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(Fark)   Subbette and hubby have decided to start trying for a baby. Any advice?   ( divider line
    More: Advice  
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199 clicks; posted to FarkUs » on 15 Sep 2013 at 9:27 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2013-09-15 07:49:02 PM  
Lots of sex?

\ No more blow jobs  :-(
\\ He prob wasn't getting any anyway.
2013-09-15 07:49:53 PM  
nuke the site from orbit. Its the only way to be sure
2013-09-15 07:50:29 PM  
andyandnoreen.comView Full Size
2013-09-15 07:50:59 PM  
2013-09-15 07:51:22 PM  
I dunno, but if I remember sex ed correctly -- and I think I do -- you'll need to inject a bunch of bees into your uterus. There's something with birds too, but I think that's optional.
2013-09-15 07:53:47 PM  
Go over to Nathan Arizona's place. They've got more than they can handle.
2013-09-15 07:54:42 PM  
Go fark yourselves.
2013-09-15 07:58:42 PM  
insert somewhere close, preferably moist, thrust, repeat.
2013-09-15 07:59:03 PM  
Spend the next 8 weekend driving around watching girls soccer games, then report back
2013-09-15 08:02:49 PM  
While it may be fun now once that little test stick shows she's pregnant you sex life will suffer and then eventually you'll wind up getting it once a month FOREVER.

Sure you want that?
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-09-15 08:02:57 PM  
Poke a hole in the condom.
2013-09-15 08:08:24 PM  
It's not too late to get a dog instead.
2013-09-15 08:09:39 PM  
Don't do it.  You can fark alot without having to send the next 18-25 years regretting it.
2013-09-15 08:26:07 PM  
You should have her mate with a man that's tall and handsome.
2013-09-15 08:28:27 PM  
Why would you want to bring a child onto a world where A-Rod and the Yankees might still make the playoffs?
2013-09-15 08:31:06 PM  

SilentStrider: Why would you want to bring a child onto a world where A-Rod and the Yankees might still make the playoffs?

My oldest daughter just gave me a grandson, and he's going to have to kick someone's ass some day.
2013-09-15 08:31:37 PM  

Sign up to be foster parents and help a few kids out that desperately need it.

It's hard, selfless, thankless, challenging. But it gives back to society and it will educate you in ways you can't imagine.
2013-09-15 08:36:37 PM  
Stop using birth control.
2013-09-15 08:42:12 PM  
Any advice?

Keep right except to pass.

Tip your waitress.

Don't eat the yellow snow.

Don't turn your back.

Don't forget to bring a towel.

Open a checking account with a credit union instead of a bank.

Try to avoid travelling by airplane when practical.

New York-style pizza is superior to all other kinds.

Don't go commando while wearing tight jeans.

Don't look away.

Don't download porn on your work computer.

Always treat all firearm as if they're loaded.

Never point the business end at anything or anyone you do not intend to destroy.

Never put your finger in the trigger well until and unless you are ready to shoot.

Always be sure of your target, as well as anything beside or beyond your target that you may not want to destroy.

If you're trying to get pregnant, try at the correct time of the month.

Condoms are an impediment to pregnancy.

Consult your physician before, during and after pregnancy.

Get any and all vaccinations for your child.

Don't post unmarked NSFW links of Fark.

Don't start a land war in Asia.

Don't do unto others that which you wouldn't want them to do unto you.

Don't yell "fire" in a crowded theater.

Don't fart in a crowded elevator.

And don't blink.

Good luck.


2013-09-15 08:43:28 PM  
Boxers, not briefs.

Every 36 hours, like clockwork. No matter where you are, you have to fark every 36 hours. Denny's will get over it.

