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(Fark)   Let's play, "Whose Fark is it Anyways" The game where the participants are silly and the power rankings mean nothing. Today's topic: Things not to say on a first date   ( fark.com) divider line
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3573 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Aug 2013 at 4:47 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2013-08-29 05:42:51 PM  
I believe in equality, so how about you pick up the tab?
2013-08-29 05:43:42 PM  

From A Serbian friend of mine back in the 90's:

"I used to think you looked good, now that I see you in those shorts, I think 'Not so Much'."

The next day he came up to me at work and say "What it mean when girl says you 'Shallow'?"

LOL, I had to ask him if she was talking about a body of water or him, then he told me that he was trying to be nice when he told her the above bit...
2013-08-29 05:43:49 PM  
Do you like movies about gladiators?
2013-08-29 05:45:22 PM  
We'll have such cute kids!
2013-08-29 05:46:00 PM  
I have Daddy issues.  Will you spank me?
2013-08-29 05:46:35 PM  
"I'm George Zimmerman, nice to meet you"
2013-08-29 05:46:40 PM  
Do you know what a blumpkin is?
2013-08-29 05:47:01 PM  
If you're not sure, get some help from friends or colleagues

i39.tinypic.comView Full Size
2013-08-29 05:47:27 PM  
"Tits of GTFO."
2013-08-29 05:49:22 PM  
"Pick a number between 1 and 10."
"Ummmm, seven?"
"Oh my God, that is exactly how many times I am going to stab you!"
2013-08-29 05:49:37 PM  
A quite funny book about academic with Aspergers trying to find a wife

2013-08-29 05:50:24 PM  
If any police ask, the donkey was the one who wanted it.
2013-08-29 05:50:33 PM  

jadeblue: "I'd like to talk about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ."

Actually happened to me.

/She was pretty
//Ran so fast
2013-08-29 05:50:47 PM  
So, let's see... about me... my exes were all real harpies.  I wouldn't say it made me hate women, but I need to know up front you aren't going to by a b**** and complain to the police just because I'm cooking in the trailer.  I ain't rich enough to have a RV like those guys on TV.  It's all part of the package.  Look, I'm not some sort of loser.  I pulled down 5 figures 3 of the last 6 years and when this workers comp thing comes through I'm buying an '83 Trans Am my neighbor is selling.  Imagine seeing that sitting out in front of the trailer?  Wooey, that will look sweet.  It will be like an extra bedroom, so we'll be able to screw even when Momma has her men over.  I don't begrudge her that.  She's 58 and she didn't put much money away for retirement, so she's got to work while the men will still pay.  That's why I got her the breast lift last year.


What, hooker?  No...

No.  My Momma's not a hooker.  She's a stripper.  aaaa... that reminds me of a story, but that's not really a dinner time story, well, okay, you see this one time, before she lost the weight, my and my cousin put up a pole in her bedroom.  She said she could make more money that way, anyway, my cousin, well he was always a practical joker.  He put the vaseline on there.  Man, that cat never so it coming.  You just hear this meooooooooo... splat.  Waiter, yeah, yeah, I forgot to mention, can we spit the check now, or do we have to do it up at the register?

She ain't never let anyone touch her except my dear departed dad, unless it was a threesome.  (Shudder)  I boy shouldn't have to watch that.  I mean, I know he was a porn star, but seeing that just reminded me that he wasn't my real dad, that I could never measure up.

Say, how about you?  I hear you graduated high school.  Don't think that makes you better than me.

Sure... yeah, I should hit the head too.  No sneaking out the back window.  No seriously.  I'm not losing another one that way.  Momma's out back in the pickup with a shotgun and a box of bonbons.  You don't want to cross her when her sugar is up, and she want's some grandkids, ASAP.  Don't bother with the cellphone either.  She's got a jammer she got from Mexico.

Now, names, I'm negotiable.  As long as one gets named Billy Ray and one gets named Miley, you can name the rest.

Wow.  This is a great night.  Imagine, I come all this way to meet my half-sister I never met, and instead... or should I say, in addition... I meet future wife number 6!  Can't get to lucky 7 without going through 6 first!  Say, what's your social security number anyway?
2013-08-29 05:51:14 PM  

slayer199: Do you spit or swallow?

