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(The Detroit_News)   Detroit to lower property taxes, which will cause people to flock to live in the city   ( detroitnews.com) divider line
    More: Unlikely, Detroit, Orr, property taxes, emergency managers  
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3228 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jun 2013 at 2:49 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-06-14 06:02:10 PM  
2 votes:
How to make Detroit better:

1. Legalize gambling, brothels (taxed and regulated prostitution within a licensed establishment), and marijuana within city limits.

2. Give tax incentives to businesses who wish to operate within the city. Woo organizations that would like to build casinos, hash bars, and brothels.

3. Basically let organized crime move into town and set up business. Put the expected amount of pressure on them, but know that the cops will probably all be on their payroll at some point.

4. Watch tourists flock to the area to spend lots of money, which will be taxed.

5. Watch as the mobsters wipe out the street crime by either crushing the gangs, or assuming control of them and preventing them from terrorizing paying customers and tourists.

6. Accept that since Detroit is going to have crime, that at least organized crime/mobsters are generally good businessmen who don't commit random acts of violence or want to see their neighborhoods become rundown pits after pocketing all the city's money, as opposed to the gangbangers and criminals that rule Detroit now.

7. Watch Michigan finally get their damned roads fixed after seeing a huge spike in tax revenue from taxed weed, prostitution, and gambling establishments.

8. Cross your fingers and hope that as a result, Michigan is annexed by Canada, so we can finally have universal health care, milk in bags, and justification for all the Tim Horton's around here.
2013-06-14 03:13:47 PM  
2 votes:

rko281: Removing all the corrupt politicians from the city counsel and government leadership would have an even bigger impact. Making a huge personal property investment in an area with a corrupt, unstable government is just nuts.

No, we can't do that. Anyone not from Detroit is going to bring back slavery.
2013-06-14 02:59:28 PM  
2 votes:
What Detroit needs is a TV series that combines elements of The Wire with Robocop.
2013-06-14 02:54:12 PM  
2 votes:
Detroit is going to need bigger negative integers.
2013-06-14 02:51:46 PM  
2 votes:
Properties in Detroit are worth enough money to pay taxes on?
2013-06-14 05:22:44 PM  
1 vote:
Anyone who spells his name "Kevyn" is doomed to failure.
2013-06-14 03:50:32 PM  
1 vote:
Isn't it about time we wall up Detroit, Escape from NY style?
2013-06-14 03:36:30 PM  
1 vote:

jaytkay: legion_of_doo: The Detroit way is to:
1) blame whitey.

You sound white. And Republican.

You sound like you've never been to Detroit.
2013-06-14 03:32:57 PM  
1 vote:

StreetlightInTheGhetto: thecpt: Also, how unimaginative is your transportation department? The People Mover?

I had a keychain for awhile that celebrated the first anniversary of the People Mover and said "THANKS FOR RIDING THE SKY!" on it.  Then it broke and I lost it.

When I was a little kid, riding that thing in circles was a crazy cheap way for my Dad to keep us entertained.  The only time it's ever actually been useful for me is going to Greektown to get food while working a convention at Cobo.  So, um, one weekend.  Took it from the Ren Cen to Greektown as well but at that point you might as well just walk it.

I mean thank gawd it was there. After stuffing myself with gyros, saganaki, and baclava how the hell was I going to waddle my suddenly top heavy self all the way to tiger stadium/comerica?
2013-06-14 03:25:15 PM  
1 vote:

thecpt: Also, how unimaginative is your transportation department? The People Mover?

That's "Coleman's Train" to you.

/sung to the tune of "Purple Rain."
2013-06-14 03:14:24 PM  
1 vote:

tenpoundsofcheese: No, the democrat way is to tax people more and then use that tax money to make people want to live in Detroit.

The Detroit way is to:
1) blame whitey.
2) ???
3) Profit! (and embezzle the shiat out of the money that the city actually does get, or hand it out to your cronies)

/don't know nothin bout no god damn krugerrands!
2013-06-14 03:13:07 PM  
1 vote:
Lower taxes?

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