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(Daily Mail)   Best-selling author of "What to Expect When You're Expecting" worries she would go insane if she tried to be a new mother today, what with millions of potential baby activities and overly competitive Internet moms overloading her mind   ( dailymail.co.uk) divider line
    More: Obvious, best-selling author, internet, attachment parenting  
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4178 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Mar 2013 at 9:05 AM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2013-03-11 09:39:30 AM  
2 votes:

Sudo_Make_Me_A_Sandwich: People always say they never regret their decision to have kids. I think that's probably a lie they tell themselves to deal with the fact they know they're stuck with the little brat forever.

And I quote the genius Louis CK

"You're not making an effort as a parent if you haven't given them the finger behind their backs at least three or four times"
2013-03-11 05:16:08 PM  
1 vote:
My husband and I are planning to have a kid in the next year, so we've been borrowing friends' babies for overnight babysitting/practice. The two-week-old was the worst; poor little thing cried all night until we put some techno on the subwoofer for her (the plan was just to drown it out, but it actually put her right to sleep, so we burned her folks the CD,) and the three-month-old was absolutely precious until the diarrhea started...at which point we just moved the changing pad to right by the kitchen sink and used the sprayer-thingy to hose the little fellow off. Worked pretty darn well for the five-month-old with diaper rash, too.

There was a tense moment when the ten-month-old pooped bright green, but when husband admitted to feeding her a blue Slurpee to deal with the teething pain, that made perfect sense, and it turns out babies are just as wildly entertained by birds eating at the feeder through a window or fish in a tank as cats are, so we put part of the DVD budget toward birdseed and set the baby swing near the window the sparrows like. They also like Windows Media Player or WinAmp visualizations, so I've got a projector pointed at the ceiling above the crib and connected to an old WinXP desktop to keep Future Kid amused, like a geek baby mobile that won't whack you in the teeth when you go to check on 'em. We can also line up a webcam to keep an eye on kiddo when I'm working in the next room, should the need arise. And I've heard good things about cloth diapers as well as disposables. A Costco membership and some Velcro-butt baby covers ought to solve that problem.

See, I'm a tech-support geek and husband is an engineer. We have no idea what the appropriate tactics for baby maintenance are beyond vague memories of teenage babysitting and what our moms did with our siblings, but we're really good at guessing, and while it's evident from space that we'll do things that make 'real parents' go "You...but...that...wha-huh?" it does seem like we'll figure it out with or without advice. There's some element of instinct here, that and 'whatever works is cool.'

Also, why do the friends keep offering to pay us for use of the practice babies? Seems like all they ever do while we've got 'em is sleep.
2013-03-11 02:23:57 PM  
1 vote:

orbister: "Everybody will tell you how much work it is. Nobody will tell you how much fun it is. It's tremendous fun."

Yep!  The worst thing I think about raising a child is feeding them when they start to eat solid foods.  I don't know why, I just don't like feeding another person.

Other then that, it's a blast!
2013-03-11 01:57:17 PM  
1 vote:
Which chapter is the chapter where you're told to never shut the hell up about your kid?
2013-03-11 12:46:10 PM  
1 vote:

Edward Rooney Dean of Students: Burr: Take everything you know and love about the first one...

Now, throw it out the window!

At least that is how my second one is...

That's what we've heard...

/but i don't want to...

I pretty much expected it.  My first was "too" good.  I had a sinking feeling in my gut that the second one would more then make up for him....

Then we had a red-headed girl...and the red hair seeps into her soul which I am pretty sure she stole from one of the other babies in the nursery.
2013-03-11 11:23:58 AM  
1 vote:

WhippingBoy: Anyone who hasn't considered drowning their children in a bathtub isn't actually a parent.

My daughter is 1....

I love her to death, but I am honest with people.  You will never hear the words "she is a perfect angel" out of my mouth.  She is a demon possessed, red haired tyrant who will let nothing stand in her way and we are all doomed....

