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2151 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Dec 2013 at 10:13 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:    more»

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I paid my stupid tax.

Anytime it hits half a billion dollars I take my chance.

Wife is buying a ticket or two today.

"If money is the world's curse, may the Lord smite me with it! And may I never recover!"

If you buy a ticket, your chances of winning are 1 in 300 million.

If you dont buy a ticket, your chances are zero.

Don't pass it around too much, but I've figured out how to game the system. See, everybody who plays has a 1 in 259 million chance of winning. Now, if you buy 10 tickets, that takes your odds up to 10 in 259 million, or (if you use basic division, 259,000,000/10 1 in 25,900,000. But that's for you as one player, see? So what you do is put on a wig, maybe some fake glasses, and in the guise of someone else, buy 10 more tickets. That's another 1 in 25,900,000 chance, but since you're two distinct people you're combining your two distinct odds, so what you really have is a 2 in 25,900,000 chance, which is actually 1 in 12,950,000. Keep doing that enough and you can get your odds down to 1 in just a few thousand. Yes, there is some initial outlay of money here..it's going to take 20 or so purchases to get your odds down to these virtually sure-thing levels, so maybe 200 or 250 tickets bought as 20 or 25 people, but I'm sure I don't need to explain the idea of return on investment, also called ROI, to you in this situation.

vernonFL: If you buy a ticket, your chances of winning are 1 in 300 million.

If you dont buy a ticket, your chances are zero.

You could still find a ticket that fell out of someone's pocket.  Buying a ticket only improves your odds slightly.  That being said, it's a dollar and I bought one this morning.

Pocket Ninja: Don't pass it around too much, but I've figured out how to game the system. See, everybody who plays has a 1 in 259 million chance of winning. Now, if you buy 10 tickets, that takes your odds up to 10 in 259 million, or (if you use basic division, 259,000,000/10 1 in 25,900,000. But that's for you as one player, see? So what you do is put on a wig, maybe some fake glasses, and in the guise of someone else, buy 10 more tickets. That's another 1 in 25,900,000 chance, but since you're two distinct people you're combining your two distinct odds, so what you really have is a 2 in 25,900,000 chance, which is actually 1 in 12,950,000. Keep doing that enough and you can get your odds down to 1 in just a few thousand. Yes, there is some initial outlay of money here..it's going to take 20 or so purchases to get your odds down to these virtually sure-thing levels, so maybe 200 or 250 tickets bought as 20 or 25 people, but I'm sure I don't need to explain the idea of return on investment, also called ROI, to you in this situation.

I've seen much better from you.

Pocket Ninja: Don't pass it around too much, but I've figured out how to game the system. See, everybody who plays has a 1 in 259 million chance of winning. Now, if you buy 10 tickets, that takes your odds up to 10 in 259 million, or (if you use basic division, 259,000,000/10 1 in 25,900,000. But that's for you as one player, see? So what you do is put on a wig, maybe some fake glasses, and in the guise of someone else, buy 10 more tickets. That's another 1 in 25,900,000 chance, but since you're two distinct people you're combining your two distinct odds, so what you really have is a 2 in 25,900,000 chance, which is actually 1 in 12,950,000. Keep doing that enough and you can get your odds down to 1 in just a few thousand. Yes, there is some initial outlay of money here..it's going to take 20 or so purchases to get your odds down to these virtually sure-thing levels, so maybe 200 or 250 tickets bought as 20 or 25 people, but I'm sure I don't need to explain the idea of return on investment, also called ROI, to you in this situation.

