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(BrokenNewz)   Bengals mathematically eliminated from NFL Playoffs until 2017   ( divider line
    More: Satire  
•       •       •

10315 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Jan 2004 at 3:07 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

97 Comments     (+0 »)

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2004-01-16 03:44:43 PM  
in the playoff hunt != making the playoffs
2004-01-16 03:50:02 PM  
Should be called Broken Link News...can't open it.
2004-01-16 03:50:34 PM  

/Carson Palmer
2004-01-16 03:50:50 PM  
Take heart Bengal fans, the Nets used to be the doormat of the NBA, along with the Clips, but look at the last few years. So who is the worst franchise in sports? Arizona Cardinals, Washington Bullets/Wizards, Detroit Tigers, tough choice.
2004-01-16 03:51:55 PM  
2004-01-16 03:52:29 PM  
Hey pattonx,

What hosting service do you guys use at Broken News? Whatever it is, you need to upgrade it if you're going to pay Fark to link to you.
2004-01-16 03:56:03 PM  
Bengal bashing, eh? For the first time in 13 years this is not warranted. Little late, fellas, but you get 5 points for being retro. I sure do hope Broken Newz will let us know when Bush finds his WMD.
2004-01-16 03:56:03 PM  
Look for Corey Dillon to go to the Redskins. Obviously, they need a running back since Spurrier gave away Davis. My 2 cents, I don't want him there. Everybody hates to be on a losing team for years but you notice how he hasn't whined that much this year.
2004-01-16 04:03:15 PM  

Are you kidding? Corey Dillon whined like a baby after the last game. I think he damaged his value to other interested teams by making himself out to be a biatch. As long as the Bengals get something out of trading him I say good riddance.
2004-01-16 04:14:56 PM  
Ladies and Gentlemen...Corey Dillon
[image from too old to be available]
2004-01-16 04:21:15 PM  
Corey Dillon - another example of wasted talent. STFU you
f---ing baby!

About the only guy who could snap him into shape is the Tuna down in Dallas. But I hate the Cowboys, so I hope that doesn't happen.
2004-01-16 04:21:34 PM  
Dillon is definitely off-kilter a bit. Kind of like Barry Sanders without the skill. I just think he has some issues in social settings.

Please don't give him to the Cowboys, though.
2004-01-16 04:25:40 PM  
WTF... there needs to be come explainer on how things get greenlighted to Fark's main page. This is just weird.
2004-01-16 04:28:55 PM  
Will Brett Farve be able to play this Sunday inspite of this news....awww dammit.

/see you next season
2004-01-16 04:29:02 PM  
Are you guys kidding me? Headlines like that are the reason for Fark; a laugh, pure absurdity.

Yeah the Bengals finally had a decent year but the fans gotta face it, they've sucked for a long time. I'm a huge Rangers (NHL) fan but I'd be laughing my arse off if the the headline was "Rangers mathematically eliminated from NHL Playoffs until 2017." Cause its true, until they make the playoffs again, and show some guts in said playoffs, they deserve heaps of ridicule.

Of course the article is farked so I haven't read it, but I still wanted to give the poster a thumbs up for a terrifically funny headline.

Dat's all.
2004-01-16 04:34:25 PM  
Hey arsehole, here's an idea! If your dumbass 'comedy' site can't handle the number of hits that a Fark link will generate, then DON'T POST A LINK TO YOUR SITE ON FARK.
2004-01-16 04:34:36 PM  

There is no doubt! Arizona Cardinals are THE worst franchise in sports.
2004-01-16 04:48:04 PM  
Yep. There is such a thing a bad satire...

Welcome to stuff that was funny a year ago but doesn't apply anymore...
2004-01-16 04:53:21 PM  
2004-01-16 03:52:29 PM superoogie
Hey pattonx,

What hosting service do you guys use at Broken News? Whatever it is, you need to upgrade it if you're going to pay Fark to link to you.

I'm positive that pattonx does not run Broken Newz. Therefore, your feeble attempt at humor (i.e. accusing them of paying for a link) is pretty lame.

Thanks for playing though.
2004-01-16 04:54:19 PM  
Hmmm the NFL. Is that the sport where owners split merchandise sales, ticket sales, and national television contract money? Seems like a formula for a crap product.
When they bring back the old days of what you put on the field was the main factor on how fat your bottom line was then I'll watch with interest.
Owners or players make too much? Not as long as the suckas keep paying the bills.
2004-01-16 04:56:12 PM  
shiattiest. Parody. EVER.

Wake up from your dot-com dreams, BrokenNewz!
2004-01-16 05:02:45 PM  

I'll take the parity of the NFL over the imbalance of MLB any day of the week. Personally, I think it's exciting when 31 teams (not Arizona) have a legitimate shot to win it all year in and year out.

BTW, the NFL is blowing the other pro sports leagues out of the water, which doesn't really support the crappy product claim.

/My $0.02
2004-01-16 05:03:36 PM  
Patriots 24, Indy 21.AFC Champs. You heard it here first

Actually, I heard it here first.
2004-01-16 05:15:00 PM  
I don't get it.
Bengals had a really good season this year.