Opposite of that is her brother.  He is three, slept through the night since birth, loves everybody, and is pretty laid back.  He listens, pays attention, and has manners (his first word was "Thank You")

Now, later in life, I won't have to worry about either of them when it comes to dating.  My daughter will devour the soul of any potential suitor, and my boy will be able to deal with crazy women because he had to deal with his sister....
2013-03-11 10:09:24 AM  
1 vote:

WhippingBoy: Heh... yeah... my son was 6 before his night terrors stopped. I'm still adjusting to being able to sleep through the night.
When he first started sleeping through, we'd wake him up every couple of hours to make sure he was still alive.

I remember my first morning where he slept the entire night. I woke up thinking why the hell did someone turn on the lights, not realizing it was sunshine from the window. I realized what time it was and raced into the bedroom thinking he was dead.

Primitive Screwhead: My beautiful little girl sleeps 4-5 hours for one night and then turns into a screaming angry hornet, sleeping in 1-2 hour shifts for the next three nights. Rinse. Repeat.
Mrs. Screwhead gets the worst of it since the short shifts also mean cluster-feeding.
/still very new to this parenting thing


...just saying
2013-03-11 09:47:18 AM  
1 vote:
The internet is a horrible resource for pregnant women.  My wife and I are expecting our first and we have a hard and fast rule, never ever search on the internet for anything important.  Case in point, My wife was having some pretty heavy cramping around week 8.  The resources on the web ran from it's nothing to OMG YOU'RE MISCARRYING YOU'RE A HORRIBLE MOTHER.

More often than not, it was the latter.
2013-03-11 09:44:12 AM  
1 vote:

Jim_Callahan: So... just talk to your parents and your in-laws about their issues raising you and your spouse instead of trawling the entire collective knowledge base on child rearing?

I don't know.  My MIL thought that this "newfangled" formula was Da Devil, and that we should use her recipe she used on my husband that consisted of condensed sweetened milk, Karo syrup, water.  Also, ibuprofen during teething was going to turn my son inside out, evidently, because "we didn't have those things when our kids were little."

I'd rather trawl the respectable, health-related sites as a basis to effective questioning at the doctor's office, and then go by instinct and common sense.  "What to Expect When You're Expecting" is basically the Harlequin novel of the advice world.
2013-03-11 09:43:04 AM  
1 vote:

Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?

Keep your baby well and plan its sleep properly. Treat colic properly, for God's sake, there's no need for a healthy baby to have it. Start feeding them a half-teaspoon of baby rice with their milk and sloooowly increase until they're basically on solids. Colic is intenstinal cramps because there's nothing solid in the guts to move, I'm surprised that adults have to be told this when almost all of us know what discomfort bad gas is, and how you bring it on easily with a liquid diet, high dairy, low fibre and all the other crap we expect a frigging baby to endure quietly. Don't be one of those idiots that leaves a baby with colic in the 21st century, if relieving your babies pain is not reason enough, you'll sleep because your baby can.

Other than general health and treating colic though, it's a baby. It doesn't know what sociable sleep times are. You can reduce the pain (I have a very caring and sensible friend that is still getting enough sleep to be functional, which is no mean feat as he has difficulties with a full sleep as it is) but at the end of the day, you've created a life and you will nees to wipe it's ass for years. Oh, and if its a girl in nappies and she gets diarrhea, you'll get to enjoy cleaning out your baby daughters labia. Did nobody ever tell you about that? I was laughing for ten minutes solid at the reaction of my friend when he had to do that for the first time. Priceless.
2013-03-11 09:42:09 AM  
1 vote:
It's wise to start working on that helicopter hover in the sixth month of gestation, so you'll have it mastered before you unload your kid on the daycare center at six weeks of age. Many centers require that you demonstrate the skill, along with a feigned interest in parenthood.
2013-03-11 09:37:36 AM  
1 vote:

Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?

People always say they never regret their decision to have kids. I think that's probably a lie they tell themselves to deal with the fact they know they're stuck with the little brat forever. Find a couple with a kid you like, and offer to buy it. But be sure to pay for a fake funeral so the parents don't look like dicks who sold their kids.
2013-03-11 09:37:32 AM  
1 vote:

Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?

Adopt a 25 year old with their own apartment

//someone must recognize it
2013-03-11 09:29:42 AM  
1 vote:
Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?
2013-03-11 09:07:38 AM  
1 vote:
Good lord Subby - that headline was totally accurate. Where do you think you are?
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