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(Nyasa Times (Malawi))   Armed gang break into office building owned by the post office, beat and tie up the guards, take all the computers and money, and for good measure, help themselves to the contents of a bar and all available fried chicken   ( nyasatimes.com) divider line
    More: Amusing, Post Office Ltd., robbery, Monetary Policy Committee, security service, crew, office equipment, lost and found, computers  
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3332 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Sep 2013 at 7:58 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2013-09-17 08:48:58 AM  
2 votes:
An official of UK Security Company manning the premises says 20 armed robbers stormed the premises around 12 am few hours after the closure of the bar and overpowered the three UK security men who were armed with only button sticks and torches. Normally the bar closes at 10pm.

Ah, the days at UK Security Men Academy. The early wakeups at 9 with naught but tea and a biscuit in bed and scarcely enough time to peruse the Daily mail before a strenuous day of training. As we waited for the tram that would drive us around the excersize field, we would do the following song:

This is my button stick!
This is my torch!
This is for something but I'm not sure what
and this is for lighting my porch!

After we've driven around the excersize field until we were all exhausted, we would report to desk training. It was drilled in to us be our relentless Drill Sergeant, Miss Purdy, that we were not allowed to leave one elevated foot crossed across the other too long less the lower leg would lose it's blood supply. So, to her command of "Left Foot Top!" we'd rotate the positions of our feet while leaning back in our chairs. Grilling. They had the old style wooden chairs. Not the ergonomic chairs of today. Kids. they have it so easy.

After 7 grueling hours of training, we were assembled in the courtyard for graduation ceremonies. The Queen spoke at the commencement. He wore the finest gown and had plucked his chest hairs for the occasion. After that, it was back to the hut for our assignments. I wanted a field job. A place where maybe the air conditioning wasn't always on and where you had to stay at your post for at least 6 hours. But I got RumpleBottom on the Commons. It was a cushy assignment. Two hours on, three weeks off. During my first 3 w down, as we called it, I forgot where I worked and wound up at the help desk for Virgin Mobile. All I had to say was "Sorry you wanked your walkntalk, mate. I'm transferring you to our tech support in Former British Colony Outpost Number 7 in Afghanistan. Try to speak up over the bullets and whatnot, eh good chappy?"
2013-09-17 08:05:58 AM  
1 vote:

bunner: More hijinks from The Part Of The World That's Just Screwed ©

"They grabbed each one of them and start beating them up with sticks just as what school teachers do to children"

Fun being a student in that country, but at least you learn how to beat people up with sticks.
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