If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Buzzfeed)   Chicken and ale theft. It's your Mugshot Roundup in the 1870s   ( buzzfeed.com) divider line
    More: Interesting, mug shots  
•       •       •

9708 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 May 2013 at 1:35 AM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-05-19 07:58:21 PM  
7 votes:
s3-ec.buzzfed.comView Full Size

Four months for stealing ale? How long does he get for sacking Winterfell?
2013-05-20 12:07:09 AM  
6 votes:
imageshack.usView Full Size
2013-05-19 09:42:07 PM  
6 votes:
imageshack.usView Full Size
2013-05-20 02:22:10 AM  
4 votes:
thegreatdeejays.comView Full Size

theragingfanboy.files.wordpress.comView Full Size

s3-ec.buzzfed.comView Full Size
2013-05-20 07:57:31 AM  
3 votes:
s3-ec.buzzfed.comView Full Size

This is but a minor setback. Whilst in prison, I shall use my time constructively. I shall complete my plans for a steam powered arachnid perhaps five stories tall and I shall use this infernal device to hold ransom the intercontinental railroad. A kingly ransom of five million dollars should set me well. I shall then relocate to the sandwich islands where I can impress the locals as a willing army devoted to my cause. Yes. I think that introducing them to the wonder drug cocaine should be advantageous to me. With the islands, firmly in my grip, I shall set up a coaling station. Lure the navies of the Pacific in to using my facilities and when the time is right, replace some of their coal with deadly explosives. Once at sea, their vessels shall be rendered from within with a great loss of life. My sea and land going arachnids piloted by my cocaine fueled soldiers shall rule the greatest ocean of the world. I shall lay waste to the great cities of the coast and all shall tremble before my might. Yes. Then mommy will like me better than daddy.
2013-05-20 08:27:02 AM  
2 votes:
s3-ec.buzzfed.comView Full Size

In 1873, Robert Hardy was sentenced to four months for stealing ale. Upon leaving jail, Robert entered a treatment program from Ale Addiction. He completed the program and announced his sobriety to the evening papers. Many people wished him well and hoped that this new fangled 'treatment program' could have effect on the nation's ale addicts.

Robert got a job in a hemp rope factory. It wasn't glamorous work but it paid his bills. One year in to his sobriety, the newspapers ran an update on him. The reporter even tried to tempt him with a bottle of the finest ale but Robert bravely turned it down. His story and photo caught the eye of a young singer in the local opera company and they met. Their whirlwind romance made the front pages of the tabloids but they seemed happy and committed to each other. In spite of the opera singer's wealth, Robert refused to give up his job at the hemp factory.

On the anniversary of his three year sobriety, Robert announced that he and his beloved opera singer would become husband and wife. Their wedding was held at the grand cathedral and attended by everyone including railroad men. A white carriage with four white stallions and four of the darkest footmen whisked them away on their honeymoon.

It was scarcely six months later when the opera star announced she was leaving the stage. She said that her husband would be managing her career and that she would be touring the saloons of the great cities. Her voice would no longer sing opera but rather the music of the people. Robert said that he could continue to work at the hemp factory and manage her career. This, in spite the fact that he was now spending some 20 hours a day making rope.

The singer's debut at the finest saloon in town was attended by all members of the press. Their reports agreed upon the fact that the opera singer was far out of her league singing these plain and ordinary songs. Also, they reported that she dressed as a common harlot and that he ankles were visible for some of her performance causing women to faint and men to grow lecherous. Between the songs, she soapboxed about the evils of liquor, especially ale. This final act of folly enraged the saloon keepers. She was not invited back to finish her contract and the other saloons cancelled without payment.

Robert was enraged. He sued the saloons. He sued the lawyers who wrote the contracts. He even tried to sue the newspapers who reported these events. He and the former opera singer retreated to their mansion where Robert had mysterious laid up a great quantity of rope. Friends were turned away at the gate and the press was especially chased from the lands.

After a few months of this, Robert appeared alone from within the walls of the mansion. He announced that the opera singer was no more. That she had become deceased from consumption and he blamed the world for his loss. He also commissioned a photographer to enter the mansion and photograph the deceased. These photos he sold to the highest bidder.

Robert announced that he was going to write the greatest love song and dedicate it to his deceased. He also stunned the world by saying that he would sing it for his voice was as good if not better than his deceased wife's. But first, he needed to get back to the roots of his life. He went back to work at the hemp rope factory.

