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(Time)   One in five funeral homes is violating Federal law and is probably scamming you. Well, unless you're dead; at that point it doesn't matter   ( business.time.com) divider line
47
    More: PSA, federal law, McAllen  
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5581 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Jul 2013 at 12:09 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



47 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
cowgirl toffee [recently expired TotalFark]
2013-07-26 12:12:21 PM  
I'm positive my family would just take the money I put aside for my funeral and toss me in a ditch.

At least they cut out the middle man. :/
 
fat boy
2013-07-26 12:13:15 PM  
Corruption, in my funeral home?
 
ukexpat
2013-07-26 12:16:12 PM  

cowgirl toffee: I'm positive my family would just take the money I put aside for my funeral and toss me in a ditch.

At least they cut out the middle man. :/


Good enough for me, or the compost heap to put all that organic material to good use.
 
sboyle1020
2013-07-26 12:16:42 PM  
Every family should just go in on one casket to be used for the viewing, and then just be cremated.  Rinse and repeat...
 
Uzzah
2013-07-26 12:21:31 PM  
Here's my chance for a plug:

Google your state and "anatomical gift association." There are all kinds of neat things you can do with your body after you're gone:

• Give it to medical schools so students can learn how we work
• Give it to your state crime lab, so they can chuck it out in a field and watch it decompose, improving their ability to figure out times of death in homicide cases.
• You can be used in tests of new surgical techniques.
• You might get really lucky and have your skeleton reassembled and hung up in a classroom somewhere.
• If you're really lucky, you might even get purchased by an artist, plastinated, and go on tour in one of those "Body Worlds" exhibits. (It helps if you're a Chinese prisoner, though.)

That's cool stuff, and it beats just rotting away in the ground or being turned into cat littler.
 
TryptophanX86
2013-07-26 12:21:32 PM  

sboyle1020: Every family should just go in on one casket to be used for the viewing, and then just be cremated.  Rinse and repeat...


Why even bother with a viewing? Seeing a dead person in a casket is creepy! Just cremate and cry over the ashes. Also, do everyone a favor and spread the ashes. Don't leave them sitting on the mantle or on a shelf somewhere to be knocked over/spilled...
 
Pop and Miracle Whip
2013-07-26 12:21:57 PM  
 Just 'cause we're bereaved, doesn't make up saps!

/is there a Ralph's around here?
 
scandalrag
2013-07-26 12:22:47 PM  
So you're saying I shouldn't have got the undercoating or the extended maintenance plan?
 
OldManDownDRoad
2013-07-26 12:24:37 PM  
lhup.eduView Full Size


I warned you . . .
 
abhorrent1 [TotalFark] [BareFark]
2013-07-26 12:25:33 PM  
I only go to funeral homes to hit on hot, grieving, vulnerable chicks.
 
Enigmamf
2013-07-26 12:26:14 PM  
Just another example of big government interfering with a small business owner's right to make a profit.
 
ringersol
2013-07-26 12:26:49 PM  
Even a viewing is pretty weird and creepy.
No-one's coming to terms with a death that means anything to them in 20 seconds in front of a casket or even a few hours in the same room as a corpse.

So unless you're gonna weekend-at-bernie's them on a pub crawl, just get the cremation over with and hold the party at someone's house.

/ fark funeral homes
 
OldManDownDRoad
2013-07-26 12:27:32 PM  

abhorrent1: I only go to funeral homes to hit on hot, grieving, vulnerable chicks.


encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.comView Full Size
 
Big Ramifications
2013-07-26 12:27:32 PM  
I thought it was gonna be about pre paid funerals.

Jesus Christ, how many of those funds are currently running at Ponzi-like levels? Even if you set out with the best intentions.... the $$$ held in trust has gotta be just too damn tempting.

i41.tinypic.comView Full Size
 
DontMakeMeComeBackThere
2013-07-26 12:30:32 PM  
When my mother passed away (after a long struggle with Alzheimer's) I met with a funeral home to arrange her cremation (she was to be placed with my father in a Vet's cemetery).  The guy was nice, but certainly pushed buying unnecessary stuff (like a fancy casket - just to burn it, really?).  After a few minutes  of this I just turned to him and said "Look, I just lost my mother, who I lost mentally a long time ago, I currently have the flu so I'm about to simultaneously throw up on, and pass out in, your office.  Believe me when I say that I'm in no mood whatsoever to fark around with you trying to meet your monthly sales quota.  Cardboard box, Vet's cemetery, and we're done here."  The arrangements only took about 5 minutes after that.

