to give you, the reader, fresh insights into solving problems through lateral thinking. And, if the cat skin/corpse market is good, you just might earn a few dollars.

For the purposes of this exercise, "skinning a cat" means removing the skin from a cat in such a way that the end product is either a cat without a skin, or a cat skin, or both (as long as the cat is not inside the skin). So, for instance, you can't just dynamite a cat and say you've "skinned" it, even if the inside of the cat is now outside. Similarly, feeding a cat into a wood chipper would not qualify as "skinning." The guide below examines these two parameters separately when possible. Note that some methods yield both a skinned cat and a cat skin.

DISCLAIMER: We advocate skinning only cats that are already dead. We do not condone killing cats for any reason, except in self-defense. Your local veterinarian or animal shelter might be able to provide you with all the humanely pre-killed cats you'll need. HINT: Don't tell them what you're doing.

DISCLAIMER: The author has not actually tried any of these methods, as far as he can recall. Not all are intended to be practical, but they ought to work, in theory. This is not intended as a how-to guide; the reader will need to do some basic research before attempting most of these methods. Some will require special equipment as well as eye protection, rubberized gloves, respirators and other safety precautions. The author assumes no responsibility for any injury or criminal charges you may incur.

DISCLAIMER: Before attempting any of these methods, please read our informative article "Why To Skin A Cat."

The normal way where you make an incision with a knife or scalpel along the ventral line and insides of legs, and carefully peel the skin off, producing both a complete skinned cat and a complete cat skin. Boring.
Shave cat and immerse in liquid nitrogen until skin is frozen, but the inside is still soft. Beat cat vigorously with baseball bat until skin has completely shattered and separated from cat. You might have to pick off a few pieces of skin here and there.
Insert high-pressure air needle between skin and muscles. Inflate skin until it separates from cat. Carefully deflate cat and cut incision along ventral line, and then skin normally. This method produces both a complete skinned cat and a complete cat skin. Hint: If you stitch a stem valve into the cat's skin, you might have better luck inflating it.
Cheese grater. Hint: Shave and freeze cat first. Liquid nitrogen not necessary; ordinary freezer should do.
Electric belt sander (coarse belt). (Also better if cat is frozen)
Sand blaster. (Likewise with the freezing)
If a cooked cat is your fancy, you can roast it on a spit over a fire until the skin has completely charred. It should then be easy to peel off. Cooking Tip: Shave cat first.
Or, you could flash-burn the skin off in a series of extemely short, extremely high-temperature blasts from various heat sources, such as Thermit, oxy-acetylene flame, etc. Each blast should turn the outer layer of tissue into fine ash, like in the Andromeda Strain, where they sanitized the scientists before they could enter the research facility. Except in this case, you'd just keep going until the skin is gone.
Genetically engineer skinless cats and wait for them to die a natural death (shouldn't be long). Warning: They will hate you. Best to breed them without claws or teeth, either. Be nice to them until they die. You're not the monster--they are.
Genetically engineer a cat with snake or lizard DNA, so it periodically sheds its skin. This will provide multiple skins from a single cat. Probably the best method here, also the most difficult.
Make incisions as described above. Coat cat with contact cement. Fold cat into 3'x3' heavy canvas or carpet. Let contact cement dry. Peel canvas or carpet off of cat. Skin should stick to canvas.
Just tear it off. Use your teeth if you have to.

Make incision inside cat's mouth where cheeks and lips attach to skull. Work the fingers of both hands inside this incision until your fingers meet on the top of the skull. You should now be able to pull the skin back over the cat's head and peel the skin off the cat, like a gym sock off your foot.
Pour a series of acids and other caustic chemicals down the cat's throat, emptying out liquefied cat slurry from mouth between administrations of chemicals. This method will require some trial and error to perfect. Suggested chemicals include lye, perchloric acid, carbolic acid and concentrated papayin.
Dip cat in liquid nitrogen until core teperature reaches -320° F. Use hair dryer to thaw skin only. Beat cat vigorously with baseball bat until frozen interior is completely shattered. Pour frozen cat dust out of skin through mouth opening.
Alternately, pour liquid nitrogen down cat's throat, and shatter frozen portions in a series of applications.
Maggots, available at most bait shops, can also hollow out a cat, leaving just the skeleton, which should be mostly separated from the skin. Various other carrion-eating insects would be useful for detail work. Most of the bones will fit through the mouth opening; those that are too large can be broken easily enough. Remember, the leg, tail and head skin aren't important.

LATERAL THINKING EXERCISE: Write your own cat-skinning methods here (use additional paper if necessary)
_____________________________________________________________________ _ __________________________
_____________________________________________________________________ _ __________________________
_____________________________________________________________________ _ __________________________
_____________________________________________________________________ _ __________________________
_____________________________________________________________________ _ __________________________
_____________________________________________________________________ _ __________________________

*For our purposes, a complete skin does not need to include the tail, head or feet. Give yourself bonus points if you manage to keep these difficult areas attached to the rest of the skin.
2014-01-05 02:10:36 PM  
1 vote:
Don't turn into BuzzFeed, NPR. Be the adult in the room.
2014-01-05 02:07:58 PM  
1 vote:
To prove your point, you should have said "incorrectly" instead of "wrong."
2014-01-05 02:05:17 PM  
1 vote:
I'm getting tired of the internet. Too many people, broadcasting too much bullshiat and pretending it's worthwhile.

I however, have a great blog about 17 things every person will want to know. You should check it out. I promise it's totally not just a compilation of things other people came up with that I am not claiming credit for.
2014-01-05 02:02:36 PM  
1 vote:
One way to avoid doing things the wrong way is to not do anything.
2014-01-05 02:02:20 PM  
1 vote:
Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so
Important doesn't matter
Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong
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