Yeah but then I would have to split the winnings with all those other people!

vernonFL: Pocket Ninja: Don't pass it around too much, but I've figured out how to game the system. See, everybody who plays has a 1 in 259 million chance of winning. Now, if you buy 10 tickets, that takes your odds up to 10 in 259 million, or (if you use basic division, 259,000,000/10 1 in 25,900,000. But that's for you as one player, see? So what you do is put on a wig, maybe some fake glasses, and in the guise of someone else, buy 10 more tickets. That's another 1 in 25,900,000 chance, but since you're two distinct people you're combining your two distinct odds, so what you really have is a 2 in 25,900,000 chance, which is actually 1 in 12,950,000. Keep doing that enough and you can get your odds down to 1 in just a few thousand. Yes, there is some initial outlay of money here..it's going to take 20 or so purchases to get your odds down to these virtually sure-thing levels, so maybe 200 or 250 tickets bought as 20 or 25 people, but I'm sure I don't need to explain the idea of return on investment, also called ROI, to you in this situation.

Yeah but then I would have to split the winnings with all those other people!

This is simple you've got the money, now you just hire a hit on those people.  The real problem is finding the ones who were wearing disguises.

Thanks for the reminder.  I play when it gets big.  \$10 a couple times a year is a fun gamble.

I bought a few.......but you know what? They say that usually the winning ticket is sold in the frenzy of buying that is the last day of sales before the drawing.
I HAVE TO GO BACK AND BUY MOAR TODAY!!!!

/yeah \$5 bfd

You're odds of getting smacked by the above are better.

I'd keep my money, but whatever blows your hair back.

If I win I will buy Fark and give Total Fark to everyone.

You're welcome.

If I hut a golf ball into a twenty acre field the odds of any particular blade if grass getting hit are vanishingly small, but the odds that a blade grass will get hit are essentially 1.

I'm in for \$20

JusticeandIndependence: If I win I will buy Fark and give Total Fark to everyone.

You're welcome.

Hmm, that's actually not the worst idea...and then...

We have a pool at our company that's up to \$200 so far.

There's about 100 people playing, so after taxes we'd each get like \$3 million, which is more than enough for my wife and I to retire on after investing it for 10 years.

I picked one up Sunday. I hope I win, not because I get a half billion dollars, but because I bought it at a locally owned independent convenience store that's run by a nice couple. The bonus they get for selling the winner would help them out quite a bit I'm sure.

You have a better chance of getting struck by lightning...I have yet to be struck, in a tornado, hurricane, boating accident, serious or fatal car accident, victim of septic back up or oil hitting the anus.

Buying 2 tickets... what do I have to lose.

Threw down \$10 bucks this morning. I know I won't win, but I figure the entertainment I get from dreaming about what I could do with the money is worth it.

I bribed the sales clerk, she said i would win for sure.

I'm in for \$10 - it's cheap entertainment for a day of being excited about something.  Of course there's the weekly therapist visit to deal with the ensuing depression too, but that's a different topic (and expense) all together.

under a mountain: [images.bwbx.io image 630x420]

Horrible story, I hope I don't turn out like him when I win.

cats4rent: I bribed the sales clerk, she said i would win for sure.

Hey, she told me the same thing this morning.

I'd love to do the interview where they ask 'What do you plan to do with the money?'

My response?

"I'm going to buy a couple of congressmen"

I never play the lottery and usually laugh at those who do, but if we're talking over half a billion dollars, I'll gladly join the herd.

/gonna pick up three later today
//everyone gets TF if I win
///and beer of your choice

If I win I'll buy a whole year of TotalFark.

Rabid Badger Beaver Weasel: Threw down \$10 bucks this morning. I know I won't win, but I figure the entertainment I get from dreaming about what I could do with the money is worth it.

This sums up my thoughts on the matter exactly.

/I'm not really sure what I'd do were I to actually win.
//head would prolly asplode.

pete1729: I'd love to do the interview where they ask 'What do you plan to do with the money?'

My response?

"I'm going to buy a couple of congressmen"

"congressmen" is code for hookers, isn't it?

pete1729: I'd love to do the interview where they ask 'What do you plan to do with the money?'

My response?

"I'm going to buy a couple of congressmen"

I saw a local station do the "what would you do with the money" thing with people in line.  One guy said "I'd get new skirting for the mobile home!" Pretty quick thinking to come up with something funny like that rather than the typical stuff.

