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(Toronto Star)   "I'm not sure if it's the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding people give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate and got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return"   ( thestar.com) divider line
    More: Asinine, Sour Patch Kids, Miss Manners, Community Code of Conduct, The Spectator  
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16916 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Jun 2013 at 5:15 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2013-06-20 10:19:28 AM  

serfdood: Worried about money for your future?  Here's a helpful tip; DON'T SPEND $34,000 ON YOUR FREAKIN' WEDDING!

I'm sure I'm not the first one to poiunt this out.

My brother's wedding was held at a friend's (beautiful and very large) house, and "catered" by the bride's mom personally.  They laid out some scratch on the cake, but other than that, it was done rather cheaply, and was a wonderful wedding regardless.  Bonus: they didn't put themselves in the poorhouse for the sake of impressing others, and didn't lose friends by biatching about the value of the gifts (good thing too; I was a starving student at the time and couldn't really afford a gift at all).
2013-06-20 10:19:32 AM  
Just got married. We invited a bunch of people we love to come celebrate with us. Nobody held a gun to our head and told us to spend money. Bridezilla here is freaking nuts.
2013-06-20 10:21:18 AM  

Worldwalker: If someone is a greedy Bridezilla or (what's the male equivalent?)

I'm lobbying for Groomera.
2013-06-20 10:23:04 AM  

The sound of one hand clapping: Well, at least they didn't include chocolate dicks in the gift basket.  That might have made things a whole lot worse.

If they'd been silicone, on the other hand...
2013-06-20 10:51:51 AM  
Money dances are exceptionally tacky to me and I grew up with them. That being said, my grandparents always used the money dance to slip the bride and groom (grandchildren only) a could grand in the form of a check, mainly because they didn't want to leave an envelope laying around, but also because it gave them a moment to dance with the couple, thank them for a lovely evening, and wish them all the best. They'd slip the checks into their hands and then quietly go back to their table to talk with the other non-dancing types.

As far as gifts go, the ettiquette as far as I've been told was that nothing was said about the registry on the invitations and that it was the mother of the bride and the maid of honor who were supposed to field questions about such things, giving either a list of places the couple were registered or saying something to the effect of "They're not registered anywhere since they have everything they need, but I do know they're trying to save up for [honeymoon/down payment on a house/redoing the bathroom]." I usually just give the gift of really nice photo frames. It's something that rarely makes it onto a registry because it isn't immediately seen as necessary, but they're always used in the end when the photographer sends out the prints.
2013-06-20 10:52:48 AM  
We had a small wedding and provided not only food and drink at our reception (on the beach for a destination beach wedding) but also accommodations for our family & friends (20 people).  When guests asked us about gifts, we told them simply making the journey and taking up their time was gift enough.

And you know what/  We had an awesome time!

These brides are horribly rude.  Even if you hate the gift you say thank you and send a thank-you card.  Guests do not attend weddings to furnish your future lifestyle.  Grow up and act like an adult!
2013-06-20 10:56:09 AM  

HeartBurnKid: Worldwalker: If someone is a greedy Bridezilla or (what's the male equivalent?)

I'm lobbying for Groomera.

Groom Hilda.
2013-06-20 11:31:39 AM  

tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: Drunken_Polar_Bear: Am I the only one thinking "YES!  We got Fluffy Whip and Sour Patch Kids for our wedding.  Tonight is gonna be SO kinky!"


Well you know ; )

You. I like you.

Same, now I just have one question. Have ya ever operated a backhoe?
/They are fun : )

I have. And it was awesome.

Cool just checking : )
/And I has a sad now you're marring Pincy :/

...I'm not against polygamy. Just sayin'.

I can haz harem?

/a girl can dream

Well you dream is to marry a couple : )

How you ladies doin'?   *waggles bushy eyebrows*
2013-06-20 11:38:51 AM  

gadian: Doem: Tis a shiatty gift. you cant tell me that at some point they werent putting that together and thinking "wow what a shiatty gift."

