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(BrokenNewz)   Bengals mathematically eliminated from NFL Playoffs until 2017   ( divider line
    More: Satire  
•       •       •

10315 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Jan 2004 at 3:07 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

97 Comments     (+0 »)

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

2004-01-16 11:41:25 AM  
Go Browns?
2004-01-16 12:06:36 PM  
Lions can't be far behind.
2004-01-16 12:10:12 PM  
./}Walk like an Egyptian ./}
2004-01-16 12:10:28 PM  
this article would have been hilarious a year ago.
2004-01-16 12:16:57 PM  
The Bengals had a fairly good season in 2003, damn near made the playoffs too. The AFC North is the shiattiest division in the NFL so that helps them.

In a related story, BrokenNewz needs to take its Christmas lights down.
2004-01-16 01:00:41 PM  
1999 called, they want their article back.

Here's a hint. If you are going to write a satirical article about football, know something about football first. The Bengals were in the playoff hunt until the last game of the season this year.
2004-01-16 02:35:05 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2004-01-16 02:56:34 PM  
How does this article get approved ? ? ?

...yeah what they said
2004-01-16 03:10:18 PM  

my sentiments exactly.

2004-01-16 03:10:50 PM  

You sound like my uncle in Cleveland

2004-01-16 03:11:57 PM  
Thanks for giving us your trash, TF.

Note to self re: getting articles approved.
1. Locate a "satire" site.
2. Submit articles from said site. Quality of headline/tagline unimportant.
3. Goto 1
2004-01-16 03:12:46 PM  
So farking s.l.o.w...zzzzzzzzzz
2004-01-16 03:12:56 PM  
All I have to say about the Bengals is ...


[image from too old to be available]
Patriots 24, Indy 21.AFC Champs. You heard it here first

2004-01-16 03:13:18 PM  
And, man, what about that Vice President Quayle?! What an idiot!!!
2004-01-16 03:14:01 PM  
In other incredibly-recent satire news, how about that Kato Kaelin? It's like Tony Harding and Joey Buttafuoco had a stringy-haired love child.

/1994 references
2004-01-16 03:14:36 PM  
Er, Tonya, not Tony Harding.
2004-01-16 03:15:30 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

/GIS for losers
2004-01-16 03:15:33 PM  
1999 called, they want their article back.

Here's a hint. If you are going to write a satirical article about football, know something about football first. The Bengals were in the playoff hunt until the last game of the season this year.

Agreed. In fact, they would have been in the playoffs if the officials didn't have that unbelievable game clock fark up in the Baltimore/Seattle game. Had that not happened< Baltimore would have had one less win and Cincinnatti would have won the AFC North.
2004-01-16 03:18:17 PM  
mick e is getting tired of the Onion wannabes. They are quite pathetic and sad.
2004-01-16 03:18:19 PM  
Hate to say it, but dumb article. Know your subject matter. Chargers, Raiders, Detroit perhaps... this is just ignorant.
2004-01-16 03:18:33 PM  
It's a good thing the site is down so that I can't read it and then make some acerbic comment about how deriding the Bengals is so 2002. Cuz it is. As everyone has already pointed out here.

That's it, i quit.
2004-01-16 03:20:32 PM  
Well...that didn't take particularly long, did it?
2004-01-16 03:20:55 PM  
2004-01-16 03:21:02 PM  
Boy I bet Ickey Woods is pissed
2004-01-16 03:21:08 PM  
I guess I will get to read the article in 2017 as farkin slow as it is!!!
2004-01-16 03:21:24 PM  
Epsilon: Baltimore won the division by 2 games, thanks to the wonderful job the Bengals did at home against the Browns.
2004-01-16 03:22:35 PM  
Sports jokes are unfunny
2004-01-16 03:24:09 PM  
Broken Newz: "No, seriously, I really am funny. All my friends tell me I crack them up."
2004-01-16 03:25:20 PM  
Dear Jim Rome,

Sports jokes are unfunny. Please stop making an ass out of yourself.


