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(CNN)   Cardinal: Here's my two weeks' notice. Pope: No, you're fired today   ( divider line
    More: Followup, Cardinal O'Brien, St Andrews, La Repubblica, male prostitutes  
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20813 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Mar 2013 at 5:27 AM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2013-03-04 09:54:12 AM  
7 votes:
i.imgur.comView Full Size
2013-03-04 08:25:18 AM  
6 votes:


You know there is no Pope right now.

Actually, during times like this, there is a Pope. Nowadays, he's the RoboPope and he can perform most of the basic functions of the living Pope. Before technology, he was a wind up Pope that could only bless the masses or later, with the exchanging of some gears, direct traffic in Vatican Square.

Directing traffic was a responsibility that prior Popes had. They don't do have to do it anymore. Vatican Square was also a pretty busy street and people bringing goods to market would often cause traffic jams with their wagons trying to get through. One day, Pope Pius O'Flannerly the First was watching the crowds when a wagon load of meatballs (spicy) and the :14 Pasta Express Wagon met at the intersection. Each wagon tried to go through but was stopped by the other. A shouting match began and neither side was willing to budge. The pope yelled down from his window "Hey-a. Yousa Boys should-a letta the meat-ball a-wagon go! He was-a there a-first. I a-saw ti a-all fromma uppa here-a!" To which the drive of the Pasta Express wagon yelled back "Who do you-a thinka you -are? Da Pope?" The pope replied "A-yeah. I ama da Pope. Whaddaya thinka of that-a?" And the pasta wagon uy replied "Well, if-a you are da Pope. Why-a don't you-a comma downa here and-a direct-a the trafic, your holiness, eh?"

And the pope came down, started directing traffic and he was so good at it, they made it a responsibility. Now the original mechanical Pope couldn't direct traffic so when there wasn't a living Pope, the Vatican would put up an eight sided sign at each corner that read "Dead Pope". That told everyone to try and get along until a new Pope could be brought in and taught how to direct traffic. The second generation meccha Pope could direct traffic but he couldn't do drive by blessings, so something was lost there.
2013-03-04 05:09:12 AM  
4 votes:
His problem is that his "sexual conduct" appears to have been confined to other adults. Had it been kids, the Church would have been fine with it.
2013-03-04 12:35:41 AM  
4 votes:

GAT_00: He just farked guys who wanted to be priests.

He missed his calling as a movie producer.
2013-03-04 02:00:19 AM  
3 votes:
"I wish to take this opportunity to admit that there have been times that my sexual conduct has fallen below the standards expected of me as a priest, archbishop and cardinal,"

Not below the standards *I* expected!
2013-03-04 05:53:06 AM  
2 votes:
"In recent days certain allegations which have been made against me have become public. Initially, their anonymous and non-specific nature led me to contest them," O'Brien said

Oh wait, you me, THOSE homosexual advances? Thank you for the clarification. I just wasn't certain which homosexual advances you were talking about when you first said that I was hitting on priest. There were just so many, it's hard to keep them all straight.
2013-03-04 05:52:36 AM  
2 votes:

Valiente: "Offended" is probably Scots for "forcibly sodomized".

It is a bit of a faux pas.
2013-03-04 05:51:40 AM  
2 votes:

Relatively Obscure: "To those I have offended, I apologize and ask forgiveness."

You didn't just offend them, dickhead.  You didn't say something rude at a party.

"Offended" is probably Scots for "forcibly sodomized".
2013-03-03 10:47:16 PM  
2 votes:
"To those I have offended, I apologize and ask forgiveness."

You didn't just offend them, dickhead.  You didn't say something rude at a party.
2013-03-04 09:21:17 AM  
1 vote:

Relatively Obscure: "To those I have offended, I apologize and ask forgiveness."

You didn't just offend them, dickhead.  You didn't say something rude at a party.

I know that it won't happen, but I'd like nothing more than to see the complete collapse of the catholic church in my lifetime.

It almost makes me want to breed, so that at least one of my family gets to witness it directly.

If this were happening within any other global organization, how long would, say, Microsoft last? (company chosen for global market penetration exposure adoption monopoly, oh bugger fark sod it, never mind, there's no way I can't pun this to death)
2013-03-04 06:02:44 AM  
1 vote:
It would have been awesome if the then-Pope had cleaned house on his way out the door.  First he issues any changes necessary to do so under canon law, then he says "by my order as Supreme Pontiff, any cleric who has committed [insert list of crimes] is hereby dismissed from the clerical state and all rights, powers, offices, roles, and delegated power in the Church, and is excommunicated from the Church.  The power to modify the effects of this order on any person is expressly reserved to the Apostolic See."  I'm sure there's a Farker out there with a GED in canon law to clean this up,

Maybe there would be a little more elbow room at the conclave.
2013-03-04 05:55:05 AM  
1 vote:
 If he had just stuck to sheep like the rest of the Scots, there would be no controversy..
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