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(WTSP)   Florida's elusive Mystery Monkey now has a girlfriend, who truly accepts him, even though he lives in a cage, has the herp   ( wtsp.com) divider line
    More: Followup, The Tampa Tribune, bottle cage, Dade City, Florida  
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3259 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Sep 2013 at 10:28 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2013-09-27 11:06:00 AM  
2 votes:
thedroidyourelookingfor.files.wordpress.comView Full Size

This is what the guy will look like after his fixin'. "Oh gawd. She's going on about the cage. She wants to move to another cage with a better view. I told her 'I don't decide about cages, lady. They tossed me in here just like they did you." So this gets her spun up. "Maybe if you were a real monkey, you could convince them to move us to that cage over there. You know, us sign language, throw some poo. But no. You just sit around, scratching that monkey butt of yours waiting for a banana. Can't even do a real monkey's job in the bedroom either." She's always got to bring that up. "Wasn't my idea, lady. The hairless asses gave me a shot and when I woke up, nothing worked. Although, having met you, spent time with you and have gotten to know you, I GLAD THEY DID IT! Saved me a bunch of trouble!"
2013-09-27 10:58:42 AM  
2 votes:
The Tampa Bay Times reports Cornelius might be neutered to prevent him passing the virus to any potential offspring.

So he's getting a girlfriend but having his junk altered? What heinous crime did he commit to deserve this? Even if we had caught Hitler, the Hague wouldn't have allowed this. "Adolph Hilter, er Hitler, for crimes against humanity, we sentence you to be confined to a small villa with Eva for the remainder of your life. And we're cutting your junk off."

Can you just shoot me and get it over with?


All I did was start a world war and knock the population down a bit. This is pretty mean. Even by my standards.

Gavel says it's so (Bang)

Can I have a rope to hang myself with?

No ropes. Seize his belt and shoe laces.

Gotferdangitohsomuch. I wouldn't have tried to enslave the world if I thought there would be a chance that I'd wind up junkless listening to her prattle on about her day, her friends and that Lifetime movie she watched.
2013-09-27 10:40:43 AM  
2 votes:
4.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size

He's missing the point.
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