There's also something about stretchy egg whites, but I don't want to scare you off.
2013-09-15 08:57:35 PM  
Start saving for college now.
2013-09-15 09:00:23 PM  
you're too fat. forget it.
2013-09-15 09:21:40 PM  
Practice, practice, practice...
2013-09-15 09:22:02 PM  
Don't ask me.  All I ever had to do was toss my pants over the end of the bed and dammit, she came up pregnant.  Dammit the first time was for just fooling around in the shower.
2013-09-15 09:32:03 PM  
Don't post a bunch of baby shiat on Facebook.  It makes your friends hate you, and not out of jealousy.   Soon to be parents and new parents are the most insufferable assholes on the internet.   Just don't take pics, don't share, noone cares.
2013-09-15 09:32:21 PM  
Get on a daycare waiting list.  Now.
2013-09-15 09:41:05 PM  
Best time is just before hallway through the cycle - a little before you might think. Start with the folic acid now, but don't stress about all the contradictory advice out there.
2013-09-15 09:41:39 PM  
Make sure he ejaculates into your vagina.  I hear that's an important step.
2013-09-15 09:48:08 PM  
1. Never pay retail.
b. Buy good earplugs.
iii. Don't post in murder threads.
2013-09-15 09:54:10 PM  

namegoeshere: Every 36 hours, like clockwork.

God Is My Co-Pirate: Best time is just before hallway through the cycle - a little before you might think. Start with the folic acid now, but don't stress about all the contradictory advice out there.

Seriously, these. Starting about a week and a half after your period, fark every 36 hours for about a week.

Good luck!
2013-09-15 10:02:08 PM  

namegoeshere: Boxers, not briefs.

Hubby needs to wear the boxers, in case you were confused.

You can wear boxers, briefs, thongs, black leather with studs, whatever turns your cranks.
2013-09-15 10:12:38 PM  
Don't be one of those parents that would rather spend time at the gym/biking/on the internet/chatting with friends/working on your career than with your kid. New humans are the most fascinating thing on the whole goddamned planet. Watching a protohuman develop into a functioning adult is the most interesting thing you'll ever see. Don't miss a second of it.
2013-09-15 10:14:02 PM  
Stop asking Fark for advice on child rearing.
2013-09-15 10:22:22 PM  
2013-09-15 10:27:20 PM  
Try baiting your hook with Cheerios instead of buffalo wings. Babies actually prefer that bland, oatey taste.
2013-09-15 10:28:47 PM  

Oakenshield: Stop asking Fark for advice on child rearing.

img.fark.netView Full Size
2013-09-15 10:31:21 PM  
img.photobucket.comView Full Size
2013-09-15 10:38:40 PM  
How is babby formed?
how is babby formed
how girl get pragnent
2013-09-15 10:52:39 PM  
I think you can rent those things now..
2013-09-15 11:23:17 PM 6 0+121+article.htm

Point 2 is easy to check if you've even followed the Billings method

Also, relax
2013-09-15 11:28:35 PM  
I'd suggest the mall, or maybe the beach - some place crowded. One of you needs to distract the mother, and the other should swoop in quickly and grab the baby. Have a getaway vehicle at the ready. Good luck.
2013-09-15 11:41:18 PM  

W.C.fields forever: I think you can rent those things now..

You can.  I have three available for immediate cruel and demeaning slave labor.  Long term lease options available
2013-09-15 11:43:58 PM  
no matter how much she begs for it, don't pull out and cum on her face.
2013-09-15 11:46:08 PM  
Stay AWAY from the goddamn babby or parenting magazines.
2013-09-15 11:58:31 PM  
Get a bf. You'll get pregnant in no time.

Tell hubby it's his
2013-09-16 12:14:37 AM  
You know any money that you may have now? Kiss it goodbye. Cancel your cable and all your hobbies now and just start humping like bunnies. You'll need every penny when kidlet arrives.
2013-09-16 12:18:05 AM  
Have him save up a pitcher of semen in the fridge for you as he builds up the supply, then have him pour two quarts in all at once.
2013-09-16 12:34:13 AM  
memecrunch.comView Full Size

2013-09-16 12:38:49 AM  
Has anyone mentioned where penis goes
2013-09-16 01:07:36 AM  
welll......moms in parks are generally more easy to distract with another woman talking to her.. so subbette should be the distractor and hubby should go in for the pacage interception
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