It didn't only contain gummy bears and puffy stuff, but high priced biscotti, chocolate and other things that equates to a big basket of comfort food and road trip snacks for the honeymoon.  There is something wrong or shiatty with providing a newly married couple a big basket of comfort food as a wedding gift?  How can you be against giving friends comfort?  As well as some quick kinky ideas.

Well intentioned thought went into that gift.

↑ THIS ↑

These folks came up with an intelligent, creative, thoughtful gift. It was by no means cheap. The gift was   "a wicker box with a hinged lid, filled with food items, most of them PC Black Label, including: tri-color pasta, salsas, Balsamic vinegar and Olive, Gourmet croutons, Panko Breading, Pesto, some baking ingredients, Biscuits from Godiva and a few 'Fun' items like Marshmallow Fluff, Sour Patch Kids and Butterscotch sauce."

Go ahead and shop around, see what a gift basket like that would cost. It won't be anywhere near as low as $40.

What makes it more disgusting is that the brides took out most of the nice, expensive items and staged a photo with only the cheap or silly stuff to embarrass and belittle the gift-givers.

At the very least, the wicker box is a nice gift in itself. The fact that they selected nice things to put in the box makes it a thoughtful, fun gift.

The brides are total biatches. Frankly, they seem like some of the worst people I've ever heard of. I hope nobody ever gives these ungrateful coonts a gift again; They don't seem to be able to accept them with any grace or tact, or put any value to the act of gift-giving in the first place.

If anybody wants a gift idea for this couple's next soiree, here's one:   http://www.poopsenders.com/

Seriously, what a pair of petty, greedy, nasty, horrible biatches.
2013-06-20 11:39:13 AM  

Worldwalker: If someone is a greedy Bridezilla or (what's the male equivalent?

2013-06-20 12:15:25 PM  

ZeroCorpse: These folks came up with an intelligent, creative, thoughtful gift

Per the article, <i>You opt for your go-to gift </i>.

If it's your "go-to" gift, is it really that thoughtful, if you do something like that for everyone?  Do the brides like baking?  Do they like sweet stuff like that?  Do they like fancy oils and salsas?  It sounds like the guests put in stuff they like, not what the brides like.  Anyway, I digress.

The brides were clearly insane in their reaction, and nobody should side with them, ever, but this kind of gift is definitely tacky.  I always play by the convention that if you don't know what people want, and if you don't know them that well, buy a gift card.
2013-06-20 12:40:18 PM  
if I was invited to a wedding from someone even remotely self centered...

"come to our wedding"
"How much do you want?"
"well it's $200 a plate"
"What do I get in return?"
"You get to attend the wedding"
"Why would I want to attend your wedding?, no I'd need something more, let's talk money here, I'm thinking $400 at least"
"$400 why $400?"
"Well $200 covers the wedding and the other $200 is for my time and effort attending"
2013-06-20 12:43:08 PM  
could have brought nuclear warheads and did the game where you see how many you can eat before castrating your tongue

i3.ytimg.comView Full Size
2013-06-20 01:47:56 PM  

Fish in a Barrel: I'll probably never wind up getting married (so, so alone...), but if I did I would want to specifically forbid presents.  A wedding is a celebration of joining, not a cash grab.  No one should feel compelled to ante up to join the party.

The last wedding I went to just had his and hers charities to donate too.
2013-06-20 03:59:01 PM  
I guess my wife and I did it wrong. We got eloped. We had our wedding reception a few months later when the weather was nice and did it cheap as all hell: public park, potluck, Facebook invites, dressed down, etc.  We're poor, and we don't think that's something we need to hide.The only things we splurged on were a couple kegs and a bouncey castle. We made it clear we didn't want gifts, though we still got a few.

And you know what? We were told it was the best reception a lot of the guests had ever been to. It also had more guests than any wedding I'd ever attended. Everyone had a great time, and it sufficiently celebrated our union.
2013-06-20 04:36:11 PM  

TheDumbBlonde: "Cover your plate" is concept unheard of where I come from. Some people are raised by wolves.

