If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Action News Jacksonville)   Burglar interrupts masturbation session inside couple's home to play with remote controlled helicopter. Where are this guy's priorities?   ( actionnewsjax.com) divider line
    More: Florida, executive sessions, priority date, burglary, chewing tobacco, interrupts, helicopters, defendant admitted, Jason Vickery  
•       •       •

7443 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Apr 2013 at 2:49 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-04-29 01:34:13 PM  
3 votes:
The way you've constructed this headline, subby, it makes it sound like the couple was masturbating when the burglar came in and interrupted them to play with the remote controlled helicopter. I like that version better.
2013-04-29 03:28:14 PM  
2 votes:
ADD's a biatch, ain't it? "Okay, Imma break into these people's house, steal some shi... whoa, I'm feeling a bit horny, lemme rub one out.... Ahhh, that felt great! Okay, let's get back on track. What to take, what to take... Wow, check it out! An RC helicopter! Cool! I'll take that. But first, let's take this baby for a spin, see if it works. Wheee! This is fun! Gettin' kinda hungry, glad I brought this salad. Burglary's hungry work, alright. Let's dig in... Mmmm, burglary sure makes a salad taste better, don't it? Tasty, tasty salad alright. Glad I brought my chaw for afterwards... Now, what was I here to get? Oh yeah, lookin' for valuables..."
2013-04-29 01:35:15 PM  
2 votes:
Police confiscated a bag full of marijuana, other drug paraphernalia, a wig, a towel and a pouch of chewing tobacco

2013-04-29 03:11:27 PM  
1 vote:
I would assume the priorities for a "normal" burglary go like this:
1. Don't get shot
2. Don't get arrested
3. Get high value easy to fence stuff
4. Send message to owners that you can violate their home with impunity
5. Maybe grab a snack or the lady of the house's underwear

This burglar seems to have this set of priorities:
1. Enjoy the amenities I don't have at home
2. Crack one off in a stranger's house
3. Be considerate and bring a towel to clean up after myself
4. Cater this event myself; mom says I'll die if a gluten so much as breathes on me.  And I got to watch that figure, no one wants to be home invaded by a lard ass
5. Wear a wig, 'cuz wigs are fun!
6. Better bring the chaw; can't go an hour without that shiat

Not being caught did not seem to be on his list of priorities; so either it just did not enter his mind or he was OK with it.  Though maybe the towel was so he would not leave DNA evidence behind. I'd probably want a mental evaluation at any rate.
2013-04-29 02:54:17 PM  
1 vote:

blatz514: [2.bp.blogspot.com image 450x303]

Ceiling cat is watching you aviate?
2013-04-29 02:40:12 PM  
1 vote:
2.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size
2013-04-29 01:54:50 PM  
1 vote:

minoridiot: He also ate a salad that he brought with him,...


I know, right? I thought raiding your victim's fridge was de rigueur.
2013-04-29 01:32:40 PM  
1 vote:
He also ate a salad that he brought with him,...

Displayed 8 of 8 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.