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(Fark)   Time for another round of Whose Fark Is It Anyway, the game where everyone's drunk and nothing matters. Tonight's topic: Things not to do in bed   ( fark.com) divider line
    More: Amusing  
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3935 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Sep 2013 at 9:38 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

248 Comments     (+0 »)
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2013-09-03 07:39:44 PM  
Get on the phone and yell "Mom! I FOUND MY SPECIAL PURPOSE!"
2013-09-03 07:39:49 PM  
2013-09-03 07:40:52 PM  
Eat crackers.
2013-09-03 07:41:17 PM  
Field dress a deer.
2013-09-03 07:41:34 PM  
UFIA. Or a dutch oven.
2013-09-03 07:41:42 PM  
Wipe a shart
2013-09-03 07:47:22 PM  
Point and laugh.
2013-09-03 07:48:04 PM  
Jerk it and mumble someone else's name.

2013-09-03 07:48:43 PM  
Dictate the "This is John Galt" speech from Atlas Shrugged.
2013-09-03 07:50:40 PM  
Smoke bacon.
2013-09-03 07:52:20 PM  
Sort your pin collection.
2013-09-03 07:59:21 PM  
[voice="wife"]Have sex.[/voice]

Stupid wife. :/
2013-09-03 07:59:48 PM  
2013-09-03 08:01:08 PM  
Slaughter a chicken
2013-09-03 08:06:40 PM  
Try out the new sand wedge.
2013-09-03 08:10:24 PM  
Masturbate furiously.

Oh, *not* do. NM, carry on.
2013-09-03 08:11:10 PM  
Your mom.
2013-09-03 08:15:31 PM  
Maintain your bedbug farm.
2013-09-03 08:17:10 PM  
Hold a video conference while you are "working from home."

Yeah Marie, we saw your tits through your nightgown.  What the hell were you thinking?
2013-09-03 08:17:55 PM  
A guy I know used to sew while sitting on the bed. He would stick the needle into the mattress between tasks.

Then he got a waterbed.
2013-09-03 08:21:12 PM  
Shower with cardboard cut out of Miley Cyrus as Hannah Montana.

In retrospect, it's probably not a good idea at any time.
2013-09-03 08:21:21 PM  
Sleep with your finger in your girlfriends vagina the whole night
2013-09-03 08:28:30 PM  
Answer a phone call from your wife.
2013-09-03 08:32:38 PM  
Surprise buttsex
2013-09-03 08:43:29 PM  
Read fortune cookies.
2013-09-03 08:58:27 PM  

WelldeadLink: Read fortune cookies.

2013-09-03 09:16:52 PM  
Well, do you mean in bed or ::wink wink nudge nudge:: "In bed?"  Big difference here.  Hell, to be honest, the non-fun in bed thing, I can honestly say there's not much I haven't done when being a lazy bastard who doesn't want to get out of bed (having lived in a single dorm room in college about the size of a glorified closet, not much room to do much else).

But the funny thing is? The more sleep issues I develop as I want people on my lawn less, the more I realize doing shiat in bed isn't a good idea.  Just farks your sleep rhythms up....
2013-09-03 09:19:15 PM  
Spontaneously combust.
2013-09-03 09:40:41 PM  
Greenlight TFD threads.
2013-09-03 09:41:31 PM  
people say you shouldn't cry, but i have had great luck with that move.
2013-09-03 09:41:35 PM  
Fire a shot at a sound coming from the other side of the bed.
2013-09-03 09:41:58 PM  
Have your partner call someone and sing "You've got a friend in me"

(stolen from Phirm)
2013-09-03 09:42:49 PM  
2013-09-03 09:43:29 PM  
2013-09-03 09:43:39 PM  
Say that your 10 year old is going to destroy the video tab and not deliver.
2013-09-03 09:44:40 PM  
The dog.
2013-09-03 09:44:52 PM  

/ that's what SHE said!
2013-09-03 09:44:58 PM  
Don't say doing your wife, don't say doing your wife, don't say doing your wife...

Doing your... son?
2013-09-03 09:45:29 PM  
Invite monkeys to jump in.
2013-09-03 09:45:53 PM  
I'd say "have sex with my wife",
But she puts out at least once every couple months.
So instead I'm gonna go with "go to sleep at an early hour because I'm not sexually frustrated to the point where I just can't handle the rejection and usually just watch TV and cry until 3am".
2013-09-03 09:45:55 PM  
fark. Why do we fark in beds, other than the convenience and laziness that entails?
2013-09-03 09:45:55 PM  
Eat tortilla chips
2013-09-03 09:46:06 PM  
Have a bonfire.
2013-09-03 09:46:44 PM  
Pee. Don't pee in bed. Unless you're being attacked by a bear.
2013-09-03 09:46:45 PM  
Don't say "Thanks for cleaning that for me". Stops everything pretty quick.

Lesson learned.
2013-09-03 09:47:03 PM  
Touch your boyfriend/husband with those cold ass feet, ladies
2013-09-03 09:47:11 PM  
"Wow, you're so good, people should pay you to do this!"

/actually said it in bed.
//Got the proper response, which was laughter.
2013-09-03 09:47:27 PM  
Roast nuts
2013-09-03 09:47:32 PM  
The Macarena.
2013-09-03 09:47:50 PM  
Don't ask me how I know.
/thought it would be romantic.
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