It takes a special kind of sociopath to up-sell funeral arrangements.
 
BitwiseShift
2013-07-26 12:31:15 PM  
This governor hired this muscle guy to get rid of the honest Texas Funeral Commission director. Guess what happened to the level of corruption.

Hair style idol later directed FEMA.

4.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size
upload.wikimedia.orgView Full Size
 
Shirley Ujest
2013-07-26 12:32:35 PM  

Uzzah: Here's my chance for a plug:

Google your state and "anatomical gift association." There are all kinds of neat things you can do with your body after you're gone:

• Give it to medical schools so students can learn how we work
• Give it to your state crime lab, so they can chuck it out in a field and watch it decompose, improving their ability to figure out times of death in homicide cases.
• You can be used in tests of new surgical techniques.
• You might get really lucky and have your skeleton reassembled and hung up in a classroom somewhere.
• If you're really lucky, you might even get purchased by an artist, plastinated, and go on tour in one of those "Body Worlds" exhibits. (It helps if you're a Chinese prisoner, though.)

That's cool stuff, and it beats just rotting away in the ground or being turned into cat littler.


Thank you for promoting this.
 
riverwalk barfly
2013-07-26 12:35:25 PM  

Shirley Ujest: Uzzah: Here's my chance for a plug:

Google your state and "anatomical gift association." There are all kinds of neat things you can do with your body after you're gone:

• Give it to medical schools so students can learn how we work
• Give it to your state crime lab, so they can chuck it out in a field and watch it decompose, improving their ability to figure out times of death in homicide cases.
• You can be used in tests of new surgical techniques.
• You might get really lucky and have your skeleton reassembled and hung up in a classroom somewhere.
• If you're really lucky, you might even get purchased by an artist, plastinated, and go on tour in one of those "Body Worlds" exhibits. (It helps if you're a Chinese prisoner, though.)

That's cool stuff, and it beats just rotting away in the ground or being turned into cat littler.

Thank you for promoting this.


Same here - I like this idea.
 
hardinparamedic
2013-07-26 12:38:03 PM  

Uzzah: Here's my chance for a plug:

Google your state and "anatomical gift association." There are all kinds of neat things you can do with your body after you're gone:

• Give it to medical schools so students can learn how we work
• Give it to your state crime lab, so they can chuck it out in a field and watch it decompose, improving their ability to figure out times of death in homicide cases.
• You can be used in tests of new surgical techniques.
• You might get really lucky and have your skeleton reassembled and hung up in a classroom somewhere.
• If you're really lucky, you might even get purchased by an artist, plastinated, and go on tour in one of those "Body Worlds" exhibits. (It helps if you're a Chinese prisoner, though.)

That's cool stuff, and it beats just rotting away in the ground or being turned into cat littler.


THIS.
 
Mister Buttons
2013-07-26 12:39:22 PM  

abhorrent1: I only go to funeral homes to hit on hot, grieving, vulnerable chicks.


i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
OldManDownDRoad
2013-07-26 12:39:37 PM  

ringersol: Even a viewing is pretty weird and creepy.
No-one's coming to terms with a death that means anything to them in 20 seconds in front of a casket or even a few hours in the same room as a corpse.

So unless you're gonna weekend-at-bernie's them on a pub crawl, just get the cremation over with and hold the party at someone's house.

/ fark funeral homes


I'm old enough to have participated in a "settin' up with the dead" which was an old Southern custom. In the old days people would sit with a corpse for a 24-hr period to be sure they were not in what we now know as a deep coma. I thought this was going to be mega creepy until the womenfolk went to bed leaving the men in the parlor with the stiff. Within five minutes the whiskey and the poker cards appeared, and we had a pretty good all-nighter. During that period I had my first sip of liquor, heard my Dad tell a couple good dirty jokes, witnessed my Granddad accuse the dead man of still owing him $100, and generally had an introduction to a man's world.

But, yeah, fark funeral homes. Here in NC the funeral industry has passed so many regulations that the cost of a cremation is now almost the same as a damned funeral. When my brother died in '99, the cost was $500. When my Dad passed away in 2009, that cost had risen to $1,500 plus we had to haul the body to Raleigh since they had forced the closure of many of the small-town crematoriums. And, of course, there's now a regulation to haul bodies so we had to pay an ambulance service for the ride - another $300.

