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(The Onion)   "'Yeah, of course gay men and women can get married. Who gives a shiat?' said Chief Justice John Roberts, 'Why are we even seriously discussing this?'"   ( theonion.com) divider line
    More: Satire, Chief Justice John Roberts, supreme courts, gays, Mr. Cooper, dockets  
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10047 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Mar 2013 at 1:39 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-03-26 02:21:42 PM  
4 votes:
24.media.tumblr.comView Full Size

To reiterate: WOW
2013-03-26 02:11:06 PM  
4 votes:
Gay marriage is okay
i56.tinypic.comView Full Size
2013-03-26 06:01:55 PM  
2 votes:
I think Gays should be able to marry.  They have the right to be miserable just like the rest of us heterosexual married couples.
2013-03-26 03:10:10 PM  
2 votes:

ElMNoPee: waiting for the day I can marry about 6 people at the same time.  After all, it would be a consensual choice and no "societal" pressures should prohibit me from doing so legally.

Why don't you just marry one straw man instead?
2013-03-26 02:30:28 PM  
2 votes:

Inigo: [24.media.tumblr.com image 379x292]

To reiterate: WOW

encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.comView Full Size

Ah good, our first catch of the day.
2013-03-26 02:11:42 PM  
2 votes:

Farce-Side: If only this were true.  I could really give two shiats if any of you wanna gay marry each other or abort your babies or fark a chicken or whatever.  Just don't try to gay marry me, don't abort my babies, and don't fark my chicken and we'll be ok.

Maybe your chicken shouldn't dress like such a slut.
2013-03-26 02:10:42 PM  
2 votes:

SpdrJay: Well I'm bisexual....

When do I get to marry a man AND a woman?

Because that's the only way I would ever consider getting married.

Become a JOP, pastor or ship's Captain.  Then you should be able to marry all the men and woman you want.
2013-03-26 01:48:34 PM  
2 votes:

Lando Lincoln: If conservatives didn't exist, the world would be a much nicer place.

For some reason, when progressives are left unchecked, there seems to be a lot of purges and mass murders of dissenters.
2013-03-27 01:45:01 PM  
1 vote:

Ehcks: Ehh: SpdrJay: Well I'm bisexual....

When do I get to marry a man AND a woman?

Because that's the only way I would ever consider getting married.

That possibility has been brought up by the opponents of gay marriage. The answer seems to be, "so?" Once gays are gettin' hitched all over, it's a safe bet that poly marriage will be up for consideration next. Family law attorneys should be all for it.

I don't see much reason in making polygamy illegal, it would just cause more issues with the rights and responsibilities granted by marriage. Who has right of attorney when one gets incapacitated? How do assets get split in a divorce? How does a divorce even work? What if one of the members of the marriage wants to marry someone else but the others don't?

Expanding marriage to any two legally consenting adults changes very little. It has almost no effect on anyone except the homosexual couples who can now be married. Polygamy would require more effort, and there's no real attempt to make it legal at the moment anyway.

I disagree. It is impossible to give both parties 100% of the assets in the case of a lesbian divorce. I suppose all assets from a gay divorce could simply be confiscated by the state added to the assets for a lesbian divorce, but that would require an equal number of gay and lesbian divorces.
2013-03-26 06:07:17 PM  
1 vote:
How about if you're bi-sexual you can get engaged, will that shut you up? Jeesh.
2013-03-26 06:01:21 PM  
1 vote:

gilgigamesh: doubled99: They're sexual deviants who will most certainly be going to hell for eternity.
As long as that's understood, I don't see why they can't marry each other.

What, and you aren't?

Then I definitely don't want to party with you, Mr. Missionary.

Yeah, the cool person party will be there.  I'm going.  I'll spend my days with JFK, Marvin Gaye, Martha Ray and Laurence Welk, Kurt Cobain, Kolchak, Mark Twain, and Jimmy Hendrix's poltergeist.  Oh and Webster... Emmanuel Lewis.

/...'cause he's the Antichrist.
2013-03-26 03:49:59 PM  
1 vote:

BullBearMS: Lando Lincoln: BullBearMS: Go back and ignore reality on the Politics Tab where you belong.