How's your gag reflex?
2013-08-29 05:51:14 PM  
Those stories you've heard about me? Well, none of them are true.
2013-08-29 05:51:15 PM  
2013-08-29 05:51:18 PM  
"Hey, wanna see how close I can steer this cruise ship to that coastline?"
2013-08-29 05:54:44 PM  
"Hey Roring, jag har en tums penis."
2013-08-29 05:55:58 PM  
Who's your favorite Power Ranger?
2013-08-29 05:56:56 PM  
"One part of me wants to be real nice and sweet, and the other part wonders what your head would look like on a stick."
2013-08-29 05:57:57 PM  
I'm not sure why, but I keep getting women pregnant.
2013-08-29 05:58:00 PM  
Damn you don't look as good as my ex and she is two tables over from us.
2013-08-29 05:58:47 PM  
I just got circumcision reversal surgery. Check it out!
2013-08-29 06:00:23 PM  
I'm Batman!
2013-08-29 06:02:45 PM  
Does this rag smell like chloroform?
2013-08-29 06:03:28 PM  
Keep the change
2013-08-29 06:03:53 PM  
2013-08-29 06:03:57 PM  
You smell like my mom.
2013-08-29 06:04:16 PM  
My favorite thing about a woman is the back of her head.
2013-08-29 06:04:53 PM  
I hope your not into restraining orders like all those other chicks I've dated...

My parole officer and psychiatrist told me that I could start dating again as long as I stayed in my meds,

The voices in my head told me to ask you to dance (especially effective when there is no music playing)
2013-08-29 06:05:14 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: "Hi, my name is Moderator."

And you just killed all the fun I was having in this thread. That's gotta be the worst, most despicable thing anyone could say in any circumstance.
2013-08-29 06:05:26 PM  
Does this smell like chloroform?
2013-08-29 06:05:49 PM  
Mom, I've been looking forward to this since I was three.
2013-08-29 06:06:18 PM  
Let's just get this out of the way... we both know the female orgasm is a myth.
Didn't I see you at Herpes Afflicted Anonymous?
2013-08-29 06:06:22 PM  

I had a roommate come home from a first date. He said she was totally normal while they were at a movie and went back to her place. She apparently liked beta fish. She STAPLED the dead ones around her bed. He said it created an arch around her bed like a headboard.

She also liked anime. A lot.

He still slept with her. Because sex.

2013-08-29 06:06:45 PM  
You scream and I'll kill you.
2013-08-29 06:10:18 PM  
"You need to go to the bathroom? No no! Don't get up, I'll get under the table and take care of that for you."

/why do I even brain these things?
2013-08-29 06:11:12 PM  
Holy shiat, sponsored! Thanks!
2013-08-29 06:12:55 PM  
You be Miley and I'll be the foam finger.
2013-08-29 06:13:11 PM  
i157.photobucket.comView Full Size

Dayum, look at 'em titties!
2013-08-29 06:13:34 PM  
I have gas. Is it ok if I let a few fly?
2013-08-29 06:15:40 PM  
Don't worry, I know the guy in back. You'll get your fries for free.
2013-08-29 06:16:05 PM  
You are making my butt water.
2013-08-29 06:17:42 PM  
so how do you see this date ending?  I only ask because if you're expecting any 'action' I need to get a couple of these pills down like right now or you're not gonna have anything but a puppet show later.
2013-08-29 06:19:24 PM  
My wife is dead but the funeral isn't until tomorrow.
2013-08-29 06:19:42 PM  
Can you teach my daughter to kiss like that?
2013-08-29 06:20:24 PM  
What's your favorite color of condom?
2013-08-29 06:22:20 PM  
" You know, when we get married my parents will buy us a house."

" I don't do anal, but I will with you 'cause I'm not sure I want kids with you"

" Look, my friend set this up. What say I just blow you and we can tell her that the chemistry just wasn't there"

" I'm HIV positive, so don't try to go down on me"

/and people wanted to know why I was single for so long.
2013-08-29 06:22:22 PM  
I told my friend I was totally going to surf the brown curl with my long board...
Herpies? naw babe, thats just speed bumps ... of love....
Wanna Slay my jabberwoky?
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