I left strict instructions for the cheapest cremation possible, plus toss my ashes in the ocean. I also left cash for a couple kegs and a couple cases of liquor. I want people to have a good time at my service, no weeping and wailing.
 
Lando Lincoln [TotalFark] [BareFark]
2013-07-26 12:40:50 PM  

Uzzah: • Give it to medical schools so students can learn how we work


I don't want to end up in a pile of dead bodies with an F scrawled on my tit.
 
Boo_Guy [TotalFark]
2013-07-26 12:42:35 PM  
The real scam is everyone making money off the organs of the dead except for the deads family.
 
miniflea
2013-07-26 12:45:56 PM  

ringersol: Even a viewing is pretty weird and creepy.
No-one's coming to terms with a death that means anything to them in 20 seconds in front of a casket or even a few hours in the same room as a corpse.

So unless you're gonna weekend-at-bernie's them on a pub crawl, just get the cremation over with and hold the party at someone's house.

/ fark funeral homes


Ok, I'll bite. My mother was killed in a car accident when I was 17. There was an open casket and I forced myself to look, half to convince myself it was real and half because I knew I would regret not doing so when I had the chance.
 
Cyno01
2013-07-26 12:47:21 PM  

Uzzah: Here's my chance for a plug:

Google your state and "anatomical gift association." There are all kinds of neat things you can do with your body after you're gone:

• Give it to medical schools so students can learn how we work
• Give it to your state crime lab, so they can chuck it out in a field and watch it decompose, improving their ability to figure out times of death in homicide cases.
• You can be used in tests of new surgical techniques.
• You might get really lucky and have your skeleton reassembled and hung up in a classroom somewhere.
• If you're really lucky, you might even get purchased by an artist, plastinated, and go on tour in one of those "Body Worlds" exhibits. (It helps if you're a Chinese prisoner, though.)

That's cool stuff, and it beats just rotting away in the ground or being turned into cat littler.


Can i donate my body to physics not biology? Specifically catapults and/or  trebuchets?
 
Mister Buttons
2013-07-26 12:47:23 PM  

Boo_Guy: The real scam is everyone making money off the organs of the dead except for the deads family.


Would you propose a flat fee per organ or shall we auction them off to those who can afford it (rich farks)?

/currently devaluing my liver atm.
 
Bung_Howdy
2013-07-26 12:49:56 PM  
I find it more interesting that they find it necessary to discuss Taco Bell in the middle of the article-

TFA: "In 2012, 23 of the 127 funeral homes, or about 18%, that the FTC visited undercover "significantly violated" the federal agency's Funeral Rule, a 1984 law that requires funeral homes to give consumers itemized price lists, prohibits them from requiring the purchase of certain items like caskets as a condition to get other products and services, and bars aggressive selling of services not required by law, like embalming."

(MORE: The Real Reason Taco Bell Killed Kids Meals)

WTF?
 
Boo_Guy [TotalFark]
2013-07-26 12:51:20 PM  
A flat fee works for me,  auctioning them would just introduce another person taking a cut.
 
RembrandtQEinstein
2013-07-26 12:51:50 PM  
hotlinked

img.myconfinedspace.comView Full Size
 
Revek
2013-07-26 12:52:15 PM  

Big Ramifications: I thought it was gonna be about pre paid funerals.

Jesus Christ, how many of those funds are currently running at Ponzi-like levels? Even if you set out with the best intentions.... the $$$ held in trust has gotta be just too damn tempting.

[i41.tinypic.com image 330x734]


You made me smile. You get one free internet.
 
boyvoyeur
2013-07-26 01:32:34 PM  
Wow, what a through investigation. A whole 175 homes checked.

I've been to Scranton, PA. There is either a funeral home or Elks lodge on every corner.
 
MythDragon [TotalFark]
2013-07-26 01:56:31 PM  

cowgirl toffee: I'm positive my family would just take the money I put aside for my funeral and toss me in a ditch.

