If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Philly Burbs)   If your "friend" OD's on heroin at your place, you should call the authorities to take his body, then call the florist to order funeral flowers. If you instead leave his body in the florist's parking lot, just claim you're easily confused   ( phillyburbs.com) divider line
    More: Dumbass, parking lots, heroin, friends  
•       •       •

2594 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Mar 2013 at 9:56 AM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-03-21 08:50:55 AM  
4 votes:
wiki.tarantino.infoView Full Size

Don't be bringin some farked up poo-butt to my house!
2013-03-21 11:17:14 AM  
1 vote:

mitchcumstein1: I gotta stab her three times?

-No, you don't gotta farking stab her three times, you only gotta do it once, but it's gotta be hard enough to break through her breastplate into her heart, and then once you do that, you press down on the plunger.
-What happens after that?
-I'm kinda curious about that myself...
2013-03-21 11:11:16 AM  
1 vote:
t3.gstatic.comView Full Size

What a lego reenactment might look like.

/The little cereal bowl is my favorite part.
2013-03-21 11:08:06 AM  
1 vote:
 If she croaks on me, I'm a farkingreasespot!
2013-03-21 10:49:45 AM  
1 vote:
Did you see a sign out in front of my shop that said "Dead Junkie Storage"?
2013-03-21 10:25:16 AM  
1 vote:
The florist's understatement is hilarious.  "It wasn't a very pleasant way to start the day."

So this guy has had worse days?  On the scale of the days he has had, finding a dead body only constitutes an unpleasantry?  I wonder what his worst day looked like.  "Dear Diary, had to gas another batch of orphaned toddlers this morning.  One's eyebrow was twitching as she clutched her doll, so I stomped her skull flat.  Life in the gulog, am I right?!"

And with that twisted of a personal history, no wonder he's a florist.  He was the guy giving flowers at the most inappropriate times.  "Oh, I'm sorry that your wife got sucked into a jet engine while running from the hostage takers.  I pick you this dandelion."  At least now this sick, emotionally ruined bastard can get his morbid satisfaction and earn some cash at the same time.  Florist, like crime scene clean-up technician, is one of those professions that chooses you, not the other way around.

From another article I see that the woman claims to have left the body at 5 AM.  The florist got to work at 6, but didn't report it until 9.  Sounds like somebody was stemming the rose.  He earned it, but talk about the frequent dragging miles the cadaver got within twelve hours of going cold.  He should get an upgraded pallet at the morgue.
2013-03-21 10:15:20 AM  
1 vote:
Prank caller!  Prank caller!
Displayed 7 of 7 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.