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(Metro)   To pun, or not to pun, that is the pun. By the way, this post is about puns   ( metro.co.uk) divider line
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4557 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Jun 2013 at 9:26 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-06-23 10:30:35 AM  
6 votes:
When I was in college, I had a roommate who was very philosophically inclined. He majored in philosophy, he was forever reading hefty tomes by Kant and Neitzche, and he could be solidly relied upon to drag moral dialectics into any conversation.

I always thought he was kind of uptight, and needed to get laid, so some friends and I dragged him to this huge block party that was swimming with DTF sorority girls. He hung around for about an hour, but he looked miserable. A couple of fine girls were trying to chat him up, but he just wasn't into it. Finally, after about two hours, I caught him sitting by himself in a corner, completely ignoring the two hot drunk chicks making out beside him, and reading a copy of Meditations on First Philosophy.

And then I realized: he was putting Descartes before the whores.
2013-06-23 09:37:31 AM  
5 votes:
I did a theatrical performance on puns.

Really, it was just a play on words.
2013-06-23 10:48:17 AM  
4 votes:

Thudfark: Deathfrogg: Thudfark: Undead sauciers roux from beyond the gravy



Sautétion needed
2013-06-23 10:40:41 AM  
4 votes:
The Norwegian robot analyzed a bird; it Scandinavian.
2013-06-23 10:44:36 AM  
3 votes:

Deathfrogg: Thudfark: Undead sauciers roux from beyond the gravy


2013-06-23 10:40:40 AM  
3 votes:
There was an old English village that had trouble with a pair of monks that owned a florist shop. They cheated and abused everyone else in the village and the sheriff wasn't able to stop them. The village elders got together and decided to hire Hugh the Giant and see if he could do something. Within hours, Hugh scared the monks so bad that they left town forever. Remember folks, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
2013-06-23 10:58:45 AM  
2 votes:
I've told several times here of the old voodoo spell you can use to heal sick dolphins and make them invulnerable to harm: put three fledgling seagulls in a basket, jump three times over a lion that's been drugged into insensitivity, but not unconsciousness, and feed the sick dolphin one seagull at midnight on the first day of the next three full moons. If it survives through the time it takes to administer the treatment, it'll live forever.

Be careful if you do this in the states, though, or you'll get arrested for violating the Mann Act: transporting young gulls across a staid lion for immortal porpoises.
2013-06-23 10:49:24 AM  
2 votes:
A man takes his duck to the vet. The vet examines the bird and pronounces it dead.
"I want a second opinion," the man says. So the vet goes out and brings in a Labrador. The dog sniffs the duck and shakes its head sadly.
"I'm still not convinced," the man says. So the vet goes out again and this time brings in a cat. The cat also sniffs the duck and shakes its head.
The man sighs. "Okay, I'll accept your diagnosis. What's the bill for this?"
"$510," the vet replies.
"$510?!" the man exclaims. "Just to tell me my duck is dead?!"
"It would only have been $10 if you'd just listened to me to start with," the vet tells him. "Now, though, it's $250 for the Lab report and another $250 for the cat scan."
2013-06-23 10:35:52 AM  
2 votes:
Back in the mid 1800's there were so many people wanting to go on the wagon trains to Oregon and California that they had to set space limits. You were allowed on the wagons if you took up less than 24" of space on the seat. This just goes to show that there is no west for the reary.
2013-06-23 10:34:35 AM  
2 votes:
img153.imageshack.usView Full Size
2013-06-23 10:20:29 AM  
2 votes:
There once was a king who insisted on having his castle filled with all the animals of the forest. His accumulation of subjects grew over the years and upon a census came an amount of over 5,000 animals living amongst the grounds. As time passed, the townspeople grew weary of the continual stench coming from the area of the castle. A crusade was formed and a tyranny formed to over throw the king and his 'zoo' of animals. After a long fought battle, the king was finally removed from the throne and it goes to say....it was the first time ever that the reign was canceled due to the game.
2013-06-23 10:11:47 AM  
2 votes:
My wife and I were in a kayak in Monterey Bay.  We had pulled up next to the volunteer guard who was telling us about the various birds that had shown up that morning.  We noticed another couple paddling rather frantically in our direction.  These folks seemed very excited and crashed into our boats.

The woman in the craft exclaims, "Oh my God!  There is a dead sea lion over there!" as she points toward the shore.

The guard fellow calmy replies, "I doubt it is dead.  It is probably just sleeping.  Did you poke it with your oar?"

The woman says, "No, we didn't poke it!  But do sea lions sleep like that?  It looked like it is dead!"

I looked out across the bay and the fog, the waves sofly rolling, the gulls.  Smelling the salt air.  I looked at the frantic woman and said, "Ma'am, haven't you ever heard of a Sealy Posturepedic?"

Later we paddled away from this unlikely situation in the middle of Monterey Bay and I thought to myself, "Gees, I could live a hundred more years, and never have the opportunity to use that pun again."
2013-06-23 09:32:08 AM  
2 votes:
Were it not for satire, sarcasm and mockery, I'd have no sense of humor.  Oh, and puns.  Puns, too.
2013-06-23 01:11:08 PM  
1 vote:
I guess I was drunk and not paying attention. I was counting the slits between the boards while walking out on the Santa Monica pier. I fell right off the end and into the ocean. I should have known that"when your out of slits, your out of pier".
2013-06-23 12:35:59 PM  
1 vote:
My penis is 12 inches long, but I don't use it as a rule.
2013-06-23 12:16:48 PM  
1 vote:
img.fark.netView Full Size
2013-06-23 10:43:53 AM  
1 vote:

Thudfark: Undead sauciers roux from beyond the gravy

2013-06-23 10:32:44 AM  
1 vote:


2013-06-23 10:30:08 AM  
1 vote:

LewDux: gottagopee: I do love a good play on words, but my poor husband cannot stand the punishment.

He must be pun at farties

I should be punish`ed
For every pun I shed
Do not leave a puny shred
Of my punnish head
2013-06-23 10:26:07 AM  
1 vote:
There's this frustrated cannibal, see, and he threw up his hands...
2013-06-23 10:01:35 AM  
1 vote:
You clowns should take off your clothes.

I do love a comic strip!
2013-06-23 09:55:13 AM  
1 vote:
2013-06-23 09:54:36 AM  
1 vote:

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