At least they cut out the middle man. :/



I feel I needed to help you out on this one.
i1134.photobucket.comView Full Size
 
MythDragon [TotalFark]
2013-07-26 02:13:03 PM  

Cyno01: Uzzah: Here's my chance for a plug:

Google your state and "anatomical gift association." There are all kinds of neat things you can do with your body after you're gone:

• Give it to medical schools so students can learn how we work
• Give it to your state crime lab, so they can chuck it out in a field and watch it decompose, improving their ability to figure out times of death in homicide cases.
• You can be used in tests of new surgical techniques.
• You might get really lucky and have your skeleton reassembled and hung up in a classroom somewhere.
• If you're really lucky, you might even get purchased by an artist, plastinated, and go on tour in one of those "Body Worlds" exhibits. (It helps if you're a Chinese prisoner, though.)

That's cool stuff, and it beats just rotting away in the ground or being turned into cat littler.

Can i donate my body to physics not biology? Specifically catapults and/or  trebuchets?


I want them to take my body up to the outer limits of the atmosphere and dropped. Have NASA plot about where I'll land, and set up a grid in that area. Who ever has the number that matches where most of my body ends up wins all my shiat.
 
QueenMamaBee
2013-07-26 02:18:26 PM  

Uzzah: Here's my chance for a plug:

Google your state and "anatomical gift association." There are all kinds of neat things you can do with your body after you're gone:

• Give it to medical schools so students can learn how we work
• Give it to your state crime lab, so they can chuck it out in a field and watch it decompose, improving their ability to figure out times of death in homicide cases.
• You can be used in tests of new surgical techniques.
• You might get really lucky and have your skeleton reassembled and hung up in a classroom somewhere.
• If you're really lucky, you might even get purchased by an artist, plastinated, and go on tour in one of those "Body Worlds" exhibits. (It helps if you're a Chinese prisoner, though.)

That's cool stuff, and it beats just rotting away in the ground or being turned into cat littler.


I'd be all for it, except maybe that last one. For some reason that kinda creeps me out.

One of the local funeral homes here (Kentucky) tried to take advantage of my mom's cousin when her husband passed away unexpectedly. They said she HAD to pay them $9K THAT DAY for the headstone (when there are several monument companies in town, she didn't have to purchase from the funeral home), something like $5K (maybe more) just to open the grave. Thankfully Mom had dealt with other funeral homes when her parents and uncle had passed away and knew that wasn't true and knew to be firm with them.

Really, fark that funeral home. I don't particularly care what's done with me after I die (except no art display and don't stick me in a farking drawer like those "Folks On File" Mausoleums), but under no circumstances is my family to give that funeral home one penny on my behalf.
 
QueenMamaBee
2013-07-26 02:20:00 PM  

MythDragon: Cyno01: Uzzah: Here's my chance for a plug:

Google your state and "anatomical gift association." There are all kinds of neat things you can do with your body after you're gone:

• Give it to medical schools so students can learn how we work
• Give it to your state crime lab, so they can chuck it out in a field and watch it decompose, improving their ability to figure out times of death in homicide cases.
• You can be used in tests of new surgical techniques.
• You might get really lucky and have your skeleton reassembled and hung up in a classroom somewhere.
• If you're really lucky, you might even get purchased by an artist, plastinated, and go on tour in one of those "Body Worlds" exhibits. (It helps if you're a Chinese prisoner, though.)

That's cool stuff, and it beats just rotting away in the ground or being turned into cat littler.

Can i donate my body to physics not biology? Specifically catapults and/or  trebuchets?

I want them to take my body up to the outer limits of the atmosphere and dropped. Have NASA plot about where I'll land, and set up a grid in that area. Who ever has the number that matches where most of my body ends up wins all my shiat.


I would like to purchase a square, good sir.
 
Lord Apathy
2013-07-26 02:41:52 PM  

cowgirl toffee: I'm positive my family would just take the money I put aside for my funeral and toss me in a ditch.

At least they cut out the middle man. :/


works for me.  I told my daughter to dispose of my remains cheaply as possible and use the money to take a nice vacation with.  Like I'm going to care anyway where my caucus is rotting.
 
Lord Apathy
2013-07-26 02:43:50 PM  
TryptophanX86:
Why even bother with a viewing? Seeing a dead person in a casket is creepy! Just cremate and cry over the ashes. Also, do everyone a favor and spread the ashes. Don't leave them sitting on the mantle or on a shelf somewhere to be knocked over/spilled...

