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(Guardian)   Will Tebow be requested to walk the catwalk? Can Larry find a stall to his liking? Will Mel go full Henry VIII? It's your first day of Papal Conclave: Searching for Johnny (Paul) number 3   ( guardian.co.uk) divider line
    More: Interesting, papal conclave  
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1053 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Mar 2013 at 8:25 AM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2013-03-12 09:30:42 AM  
2 votes:
classwarfareexists.comView Full Size

"No, no, no. That's black smoke, maybe grey. But definitely not white."
2013-03-12 09:06:50 AM  
2 votes:
I'm there right now, bro.

2013-03-12 08:30:14 AM  
2 votes:
If you change your mind, I'm the first in line
Honey I'm still free
Pick a pope for me
2013-03-12 04:08:11 PM  
1 vote:
Either the first vote didn't pick one, or someone burnt dinner.
ww3.hdnux.comView Full Size
2013-03-12 12:40:38 PM  
1 vote:

JackieRabbit: dletter: Question I don't know the answer to.... do they release the "voting" at all on each 'round', or is it basically just either "No pope" or "pope" (with the whole smoke thing)?    I mean, this doesn't happen that often, so, didn't know if they were maybe trying to "modernize" it or remove a little bit of the "cloak" on the process as well.

/wait, this is the Catholic Church I'm talking about

No one knows the manner in which the College of Cardinals selects the pope. It is one of the world's best kept secrets and they have no intention of changing their process. Remember, the RCC is just now modernizing few of their more ridiculous 14th century dogmas. There's still be an Inquisition if the Church had more power.

Well, we don't know how they decide, but we know to a pretty decent degree the process by which they elect a new pope. So to answer dletter's questions, the idea is:

1. Tonight, after they all are sworn in, someone yells "Extra omens!" which is Latin for "LOL GTFO".
2. They take a vote.
3. On all future days, they will take two morning votes and two afternoon votes. After every three days, they hold a day of prayer and best two-out-of-three sack races.

Voting procedure: There are three levels of Cardinal, "Bishop", "Priest", and "Deacon". One of each is randomly selected to count the votes, one of each to read the votes, and one of each to tally the votes.
1. By seniority, they go to a specific place and write down the name of the person they are voting for and fold it up.
2. After all vote, the counters count to make sure there's the right number.
3. The readers each read the name, with the last one saying it aloud. The tallyers make their marks.
4. After the votes are all counted, the tallyers confirm with each other if anyone has a two-thirds majority. No matter how long the voting takes, 2/3 will be needed.
5. If nobody wins, they go to the second vote right away.
6. After two failed votes, they go all Fallout Boy and light it up-up-up on fire! "It" being all the ballots and any notes the cardinals may have been taking. Chemicals are added to paint it black.
7. If someone wins, after he confirms that he will accept, they burn everything but add different chemicals to make it white. Then they all have a big ol' orgy right before they open the gates.

/except for the obvious jokes, everything else there is accurate at least to what the current rules are
2013-03-12 09:39:24 AM  
1 vote:

digistil: The Vatican has already stated they want a conservative with an immense talent for manipulating the media. "Catholic" is not one of the stated requirements for current applicants.

Karl Rove is a little busy
2013-03-12 09:38:21 AM  
1 vote:

AverageAmericanGuy: I hope they pick an African.

farm8.staticflickr.comView Full Size

Pontiff X
Brother for the Virgin Mother

2013-03-12 09:29:03 AM  
1 vote:

RminusQ: Tim Tebow: I'm there right now, bro.


Is Tebow even Catholic? I thought he was evangelical of a stripe that usually considers Catholics heretics and the Hail Mary blasphemy.

No, I'm not Catholic and that just what the Catholic Church needs - a Pope who is not Catholic!
2013-03-12 09:28:42 AM  
1 vote:

Dwight_Yeast: That would be choosing a pope by unanimous acclimation, which allows them to pick any male on the planet.

It's never actually happened, but it's covered in the rules.

"And the new pope is going to be ..... Bill Upton from Gangplank Arizona"
2013-03-12 09:01:52 AM  
1 vote:
Okay, let's get this thread started! got mah checklist:

1. Picture of Father Jack / Father Dougal / Bishop Brennan
2. All priests are paedos, hate teh gheys etc.
3. Spentmiles casting his rod
4. Every 40th post is "dona a es requiem *BONK*"
5. Cardinals baseball team riff
6. I hope the next pope is black / irish / chinese / equestrine / Jeremy Irons
7. And it's black smoke from the chimney! Who let Tommy Chong in the conclave?
8. Someone guesses the number of snipe spots overlooking the balcony in St. Peter's Square
9. Name & roman numeral madlibs

Any suggestions?
2013-03-12 08:47:53 AM  
1 vote:
Why don't they just sit back and let god choose?
2013-03-12 08:32:06 AM  
1 vote:
I don't care who they pick just as long as he is great photoshop material.
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