Which reality am I avoiding, exactly? That Democrat = liberal?

That the Democratic party threw gays under the bus and worked with Republicans to pass legislation that specifically denied equal rights to gay people.

Which has nothing to do at all with conservatism and liberalism.

Do you not even see those words anymore for what they actually are? Let's do a test.

Democrat Liberal
Democrat Democrat

Republican Conservative
Republican Republican

Are lines 1 and 2 the same or different? Are lines 3 and 4 the same or different?
2013-03-26 03:12:59 PM  
1 vote:

The Southern Dandy: Which is is the defendant? For or against same-sex marriage?

The "against" crowd is the defendant at his point. The deali-o is this - Gavin Newsom, when he was Supremely Fabulous of San Francisco (mayor) told the county "screw it, let 'em get married" and directed county clerks to issue the appropriate licenses. A bunch of dudes and dudettes went and gay married each other and all was quiet and peaceful for the exact amount of time it took the anti-marriage for teh ebil gheys crowd to file paperwork to put a stop to it until it could be decided by a statewide vote.

It hit the state ballot as Prop 8 aka the strangely named "protection of marriage act" (or something similar, too lazy to google it right now) and since a lot of folks seemed to think that gay marriage was obviously legal or we'd not have so many married gays suddenly running amok planning honeymoons and updating their state tax BS, they were preserving the legality of the marriage and many questionable shenanigans ensued. Prop 8 passed, the existing marriages were left intact, but no new gay marryin' anyone, you pervs.

Enter the California Supreme court, after many more shenanigans involving lower courts, who ruled the new law against gay marriage unconstitutional, even on the federal level. This upheld the rulings of the lower courts but because a federal judge somewhere in the list was also gay, it didn't count. So now two of the gay couples who got hitched and who started the whole "you can't tell us we can't marry cuz the 14th amendment, biatches" are now facing off against the "you're going to hell, sodomites! (pssst...call me)" crowd, much to no one's surprise at all.

A great time was had by none except in small spurts after a few court rulings that have generally sided with the "gay marriage is a-ok" crowd. When this is all over, we'll all head down to see the pot doc, complain of menstrual cramping to get a medical marijuana card and then just chill the fark out with some baked vegetable chips, tofu dip and a low fat, non-dairy wheat grass smoothie spiked with Napa Valley wine. I promise. coontil we find some other way to poke someone else in the eye with a sharp pointy stick or get really bored)
2013-03-26 02:15:16 PM  
1 vote:

SpdrJay: Well I'm bisexual....

When do I get to marry a man AND a woman?

Because that's the only way I would ever consider getting married.

Marry a man with mommy issues. You'll get him and his mother as a bundled package.
2013-03-26 02:00:11 PM  
1 vote:

SpdrJay: Well I'm bisexual....

When do I get to marry a man AND a woman?

Because that's the only way I would ever consider getting married.

Why would you want to mess your life up that badly?
2013-03-26 01:57:45 PM  
1 vote:
The supreme court seems to be a microcosm of what's wrong with our judicial system today... they're trying to decide what's right for the country and rule based on that, rather than just do their basic job and examine the law for conflicts with the constitutional guarantees of equal treatment.  Anybody remember when the courts just interpreted the law?

There's a lot of parallels between our society today and the decline of the Roman empire.  Which implies that sooner or later a horde of eskimos will eventually sack Washington a couple of times before the capital gets moved to Houston.  I'm looking forward to it.
2013-03-26 01:49:38 PM  
1 vote:
Is it wrong of me to hope some group of knuckleheads thinks this is a real deal kinda story and runs with it, just so we can openly mock them?

/I'll start the popcorn.
2013-03-26 01:49:06 PM  
1 vote:

Lando Lincoln: If conservatives didn't exist, the world would be a much nicer place.

So the state of California is conservative. Hmm would not have guessed that.
2013-03-26 01:12:08 PM  
1 vote:
If conservatives didn't exist, the world would be a much nicer place.
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