I want to be cremated and have my ashes spread of a large pot field.  So everyone can get together and have one last toke on me.  Or you can use them to line the cat box with...
 
Clemkadidlefark [BareFark]
2013-07-26 04:25:42 PM  
Iowahawk - Turn Detroit into a national park, to show our kids the wonders of "Government Help."
 
Bung_Howdy
2013-07-26 05:46:23 PM  
fwooshflix.comView Full Size
 
Mock26
2013-07-26 05:55:01 PM  
I told my family that I wanted to be cremated and my remains secretly spread over a newly planted wheat field.
 
specialkae
2013-07-26 06:54:14 PM  
count me in on the whole creeped out with rotting in the ground concept.  I may or may not be re-born, whatever, karma.  However, I am bothered by the grave site/urn thing.  Please just burn me to a crispie critter and toss my ashes anywhere you please.  I dislike the thought of the afterlife being nibbled on by worms, centipedes, etc.
 
specialkae
2013-07-26 07:02:53 PM  
How many Farkers have lost/buried parents?  I have 2, unfortunately, and with my Mom they were especially aggressive on having the presentation, the ceremony, flowers, minster of your choosing, seating.  It was as bad as a wedding, except worse.  I spent and my mom spent all of her money trying to stay alive and then the extortionists at Olinger (Denver, CO) tried to get more.  Even with cremation, they wanted to charge over 1200.00 for a black plastic bag filled with her ashes, no urn.  Thankfully her mom, my grandmother intervened and got the burial done.  I disagreed with the burial, but they were insistent and went ahead, some kind of Chiristian thing where the dead rise again at the Day of Judgement. And no, I do not speak to anyone in my family anymore.  I felt and still believe it obscene to be put into the ground to rot.  It's just icky and a terrible waste of space.
 
Revek
2013-07-26 09:55:48 PM  

specialkae: How many Farkers have lost/buried parents?  I have 2, unfortunately, and with my Mom they were especially aggressive on having the presentation, the ceremony, flowers, minster of your choosing, seating.  It was as bad as a wedding, except worse.  I spent and my mom spent all of her money trying to stay alive and then the extortionists at Olinger (Denver, CO) tried to get more.  Even with cremation, they wanted to charge over 1200.00 for a black plastic bag filled with her ashes, no urn.  Thankfully her mom, my grandmother intervened and got the burial done.  I disagreed with the burial, but they were insistent and went ahead, some kind of Chiristian thing where the dead rise again at the Day of Judgement. And no, I do not speak to anyone in my family anymore.  I felt and still believe it obscene to be put into the ground to rot.  It's just icky and a terrible waste of space.


We are meant to rot.  Its all so uncomfortably true but a scant few years ago there was no embalming.  We were meant to return to the earth.  Its only the current corrupt christian view that these things are normal.  Christians have short memories about only the things that are true.
 
cowgirl toffee [recently expired TotalFark]
2013-07-27 01:50:02 PM  

MythDragon: cowgirl toffee: I'm positive my family would just take the money I put aside for my funeral and toss me in a ditch.

At least they cut out the middle man. :/


I feel I needed to help you out on this one.
[i1134.photobucket.com image 850x666]


:D

At least I died with my boots on. Also, why did they take my tits and staple a bull's scrotum to my chest?
:P
 
cowgirl toffee [recently expired TotalFark]
2013-07-27 01:51:33 PM  

MythDragon: cowgirl toffee: I'm positive my family would just take the money I put aside for my funeral and toss me in a ditch.

At least they cut out the middle man. :/


I feel I needed to help you out on this one.
[i1134.photobucket.com image 850x666]


That was good. I'm still wiping the tears off of my face. :)
 
MythDragon [TotalFark]
2013-07-27 06:47:57 PM  

cowgirl toffee: MythDragon: cowgirl toffee: I'm positive my family would just take the money I put aside for my funeral and toss me in a ditch.

At least they cut out the middle man. :/


I feel I needed to help you out on this one.
[i1134.photobucket.com image 850x666]

:D

At least I died with my boots on. Also, why did they take my tits and staple a bull's scrotum to my chest?
:P


Well, I figured the boots matched your fark handle. As for the boobs, I only had my imagination to work with. Send me a picture of your actual boobs, and I promise Ill get them better next time
 
ginkor
2013-07-27 08:17:14 PM  
 
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