The only reason you don't know about it is because wolves don't use plates

Satanic_Hamster: I had a secretary up in New York. She was geologist getting her certifications / additional degree so she could teach and was working for us for six months. She wanted to have a small wedding. Her mother told her that she (the mother) had $40k saved/budgeted for the wedding and if the daughter said no, she'd never see a dime from her again. They tried to convince her to spend the money on a down payment for a house, pay off her student loan, car, anything. She wouldn't budge.

I'm sure something could be arranged with the caterer about refunds on unopened bottles. Then just order a metric farkton of alcohol (or a few very, very expensive bottles which will never be seen by the guests) and cash in on the refund.

Anyway, the way I was raised it is customary to bring a (small) gift to any party thrown (no, not to an "It is Friday party" although it is generally accepted to bring some food or drink to a bbq). It doesn't have to be much, as long as you are giving something (I bought €60 worth of cookies with some friends because the birthday boy didn't know what he wanted and mentioned "cookies" in passing). I wouldn't dream of showing up at a birthday or wedding without some sort of gift. On the other hand, I wouldn't dream of spending a €100 on a gift either. Screw that.
2013-06-20 07:10:17 PM  

teenytinycornteeth: Fine. But to say that anyone who doesn't just throw a picnic in their backyard is "exercise in selfishness and greed" and "putting on a performance" is a touch unfair. LIke I said above, I inherited a chunk of money specifically to be used for my wedding because I'd always dreamed of a big wedding. It doesn't mean that we're not happy or in love or selfish or any of those assumptions. Not spending a ton of cash doesn't automatically make your marriage or your love more sincere or "real".

If it really mattered to you, good. I'm not saying you did anything wrong, but I do feel that for many people, they spend far too much money for what they get out of it.

It's like wine. Some people really do enjoy spending more for a bottle, and some people are fine with favorited!. Do what makes you happy. However, plenty of people buy expensive wine with no ability to appreciate what differentiates it from far cheaper alternatives, which is a waste.
2013-06-20 07:38:37 PM  
It's generally expected that guests give a gift about equal to what the cost of a "plate" might be.

I actually invited a casual acquaintance to our wedding, he brought a date. Their gift to us? A box of cookies.
2013-06-20 07:47:59 PM  

HeartBurnKid: forbes01: They werent in it for the money

Considering that Laura wrote, "Weddings are to make money for your future", I think they disagree with you.

youre taking her words out of context and misconstruing them. im sure its not the wedding specifically that is to make money for the future but rather, getting married is an investment which comes with two people earning money instead of just one. and even if that was what they meant, a couple bags of sour patch kids dont exactly help to make money.
2013-06-20 08:03:16 PM  

So every guest is supposed to know how much they couple is spending on the wedding now?

If you expect people to help chip in for your wedding then you better state it explicitly on the invitation.  Otherwise, be gracious and stop biatching about the gifts you received.

Actually the cost of the wedding is irrelevant it just adds the the show that the gift was cheap. no one ever said the guests should 'chip in for the wedding' but you should respect the newlyweds enough to put some thought into the gift instead of running to Rite Aid for candy 5 minutes before you get there. I never said the bride was right for 'biatching' about the gift but get real, it was a lousy gift and the newlyweds obviously thought more of their guests. if they knew these guests were going to put zero thought into the occasion and only come for free dinner and drinks, then i doubt they would have been invited. they say its the thought that counts, but their gift had little thought if any.
2013-06-20 08:16:52 PM  

you_idiot: It's generally expected that guests give a gift about equal to what the cost of a "plate" might be.

I actually invited a casual acquaintance to our wedding, he brought a date. Their gift to us? A box of cookies.

How the fark is anyone supposed to know what their plate cost?
2013-06-20 08:17:04 PM  
they gave us $60,000 and a trip to Italy
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