costermonger: Who said anything about advance? I thought you were supposed to mentally estimate a tab throughout the evening and then add/subtract a tip based on the amount of cleavage the bride is showing.
sugarhi: FTFA: She says it cost $34,000 to host 210 guests at a local wedding hall.Holy sh*t! Horrible rudeness aside, people are absolutely insane when it comes to shelling out thousands for the spectacle that weddings have become.Like I've said for years, I'm going to the court house and then throwing a party for people to drink and gorge on food to celebrate - screw the whole wedding ridiculousness, it's absurd.
Magnanimous_J: Smelly Pirate Hooker: Magnanimous_J: Smelly Pirate Hooker: If you need money, get a goddam job. Or go on the dole. But to use a wedding as an excuse to shake down friends and family is farking rude. Full stop. No matter how nicely it's phrased in calligraphy on an invitation.But expecting each of them to buy you a present is a-ok? I don't understand the difference.Actually, asking for anything other than somebody's presence in an invitation is rude. There should be no mention whatsoever of gifts in an invitation. It's an invitation. You're supposed to be inviting people to share your special day. Not hitting them up for stuff. The gift thing is a tradition. Now, technically, guests don't have to give a gift. But most people do. As I've mentioned previously, I've given gift cards. Technically the same as money, I guess. But if somebody were to ask directly for money, I'd probably politely decline their invitation. Problem solved. I don't have to feel like I'm being asked to give money to somebody for changing their marital status and they don't have to feel put out because I didn't "cover my plate." Everybody's happy.I don't disagree with you, but given that it's a cultural expectation to bring a gift to a wedding, what is the harm in making known that you would appreciate cash instead of a physical present? I give cash every time I go to weddings. I don't feel hit up by it, I'd rather do that then have to track down some stupid wall clock that the bride picked out.
mbillips: jigger: Rye_: When my wife and I were married, I was actually shocked at how many people DID give us cash. We weren't expecting that.Do people not do the money dance? Is that just a "where I'm from" thing?The what? And apparently.
space1999: <i>Weddings are to make money for your future</i>Seriously? Who thinks this?
digitalrain: Congrats on the best man gig!
orbister: SaladMonkey: Weddings are insanely expensive (even small ones)No they aren't.
mafiageek1980: When Mr Mafiageek1980 and I got married a couple of years ago, we didn't care if we got gifts or not because we were about to move anyway (from Odessa, to Austin). Needless to say, the gifts we got we are still using today (a flask, vegan cookbook, picture frames, candles, etc). We kept it small and fun for EVERYONE (we got drunk and went bowling after the reception). I don't get the whole "Bridezilla" thing. Hell, aren't weddings supposed to be about a union of two people and celebration?/btw, I would have LOVED if someone got us that gift basket, thank you very much!
ShangriLlama: jst3p: orbister: ExcaliburPrime111: Both sides violated social etiquette to a huge extent. I think few people would oppose the notion that the newlyweds acted inappropriately, but I also think that the "gift givers" are to blame as well. The social convention is to give money, or at least a gift commensurate in value to the money spent hosting you.Where? I've always thought money was considered a tacky and unimaginative wedding present. Anyway, how are you supposed to know how much the whole thing cost, and what your share is, in advance?Duh! Put it on the invitation:Mr. and Mrs. John L. SmithandMr. and Mrs. Mark Franklin Jonesrequest the honor of your presenceat the marriage of their childrenMary Ann SmithandEdward Malcolm JonesYour portion comes to $145.83, double that if plus one.Gift should be of equal or greater value.This is why your posts show up in lovely, cheery green
catmandu: space1999: <i>Weddings are to make money for your future</i>Seriously? Who thinks this?Until early to mid 20th century, this was the norm, especially in Europe and with new immigrants in the US. The wedding showers were for material gifts, the wedding was paid for by the bride's parents, and the guests would give money to the bride and groom to get the couple started. It was never meant to pay off the wedding.Those brides were totally rude!