This came up in conversation with a friend again recently.

He and his wife had talked a long time ago about it one of the first times it hit some stupid number, and she asked him what they'd do if they won.

He replied, in all seriousness, 'We'd hire a lawyer and get gently divorced, splitting the money the right way for the kids."

She, of course, was shocked.

But, his perfectly truthful reasoning was such: "It will happen anyway, with a lot more hate and tragedy, because you will not like the person I become with that much money."

Course, he'd do it the right way, and drown in a pile of hookers and blow in the next 5 years, so, there's that.

The Stealth Hippopotamus: I paid my stupid tax.

Anytime it hits half a billion dollars I take my chance.

I do look at it as a voluntary tax.  And since I am financially stable, I figure I can afford to subsidize schools and whatever else just a bit more.  It is the only tax that has a chance of giving me money back.

Also, since I don't really need the money as badly as others, I figure karma will help me win just cause it would piss people off.  Like when an 80 year old person wins.

mark.jms: This came up in conversation with a friend again recently.

He and his wife had talked a long time ago about it one of the first times it hit some stupid number, and she asked him what they'd do if they won.

He replied, in all seriousness, 'We'd hire a lawyer and get gently divorced, splitting the money the right way for the kids."

She, of course, was shocked.

But, his perfectly truthful reasoning was such: "It will happen anyway, with a lot more hate and tragedy, because you will not like the person I become with that much money."

Course, he'd do it the right way, and drown in a pile of hookers and blow in the next 5 years, so, there's that.

Refreshing honesty, and probably what I'd do as well.  I'm just not sure my wife would be able to keep up with the animal I would become.

pete1729: I'd love to do the interview where they ask 'What do you plan to do with the money?'

My response?

"I'm going to buy a couple of congressmen"

"Many, many thing of which your mother would not approve, and some of those involve her."

I'm in Toronto.

If I won*, I'd run for Mayor. For the lulz.

*or the Canadian Equivalent, Lotto Max, currently up to \$50m

I know that I won't win, but it's worth the dollar for a few days of dreaming.

I don't understand people who get excited about things that won't happen.  I mean, just convince yourself that there's gold under your house and that you'll get spectacularly wealthy one day.  It's false hope of course, but still probably more likely than winning the lottery.  Also, it's free false-hope.

/ I stopped getting excited about lotteries right around the same age where it became legal for me to play them

Ancient Joke:
Every night Mr. Goldberg says his prayers, ending with "... and Lord, could I please win the Lottery? Amen."
This goes on every night for years, decades.
Finally one night, he finishes his prayers and as he is getting in to bed, there is thunder, lightning, the Heavens part and God himself thunderously calls down, "Goldberg!"
"Yes, My Lord!" he tremulously replies.
"Goldberg! Meet me half way - at least buy a ticket!"

/surprised this hasn't already gotten in to the thread
//my wife is buying the ticket(s), going to pay off family farm debt if she wins, then MAYBE get something for me.

It's worth a buck or two to dream the dream. It's cheap entertainment.

/I hope this Farker wins.
//got plans

On the other hand assuming someone wins tonight, tomorrow would be the perfect time to win the \$50m Powerball jackpot, especially if you could manage to claim your prize on the same day the MegaMillions winners claim theirs.  The perfect way to win and still stay out of the public eye.

Rabid Badger Beaver Weasel: Threw down \$10 bucks this morning. I know I won't win, but I figure the entertainment I get from dreaming about what I could do with the money is worth it.

Two girls at the same time.

vernonFL: If you buy a ticket, your chances of winning are 1 in 300 million.

If you dont buy a ticket, your chances are zero.

Exactly, the impovment from 0 tickets to 1 ticket is significant. Buying a second ticket does increase your odds, but only a very tiny bit. Better to spend that second dollar in the megaplier, which boosts all "lesser" wins.

