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(Some used car guy)   Perhaps not the best used car ad ever, but close   ( gumtree.com.au) divider line
    More: Amusing, Brumby, clarinets, Mount Olympus, Kurt Cobain  
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18013 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 May 2013 at 11:34 AM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2013-05-15 11:37:24 AM  

Cars, Vans & Utes

nndb.comView Full Size

pic is borrowed
2013-05-15 11:38:10 AM  
2013-05-15 11:38:12 AM  
2013-05-15 11:38:16 AM  
Straight from God, slightly used by Jesus, you will be blessed driving this piece of heaven.
2013-05-15 11:38:42 AM  

1991 Subaru Brumby Ute

Traveling in a fried-out Brumby

On a hippie trail, head full of Gumby.
2013-05-15 11:38:52 AM  
Forced and unfunny.
2013-05-15 11:39:10 AM  
This Craigslist Xterra ad was much better:

NINJA HAULER: 2005 Nissan Xterra - $12900 (Ronan / Lake County)

OK, let me start off by saying this Xterra is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this Nissan would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that's what your Prius is for. If that's the kind of car you're looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.

This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn't let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don't even know what the hell On Star is).

No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 265 HP engine to outrun the cops. It's got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself. The Xterra also has an automatic transmission so if you're being chased by Libyan terrorists, you'll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It's saved my bacon more than once.

It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There's a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.

My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $12,900, but I'll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up and tell me you'll give me $5,000 for it. That's liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.

There's only 69,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.

Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I'll get back to you. And when I do, we'll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.

To sweeten the deal a little, I'm throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can't fit into regular pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants.

Rock on.
2013-05-15 11:39:18 AM  
3/10 It tried really hard.
2013-05-15 11:39:45 AM  
No flux capacitor? I'm out.
2013-05-15 11:40:06 AM  
I'm sure the guy's blog--which he points out at the end of the ad, of course--is equally unfunny.
2013-05-15 11:42:15 AM  
It's funnier if your drinking and reading.
2013-05-15 11:42:24 AM  
Come down about 2k on the price and I might consider it.
2013-05-15 11:42:38 AM  
2013-05-15 11:42:43 AM  
It's funnier if you read it upside down
2013-05-15 11:42:57 AM  
*Pulls out old-school encyclopedia
*Flips pages and finds "trying too hard"
*sees copy of this add
2013-05-15 11:43:02 AM  
This kills it...
adweek.comView Full Size
2013-05-15 11:43:05 AM  

Sin_City_Superhero: No flux capacitor? I'm out.

Yeah really for 5k you should get at least two.
2013-05-15 11:43:50 AM  
 "made by God, rolled by Jesus and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer's p**** lips"
2013-05-15 11:45:38 AM  
Call me old fashioned but when I saw the amusing tag, I actually expected to read an amusing article.
2013-05-15 11:46:15 AM  
your ad is bad and you should feel bad
2013-05-15 11:46:56 AM  
Fark you, Baltimore!
2013-05-15 11:47:22 AM  
Brumby?  Was someone in Subaru's branding department a big Heinlein fan?
2013-05-15 11:47:24 AM  
What a brat.
2013-05-15 11:49:19 AM  

Hagbardr: Fark you, Baltimore!

2013-05-15 11:49:32 AM  
A friend posted this on Craigslist Nashville:

Perfect Hipster Car for Sale!

Tired of pedaling that fixed gear bicycle through the streets of Nashville? Who can blame you? It's hot, and riding a bicycle in skinny jeans isn't nearly as comfortable as your Williamsburg brethren would lead you to believe. Our recent automobile purchase has opened up a pristine opportunity to help alleviate your transportation woes.

We have a 2002 Saturn SL2 with 108,000 local, middle Tennessee miles. But instead of focusing on the mileage of this vehicle, I'd like to point out where those miles have NOT led to. The beauty of this automobile is in that it is has not had the misfortune of motoring to tourist heavy locations such as:
Disney World
The beach
Sea World
A Justin Bieber concert

Rather, it has spent most of its pampered life in route to the nearest Interpol concert, or parked in a Whole Foods parking lot.

Lucky you!

Since 1991 Saturn has been manufacturing cars that buck the mainstream accepted norm of "aesthetically pleasing". Who knew, back when you were wearing HyperColor clothing with Vaurnet sunglasses that the car being sold on tv commercials during Blossom would be your mode of transportation 20 years later? And with color offerings like brown and brown, you can have your choice of earth-toned goodiness! However, in this instance, we have a black/green colored model available.

This insipid specimen of a vehicle is unlikely to be stolen while parked outside of the local dive bar. Criminals would much rather steal from the establishment that has chosen to drive a Mini Cooper or a Volvo 240. Plus, with the exceptional reliability of this car, you'll have more cash to buy Manhattan Portage messenger bags, organic chocolate, and Apple products (I hear the Green Hills Apple store has the newer iPads in stock now).

Of course with a vehicle that is ten years old, there will be some slight break in adjustments. For instance, there are several paint scratches and blemishes. And the front bumper has a moderate amount of road rash from an encounter with a dumpster in East Nashville (where else would this car be parked?). However, you could consider this personalization of the car more a form of urban camouflage than defects in the vehicle.