Pete Rose
2004-01-16 03:25:57 PM  
s/Jim Rome/Broken Newz
2004-01-16 03:25:59 PM  

Don't talk smack about Detroit. Next year, we're going to be atleast respectable. I think they should have made fun of ARIZONA.
2004-01-16 03:27:24 PM  
If Cincinnati trades Corey Dillon to Dallas for some draft picks and pick all safeties and cornerbacks then Cincinnati will be a good team for years to come.

We also need a good punter.
2004-01-16 03:27:26 PM  
Hi, uh 1999? This is 1989 calling. I heard what you said about the Bengals- you're crazy! Boomer alone can carry them into the playoffs for years to come!

Also, I'm pretty sure the Atlanta Braves are going to suck until the end of time.

/Making sense is not a requirement for me
2004-01-16 03:28:10 PM  
All that farking waiting for that pile of horse shiat of an article, I'd rather stab my eyes with a rusty screwdriver
2004-01-16 03:30:19 PM  
Didn't RTFA but i heard Duke sucks.
2004-01-16 03:30:36 PM  

Brokennews to be funny when Bengals go to playoffs, waiting patiently for 2017
2004-01-16 03:32:00 PM  
Actual humor surrenders...
2004-01-16 03:32:34 PM  
I'm just glad I paid no attention to the NFL this season until playoffs (which have been awesome the past few weeks). College football was way too good for me to wake up in time to watch football on Sunday. Okay, so I just graduated from USC and I'm sure that has something to do with my bias, but the pros blows.
2004-01-16 03:33:56 PM  
I can picture the roomful of uninitiated writers for that website sitting around, brainstorming their new cutting-edge article:

"Hey, don't the Cincy Bengals suck at football?"
"I don't know. I've never really watched the sport. I was always too busy playing Dungeons and Dragons, but I think they do...."
"Let's write a funny article about how they'll never make it to that World Series thingee!"
2004-01-16 03:34:24 PM  
Uh, the point of the article is that no matter how good the Bengals were this year, they've been so bad for so long it's gonna take more than a "decent" season to get past the ridicule.

But, yeah, I know most people commenting in the "satire" threads aren't gonna "get" much...

Because you're dummies (I didn't want to leave y'all guessing what I meant).
2004-01-16 03:34:32 PM  
Yeah. Everyone loves a good Bengal-bashing article. Its like shooting fish in a barrel. Or targetting some other helpless creature in a confined space. (Kind of like the Bengals QB)
2004-01-16 03:36:38 PM  
Cincy will probably get to the playoffs before Cleveland - the Browns have become the new Cincinnati by using great draft picks and high salaries to create a LOUSY team.

Even in a lousy division the Browns can't do well.
2004-01-16 03:37:06 PM  

It never ceases to crack me up when people incapable of being funny rip on other articles, accusing them of being unfunny. It's like a guy standing in dog doo telling another guy, "Hey! Your shirt has a stain on it!" and relishing in the thrill of the jab.

It's amusement plus one.

And for what it's worth, I thought it was funny. So what, the Bengals got close - were they in the playoffs?


The streak still stands. They are STILL in the running for not being in the playoffs until 2017.
2004-01-16 03:38:20 PM  
uh, that still demonstrates a lack of knowledge in football. And what does ridicule have to do with making the playoffs?

But, no, we're the dummies.
2004-01-16 03:41:03 PM  
upright for President
2004-01-16 03:41:22 PM  
Yeah, they've been so bad for so long, that would be like the Rams in 1999, where they sucked for so long and... er, nevermind.

What I mean is it would be like the sorry ass Angels in 2002. Hmm.

What I mean is, it would be like the Might Ducks, who have always sucked at hockey to all of a sudden.... no.
2004-01-16 03:42:17 PM  
Hey upright,

Bad satire is a bigger sin than not getting it.

Bad satire means you have a vague grasp of the subject, but lack the mastery to actually make effectively funny comments on it.
2004-01-16 03:42:40 PM  

You think the Bengals should draft Deangelo Hall? They won't have a shot at Sean Taylor, unless they trade Correy Dillon somewhere, as you say
2004-01-16 03:43:07 PM  
Can someone 'splain to me what the requirements are to get posted? Ditto Haywood, Jules.
2004-01-16 03:44:21 PM  
Cheesus, uh, you're right. 2 games. Well, it was a nice thought that I had.
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