JusticeandIndependence: cats4rent: I bribed the sales clerk, she said i would win for sure.

Hey, she told me the same thing this morning.

Oh yeah.  Well, she told me sex with me was better than you.

I'm going to buy a gold lamé banana hammock made of real gold and then go violently thrust my hips in the face of female panhandlers before ultimately handing them a nickel for their time.

Pocket Ninja: Don't pass it around too much, but I've figured out how to game the system. See, everybody who plays has a 1 in 259 million chance of winning. Now, if you buy 10 tickets, that takes your odds up to 10 in 259 million, or (if you use basic division, 259,000,000/10 1 in 25,900,000. But that's for you as one player, see? So what you do is put on a wig, maybe some fake glasses, and in the guise of someone else, buy 10 more tickets. That's another 1 in 25,900,000 chance, but since you're two distinct people you're combining your two distinct odds, so what you really have is a 2 in 25,900,000 chance, which is actually 1 in 12,950,000. Keep doing that enough and you can get your odds down to 1 in just a few thousand. Yes, there is some initial outlay of money here..it's going to take 20 or so purchases to get your odds down to these virtually sure-thing levels, so maybe 200 or 250 tickets bought as 20 or 25 people, but I'm sure I don't need to explain the idea of return on investment, also called ROI, to you in this situation.

What are you, Sybil?

buzzcut73: I picked one up Sunday. I hope I win, not because I get a half billion dollars, but because I bought it at a locally owned independent convenience store that's run by a nice couple. The bonus they get for selling the winner would help them out quite a bit I'm sure.

Which store is it? I wanna go shoplift after work

Always in when it gets this big.  I waste more money on coffee and TF than I do on the lottery.  When I win, I'm gone.  Off the Grid. Adios muchachos. Family gets set with annuities and a stake in the LLP. Will leave one sign on the apartment door, 'Gone with the Wind.'

It's nice to dream about.

Random Anonymous Blackmail: You have a better chance of getting struck by lightning...I have yet to be struck, in a tornado, hurricane, boating accident, serious or fatal car accident, victim of septic back up or oil hitting the anus.

so you're due! Buy TWO tickets.

SlothB77: Pocket Ninja: Don't pass it around too much, but I've figured out how to game the system. See, everybody who plays has a 1 in 259 million chance of winning. Now, if you buy 10 tickets, that takes your odds up to 10 in 259 million, or (if you use basic division, 259,000,000/10 1 in 25,900,000. But that's for you as one player, see? So what you do is put on a wig, maybe some fake glasses, and in the guise of someone else, buy 10 more tickets. That's another 1 in 25,900,000 chance, but since you're two distinct people you're combining your two distinct odds, so what you really have is a 2 in 25,900,000 chance, which is actually 1 in 12,950,000. Keep doing that enough and you can get your odds down to 1 in just a few thousand. Yes, there is some initial outlay of money here..it's going to take 20 or so purchases to get your odds down to these virtually sure-thing levels, so maybe 200 or 250 tickets bought as 20 or 25 people, but I'm sure I don't need to explain the idea of return on investment, also called ROI, to you in this situation.

I've seen much better from you.

Not recently.

Lt. Cheese Weasel: Always in when it gets this big.  I waste more money on coffee and TF than I do on the lottery.  When I win, I'm gone.  Off the Grid. Adios muchachos. Family gets set with annuities and a stake in the LLP. Will leave one sign on the apartment door, 'Gone with the Wind.'

It's nice to dream about.

mathematically, it is a no brainer.  the odds of winning are 1 in 250mil right?  so it would cost you 250 mil to buy every possible combination.  Therefore, each ticket is now worth 1/250millionth of the jackpot (were you to purchare all combinations).  Now you are guarranteed to win.  Since the ticket costs \$1, if the prize is more than 250Mil, then each ticket has a real value equal to its percentage of the prize pool.  actually your chances are even better, since if you did buy every single combination, then you would win every possible way at the same time.

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