This vehicle is feature laden with amenities such as an aerial antenna (I would happily swap this out for a metal coat hanger if preferred), a factory am/fm/cd radio which still has the factory presets for the radio set (we all know radio is dead), and an automatic transmission. The cd player has played a collection of Black Keys cd's until four or five years ago, Bon Iver cd's until last year, and is currently spinning a copy of Journey's Greatest Hits. Oh the irony.

Are you interested? I would happily trade this car, with title in hand, for 2500 dollars. To schedule a test drive, please text or call my Boost Mobile phone at 615-XXX-XXXX.
2013-05-15 11:49:57 AM  
Slightly funny, and I'll give him $500 for it if he can get it to the Eastern US at his expense.
2013-05-15 11:51:29 AM  

Sin_City_Superhero: No flux capacitor? I'm out.

3/10 didn't try hard enough.
2013-05-15 11:51:31 AM  
jaguar-ad-from-that-nut-house-movie-where-the-loonies-made-honest-ads- like-"for-men-who-want-handjobs-from-women-they-don't-even-know".jpg.
2013-05-15 11:52:25 AM  
Didn't think the ad was particularly impressive, especially since I've actually got one of those.  Well mine is a 1984 with 289,000 on the original motor / trans (Well, the CASTINGS are original, I imagine after a quarter of a million miles some of the internals were replaced before I picked it up last year).  Here in the states however, they were marketed as the BRAT.  Other than my own, I've never seen another (in person) in the wild however; just on TV (it was the car Joy had in My Name is Earl).  Of course only about 100,000 were ever made over 15 years, and only sold in the states for like 8 or 9.
2013-05-15 11:53:47 AM  

Hagbardr: Fark you, Baltimore!

Home of challenge pissing!
2013-05-15 11:55:55 AM  
I drove it to my last job interview and my employer handed me his résumé.

For some reason that made me laugh.
2013-05-15 11:56:26 AM  

stlbluez: jaguar-ad-from-that-nut-house-movie-where-the-loonies-made-honest-ads - like-"for-men-who-want-handjobs-from-women-they-don't-even-know".jpg.

Fun fact: Originally the script said blow job, not hand job, but they were made to tone it down by the people in charge of unfunnying scripts.
2013-05-15 11:57:15 AM  
Oh, it is a BRAT.  Not many survivors out there, Subaru of that vintage were chronic rust buckets.
2013-05-15 11:57:28 AM  
Three Pommies look interested.

static.guim.co.ukView Full Size
2013-05-15 11:58:52 AM  
Wow, tough room. I giggled at most of it, guess I'm not enough of a cynical, crusty old windbag yet to post on fark.
2013-05-15 11:59:25 AM  
THIS is the best used car ad ever :

2013-05-15 12:04:53 PM  
2013-05-15 12:05:38 PM  
Funny, but it's no Big Bill Hell's (NSFW Language).
2013-05-15 12:06:18 PM  
I found it to be hilarious, and since my opinion is more factually accurate than the rest of you wankers, that means it is indisputably funny.

No, you are not allowed your own opinion any longer. You've proven irresponsible with it.
2013-05-15 12:11:34 PM  
$5000?  For a 22 year old car/truck combination that was a piece of shiat when it when it rolled off the line?  Are Australians really this stupid or is the used car market just insane there?
2013-05-15 12:17:28 PM  
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.comView Full Size

I drove my car to my last job interview and the employer handed me his résumé.
2013-05-15 12:23:07 PM  

Deep Contact: It's funnier if your drinking and reading.

Your drinking and reading what? Your drinking and reading dog? Your drinking and reading squirrel?
2013-05-15 12:24:13 PM  
I drove it to my last job interview and my employer handed me his résumé.

That's the only line that made me laugh.

Windscreen wiper jets filled with the tears of Jesus (washes away the most sinful grime)

I also found this line clever.
2013-05-15 12:29:34 PM  

Pet Peeve: Deep Contact: It's funnier if your drinking and reading.

Your drinking and reading what? Your drinking and reading dog? Your drinking and reading squirrel?

Even funnier if high and reading.
2013-05-15 12:33:09 PM  
While I wasn't overly amused by that bit of hyperbole, it did make me realize that I really really want a Subaru Brumby.  How have I not heard of this make of vehicle?
2013-05-15 12:33:28 PM  
Perhaps not the best used car ad  ever, but close.

That's better.
2013-05-15 12:34:27 PM  
I don't use ad block but Fark makes it tempting. There was an auto play video ad on the mobile ad site the other day. They need better controls.
2013-05-15 12:36:23 PM  

brap: While I wasn't overly amused by that bit of hyperbole, it did make me realize that I really really want a Subaru Brumby.  How have I not heard of this make of vehicle?

It looks to be a Brat. Australians talk funny. Must be the altitude, and all the yodeling.
2013-05-15 12:36:55 PM  


While I wasn't overly amused by that bit of hyperbole, it did make me realize that I really really want a Subaru Brumby. How have I not heard of this make of vehicle?

They weren't available stateside as the Brumby. The closest thing was probably the Subaru BRAT.
2013-05-15 12:51:54 PM  
So.... make up a whole bunch of snarky bullshiat about a car and it becomes the best thing since sliced bread?

Not really.  The car is ugly and I don't even think all this attention will get it sold.  Not for 5 grand anyways.
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