Jument: orbister: SaladMonkey: Weddings are insanely expensive (even small ones)No they aren't.If you conform to traditional norms, they are.
mrswood: Horrible people. wedding receptions are about celebrating your newly shackled-ness with your favorite friends and family. presents and cash are a perk of course. my reception took an interesting turn when i was introduced to an alleged catholic tradition of stuffing money in my dress and pinning money to my dress.[img.fark.net image 551x720]
maxx2112: My response:Just a note to let you know some coont is using your email to send out rude messages.
Pincy: "I just spent $200 for you and your guest to come and you guys must have given me $40 back."My response: Either you should have spent less or you shouldn't have invited me.
Aidan: thurstonxhowell: I always try to cover my plate at a wedding, but you can't just expect everyone to do so.I'm surprised. I've never even thought of it this way. I'm always glad to be invited, but... Er. I thought I was invited for being me. If the people couldn't afford my presence, I wouldn't have been offended to not be invited. I certainly don't expect to pay my way (unless my dietary requirements are annoyingly picky), or do some kind of tit-for-tat thing.However, I don't have a lot of experience with weddings, so this could be a very minority view.
TheDumbBlonde: Wedding registeries were, where I come from, traditionally a local jeweler/fine gifts shop where the bride to be registered her china and silver patterns for the convenience of guests WHO CHOSE TO USE IT. You didn't go to freaking Target and register for sheets and towels and egg poachers! You took what you received, were grateful not matter how tacky and wrote a goddamned thank you note. The whole lack of manners is out of control. It's out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it./Meh
Pray 4 Mojo: Just wondering... what's the proper term for a gluten intolerant lesbian?Lesbiac?Celian?Celyke?
swfan: SaladMonkey: Although the newlywed was a colossal biatch, the polite thing to do is to cover the cost of your plate. Weddings are insanely expensive (even small ones), and society expects you to have one. Moreover, in many cultures, it's an insult NOT to invite people. So, if you're invited, either don't RSVP, or cover your plate.Seriously? When did this "cover your plate" crap start? I'm giving the same gift whether the reception is at a five star hotel or the local pizza joint. Hell, I'd probably give a little more to the couple having the reception at the pizza joint, feeling they could really use the money vs the fools blowing $30k.
OregonVet: What a couple of shiatty people. We didn't anticipate any money at all. In fact we refused to do a "dollar dance" or whatever the fark they're called. It was about the party and the fun for us. Granted we didn't have 300+ people on our guest list, but we still spent $75/plate and the food was fantastic, sprung for servers because we don't care for buffets, and had plenty of booze. We got married at thirty and nearly all of our friends are professionals, so yah, we did get a lot of cash-filled envelopes. But in my mind I never conceived we'd get that much. We only got one actual gift- a really nice globe that sits on display after 13 years and it makes me think of my friends often (one passed away six years ago)./other things banned included Bob Seger and the stupid garter ritual (although she did throw the flowers thing)
China White Tea: Dear Bride,I'm not sure if this is the first dinner-party fundraiser you've held, but next time, you shouldn't confuse people by calling it a wedding.
Drunken_Polar_Bear: Am I the only one thinking "YES! We got Fluffy Whip and Sour Patch Kids for our wedding. Tonight is gonna be SO kinky!"
Russ1642: I've never even heard of someone thinking they should profit from a wedding. Have any of you?
sugarhi: Like I've said for years, I'm going to the court house and then throwing a party for people to drink and gorge on food to celebrate - screw the whole wedding ridiculousness, it's absurd.
think_balance: Russ1642: I've never even heard of someone thinking they should profit from a wedding. Have any of you?Sadly, yes. And they divorced less than a year later.
jst3p: Better yet, instead of sending invitations sell tickets!
megarian: Drunken_Polar_Bear: Am I the only one thinking "YES! We got Fluffy Whip and Sour Patch Kids for our wedding. Tonight is gonna be SO kinky!"This.
aacharya: Spent a little less than that per plate,
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