Though he claimed that his song was nearly complete, he never got the chance to sing it for his beloved. Just ten years after the death of his wife, the rope factory caught fire. Though there was ample time for egress, Robert stayed behind ensuring that all were safely away. He reportedly fought off efforts to extract him and died in the conflagration.

Officials who entered his mansion found the place destroyed from with in. All the art work was gone and there was no record of the music that he said he was writing. Officials assumed it burned up in the hemp rope factory. All that was discovered in the mansion was mattress afoul with the stains of a depraved man, photo magazines and a strange food item that appeared to be toasted tortillas broken in to triangles and dusted with distinct spices.
2013-05-20 04:20:15 AM  
2 votes:

People_are_Idiots: I know I hate to be the one to point this out... don't they seem a bit... white?

Worse than that, they seem Irish. Papist brutes, ready to steal their grandma's linens for a bottle.
2013-05-20 02:31:11 AM  
2 votes:
At the young age of 14, Henry Miller was charged with the theft of clothing and sentenced to 14 days of hard labor for his crime.

rebellesociety.comView Full Size

Well, he turned out OK I guess
2013-05-20 01:44:03 AM  
2 votes:
Awful lot of people stealing clothes and bedsheets back then.  Looking at what they were wearing, I'm not surprised.

And yet, none were caught stealing soap.
2013-05-19 06:57:28 PM  
2 votes:
Is it just me, or does this man's head appear to be too big for his body?
s3-ec.buzzfed.comView Full Size
2013-05-20 08:43:02 AM  
1 vote:
s3-ec.buzzfed.comView Full Size

Why is it that you do not love me? Is it because of my age? Many twelve year old girls are still of the marriageable stock. I can take your rages and your blows like a ten year old.

I follow you about the streets because I care for you. I stand outside your window so that I can but catch a glimpse of you before you retire for the night. I send you telegraphs in the hopes that you will tell the agent to reply in kind. A simple "I am well. Stop" from you would set my heart aflutter.

Perhaps there is another. The girl who cleans your chamber pot, perhaps? What does she have that I don't. Do you know that she discharges your waste in the fields behind your house yet tells you she disposes of it according to local laws? She is but a liar and a thief and should be sent from you post-haste!

None shall come between you and I, my betrothed. I shall have you or I shall perish in the fires that shall consume us both! It is not a threat. It is a promise that our love shall rise from the flames like the very Phoenix. Entwined forever and a day.

But I promise you this: Accept my love and we shall live in accord forever. I shall prepare your meals and tend to your clothes and make sure that you live your life as a proper gentleman. You may beat me with your cane and I shall not raise my hand in defense for I know you do this for a reason that is all your own. My life is yours.

Now go and contemplate upon what I've said here. Your heart shall make the right decision for I know it to be true. Also, note that I have sewn my name in to all of your clothing so that you will always know who I am.
2013-05-20 08:42:08 AM  
1 vote:
s3-ec.buzzfed.comView Full Size


2013-05-20 08:32:36 AM  
1 vote:

People_are_Idiots: I know I hate to be the one to point this out... don't they seem a bit... white?


They're mostly Irish.   Everyone knows the Irish ain't white.  Born troublemakers, everyone.

3.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size
2013-05-20 08:30:38 AM  
1 vote:
s3-ec.buzzfed.comView Full Size

Thirteen-year-old James Scullion was sentenced to 14 days' hard labor for stealing clothes. After this he was sent to Market Weighton Reformatory School for three years.

Upon development of this photograph, it was determined that James' pants were unbuttoned and his three years sentence at the reformatory was commuted to death.
2013-05-20 04:10:44 AM  
1 vote:
Is the "hand pose" the "duck face" of yesterday????
2013-05-20 03:22:06 AM  
1 vote:

People_are_Idiots: I know I hate to be the one to point this out... don't they seem a bit... white?

Less blacks back in the day, we'd more or less solved the injun problem by then, and mexicans weren't yet flooding the border.
2013-05-20 01:52:40 AM  
1 vote:
I call  Shenanigans .
11 and 13 are the same guy.
In pic 11 he looks hung over.
2013-05-20 01:48:17 AM  
1 vote:
Helloooo !
blogs.babble.comView Full Size
s3-ec.buzzfed.comView Full Size
2013-05-19 11:53:13 PM  
1 vote:
Who knew police were profiling midgets back in the day.
2013-05-19 09:32:49 PM  
1 vote:
s3-ec.buzzfed.comView Full Size

I know a narcoleptic cab driver that looks just like this guy
2013-05-19 06:17:19 PM  
1 vote:
Great, great, Grandma?
Displayed 21 of 21 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.