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(Glendale News-Press)   That pretty box with the cute velvet drawstring? That's not a nice bottle of whiskey. It's grandma. Give her back   ( glendalenewspress.com) divider line
    More: Sick, penis, Kate Spade  
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3051 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Oct 2013 at 4:25 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2013-10-02 07:14:35 PM  
1 vote:
My dad is in a plastic box in the garage next to the motor oil.  Flew out 2100 miles to take care of him in at home hospice till he croaked even though both siblings lived within 10 miles of him.  Did all the disgusting end of life crap like bedpans, piss buddy containers every 45 minutes or so, and having him go ape on me in a brain tumor rage.  The siblings came over during the evenings and drank all his beer, ate all his food, and raided all his valuables.  They even went through my suitcase and constantly begged me for money.  I set up all the paperwork for the impending death and all the rest of the crap to include my agreement that I didn't need to see the body before baking.  Upon leaving the siblings they ensured me that they had it from there.

I get a call 30 days later from the mortuary letting me know that they have been trying to contact my siblings but they won't answer the phone or respond to mail.   Cuz they can't fire him up without their signoff for fear of lawsuit.  I was farking blown away.  It came down to me convincing my siblings to fax me their permission but they wouldn't do it if they had to help pay.  So I got cremation and a month of rent in the icebox, plus $25.00 or so for the black plastic box.  Mortuary was cool though.  After they heard my story they dropped most of the fridge fee so it dropped to about $1800 as I recall.

I'd chuck him in the trash, but to me he is worth $1800.  Maybe I can mix him with some plaster of paris and sculpt him into something embarrassing to sell on ebay. Maybe a fire hydrant.  Or I could mix them with water, boil it, add some fat, and make soap.  When I dug through the bag there were a lot of bone fragments though.

I'm sorry....  Were you eating?
2013-10-02 04:36:31 PM  
1 vote:
Crown Royal is a nice bottle of whiskey?
2013-10-02 04:32:09 PM  
1 vote:
Whoa wait what?!  They left $6000 worth of stuff and Grandma in the backseat of the minivan for three farking days?!
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