This is what a big dick really looks like...

Donnchadha: Psycat: imfallen_angel: Psycat: Here's a formula for figuring out a guy's phallic size.  Suppose a guy claims his tallywhacker is X inches long.  His real penis size is 30 / X in inches.

/aren't you glad you have me to tell you how to think?

So... *checking the logic of your math*... I'd have to claim 4 or smaller according to your math?

My reasoning is that the average guy's dick is 5.5 inches and 5.5 squared is a little over 30.  Guys with tiny dicks tend to exaggerate the size, so I thought an inverse relationship was mathematically sound.  And I'm presuming *snicker* that the well-endowed gents tend to downplay the size of their units due to modesty.

Also, this is a recursive formula; if somebody claims 4" to imply they have 7.5", that really means they have 30/7.5 or 4" for real.  But that's not the end of the world as they can always be deep-throated by a circus midget...

I don't know what this means, but I only have a 3" dick...

From the recursively inverse double-whammy rule with the formula, this means you really do have a 3-incher.  But don't worry, Lulu the Bearded Midget Girl is waiting for ya...

/after she's done with my 2-incher

How about a penis extender made with $100 bills?  Ribbed, for her pleasure, of course...

ShardingGreat: tblax: I refuse to buy into the media's perception of penis size. ALL PENISES ARE BEAUTIFUL.

They are farking not beautiful. Penises are wonderful things but they look like grub worms with turtleneck sweaters.

Only the un-cut versions--they look like the butt end of a worm.  My tadger's been snipped and looks like a cute lil' mushroom-tipped Pink Panatella that hundreds, dozens, well, my retarded next-door neighbor likes to sit on anyways...

ZeroCorpse: HAHAHA!

Yeah, right. That headline is what women tell men with small penises to make them feel okay about their little guy.

I know, because I have never heard that speech. The one I hear usually starts with a wide-eyed gasp, followed by "Oh my God."

Truth is, my penis is a mile long and has five thousand ten-inch mini penes protruding from it so I can copulate with five thousand women at a time.  On the very first night I lost my virginity at the age of twelve, I copulated seven hundred times, out-farking Hugh Hefner, Wilt Chamberlain, and the entire elders of the Mormon Church.  Since then, I've farked--and this is a modest estimate--twenty-three trillion women.  I'm also the world's first quadrillionaire and own a mansion with fifteen billion rooms and my yacht is so big that the swimming pool on it is so big I need another mini-yacht to get from one end of the swimming pool to the other--and the swimming pool on the mini-yacht is so big that I need a mini-mini-yacht to cross that.  And the intergalactic edition of People magazine has named me, Psycat, the Sexiest Male in the Entire Milky Way Galaxy.  And, on top of that, I was the fifth runner-up in the 1998 Bettendorf, Iowa Armpit-Farting Contest.  So there!

And not only is my penis so big that I have to put an aircraft-warning beacon on top of it, I won the Nobel Prize in Humility for the last ten years running.  Take that, Gandhi!

puddleonfire: [sadventurez.files.wordpress.com image 320x240]

/oblig

I'm waiting for somebody to post a picture of Arsenio Hall being thrown down a large hotdog bun.

*sigh*   Really, "hotdog down a hallway" is a really stupid, tired trope by some fifth-rate comedian like Adam Sandler.  Why not something with a bit of inspiration like "bratwurst down a blunderbuss" or "Wee Willie Winkie down the Love Canal".  Even "toothpick down a moa's cloaca" is more inspired than "hotdog down a hallway"...

/that's why I'm royalty

But, hey, it's a bit after 4:20* PM, I'm sitting in the midst of thousands of colored sticks, recovering from two days of screaming kids in Chi-Town, enjoying a purple-drank buzz, intermittently watching a crummy Clark and McCullough comedy from 1935, contemplating rubbing one out to pictures of women with scuba gear and swim caps, and contemplating Wilde's "Picture of Dorian Grey" and the metaphysical inconsistencies of the Aestheticism Movement of the late 1890s--typical day for me, Psycat, who is really a monarch in seventeen different space-time continua...

*Every cool kid knows what 420 means.  April 20th is Harold Lloyd's birthday.  When hip kids say "420", what they mean is "Gather at yon tree at 4:20 PM, then lets go to one of our houses, preferably one where the parents aren't home, then draw the curtains and within minutes you'll hear gales of laughter coming from said house because you know what's happening inside--we'll be laughing at a classic Harold Lloyd comedy like "Safety Last" or "Why Worry?" and, yes, we'll be eating day-glo orange Cheetos (TM) and taking massive bong rips, but the important thing is that we're laughing at the slapstick antics of  Harold Lloyd, Greatest Slapstick Comedian Ever**".

**Well, Buster and Charlie (Charlie Bowers) may be better, but who's keeping track?

OooShiny: give me doughnuts: Since I'm hung like a Tic-Tac, I have endeavored to improve my manual and lingual skills.
They usually do the trick.

How very cunning...

If you ply your cunning skills in Ireland, you can fly Aer Lingus*

*ba-dump, tchhhhh