They totally showed face for last season.
2004-01-16 05:21:27 PM  
With the bears hiring lovie smith, I think they can also be eliminated too
2004-01-16 05:24:48 PM  
2004-01-16 05:21:27 PM Buckshot00

With the bears hiring lovie smith, I think they can also be eliminated too

Yeah, his press conferences haven't inspired a lot of confidence in me about his leadership ability.
2004-01-16 05:30:19 PM  
VisualLingo for president.
2004-01-16 05:41:11 PM  

2004-01-16 03:41:03 PM unclesharky

upright for President


2004-01-16 05:30:19 PM pattonx

VisualLingo for president


We'll settle this in Iowa
2004-01-16 05:44:40 PM  
I live in Michigan...

Go lions... you can win 6 games next year!

Our only hope is that the other team is playing with their star players hurt.
2004-01-16 05:59:32 PM  

Yes; Go Lions. I've heard on interwebnet that Millen is "interested" in Keyshawn Johnson. But, of course.. with the Lions, interested only means "we'd talk to him if he called us"
2004-01-16 06:25:37 PM  
Whoever approves these links needs to put the beer down.

If this is the crap that's on the regular site, I won't be joining TF anytime soon.

Oh, yeah ... the Browns sucked last year, suck right now, and will continue to suck in the future. Only in Cleveland can an overrated college coach be hailed as a hero.
2004-01-16 07:11:28 PM  
Shiat....the Beatles broke up???
2004-01-16 07:25:33 PM  
2004-01-16 07:55:52 PM  
2004-01-16 08:42:21 PM  
2004-01-16 08:48:36 PM  
They are the best in the NFC. They just underavhieved.

2004-01-16 08:58:10 PM  
Contrary to popular belief, the Bengals did not have a "good" season. They were a .500 club this year. Sure, it's a hell of a step up from 2-14, but most other teams in the NFL wouldn't consider 8-8 a good year. Another thing to consider: this isn't the first time the Bengals have been 8-8 since their decline into mediocrity. 8-8 in 1996, 7-9 in 1997 and it was downhill from there. Marvin Lewis did a good job turning a 2-14 team into an 8-8 team, but let's not get ahead of ourselves here. It's a bit early to be thinking that the Bengals won't continue to suck for years to come.

As for Arizona: I've got them at 6-0 in Madden 2004 right now. Dunno if that counts for anything.
2004-01-16 09:34:57 PM  

Cincy will probably get to the playoffs before Cleveland

ummm...Cleveland was in the playoffs last year

2004-01-16 10:24:53 PM  
It's true - nobody sucks as powerfully as the Cleveland Clowns.


Jamal Lewis
2004-01-16 10:49:12 PM  
Go Panthers! 1-15 to 11-4 in two years! John Fox- you da man!
2004-01-16 10:54:51 PM  
AzzMazter: Nobody, that is, except for Jim Rome.

And is it just me, or does Jim Rome look a lot like "comedian" Rich Vos?

[image from too old to be available]
[image from too old to be available]

Okay, okay...maybe it's just me.
2004-01-16 11:49:16 PM  
Cleveland Browns franchise under new ownership

The Associated Press
Tuesday, December 23, 2003; 6:37 PM

The Cleveland Brown front office announced today that the franchise has
undergone an immediate change in ownership status. In a move not unlike the
secret arrangement made by previous owner Art Modell on an airport tarmac,
when the original franchise relocated to Baltimore, late last evening,
papers were quickly drawn up for another secret meeting in which complete
ownership of the Browns was transferred to running back Jamal Lewis, of the
Baltimore Ravens.

In a move expected to be approved by the NFL League Office, Lewis will be
allowed to remain playing with the Ravens while also owning the Browns.
Upon assuming control of the Browns franchise, Lewis immediately traded the
entire defense to the Pitttsburg Steelers, in preparation for next Sunday
night's game where he will attempt to first exceed 2,000 yards rushing in a
season, then eclipse Eric Dickerson's record of 2,105, then set a new
standard of 2,521 yards by halftime.
2004-01-17 12:53:44 AM  
Worst franchise in pro sports? Going by winning percentage, it's the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Despite the past few years, they're still "ahead" of such sad-sack piece of shiat franchises like the LA Clippers, Arizona Cardinals, and even the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. I know this because it came up in an email thread at work a while back.
2004-01-17 05:00:46 AM  
Yeah! Screw Chad Johnson!

Go Chiefs!
2004-01-17 06:29:49 AM  
Go Chiefs!

I cant wait until the Bengals send them packin in the playoffs next year.

you heard it here first
2004-01-17 09:13:49 AM  
but most other teams in the NFL wouldn't consider 8-8 a good year

The Browns would.

Cincy will probably get to the playoffs before Cleveland

ummm...Cleveland was in the playoffs last year

ummm...I'm pretty sure he's referring to the future. After all, it's pretty easy to predict the past.

Cleveland snuck into the playoffs in 2002 and they have no future as long as the twin egos (Policy and Davis) run the show with their toady Mike Trivisonno on WTAM calling them geniuses.
2004-01-20 09:23:31 PM  
Browns fans always jab Bengals by asking how many championships the Bengals have won. sounds like something TheNick might have said.
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