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(The Daily News - Longview)   Longview, Washington installs third squirrel bridge today   ( tdn.com) divider line
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    More: Spiffy, Longview, Sandbaggers  
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5755 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Feb 2013 at 12:23 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



45 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener
2013-02-02 10:35:36 AM  
Behold the power of... something.
 
SnarfVader
2013-02-02 11:51:43 AM  
That's nuts.
 
Pugdaddyk
2013-02-02 12:28:39 PM  
What a Dick
 
BumpInTheNight
2013-02-02 12:31:36 PM  

SnarfVader: That's nuts.


*shakes tiny fist*
 
stoikka
2013-02-02 12:33:21 PM  
Couldn't they just use a stick?
 
Happy Hours
2013-02-02 12:35:22 PM  
I'm just curious as to whether they'll put up signs directing squirrels where they should cross.

Or will this just be a form of unnatural selection to weed out those too stupid to use the bridge?
 
95629
2013-02-02 12:37:00 PM  
What is this, a bridge for squirrels?  How are they going to travel good if they can't even fit on top?  It needs to be at least 3 times bigger!
 
johnny queso
2013-02-02 12:37:46 PM  
i demolished my car on a patch of black ice in longview while attempting to drive from seattle to phoenix.
there is an insanely hot playboy playmate from longview whose name escapes me.
don't know anything about the squirrels of longview.
 
styckx [TotalFark]
2013-02-02 12:40:22 PM  
Sometimes the squirrels smoke buffets the moon like a Dentek pick in your teeth of Fresca soda. Although when the AA batteries get the moon rake out of the show the Acer netbooks really show how hamburger container they are.. Youknowhaisain?
 
johnny queso
2013-02-02 12:41:07 PM  
 
Madman drummers bummers [TotalFark]
2013-02-02 12:41:24 PM  
Three in one day?
 
crazytrain
2013-02-02 12:43:27 PM  
The bridge should be designed to try and electrocute, drop, smack, etc. the squirrels like one of those Japanese game shows. Hey, it would beat what my FIL used to do - trap the little bastards then put the whole trap and squirrel into a chest freezer. He'd wake up early on trash day and slip them into the trash frozen like a rock.
 
EightyEight
2013-02-02 12:43:33 PM  
I hate those little tree rats but it wasn't always that way. I used to feed them, until one of the greedy little farks decided to chew through a screen to let himself in while i was at work. That furry tailed ahole ruined a couch, two sets of drapes, ate the bottom out of several food containers, scratched up the floors, and made a mess of the whole house. He may have made my life suck for a short time but I ended his.

/tree rats are the debil Bobby Boucher.
 
Wendolyn the Wired
2013-02-02 12:44:27 PM  
Why don't they just hang a bird feeder in the middle of the problematic expanse?  They won't be able to keep the MFers away.
 
johnny queso
2013-02-02 12:44:56 PM  
damn, apparently she wrecked her car in longview as well.
 
deadsanta
2013-02-02 12:50:37 PM  
Next up: climate controlled subway tunnels for local rats and elderly androids for automated pigeon feeding!
 
portnoyd
2013-02-02 12:52:02 PM  
I think I'll petition to open up a Department of Way Too Much Free Time in my town too.
 
gravy chugging cretin.
2013-02-02 01:05:49 PM  

Madman drummers bummers: Three in one day?


in a row?  try not to install any more squirrel bridges on your way through the parking lot.
 
20/20
2013-02-02 01:06:14 PM  
Impressive bridge, but I wouldn't want to encourage making life any easier for squirrels. I think they're just a nuisance, and this spring I'm thinking about a catch and relocate for the little fockers in my yard. They dig up my lawn, and the neighbor's dogs bark at them.
 
Bikuh
2013-02-02 01:06:17 PM  
They wouldn't require bridges if they were flying squirrels. In order for flying squirrels to get more nookie, North Carolina installed flying squirrel launches across the Cherohala Skyway.
 
Shmeat
2013-02-02 01:08:25 PM  
oi50.tinypic.comView Full Size
 
thenooch
2013-02-02 01:29:45 PM  
Longview is a farked up city designed in the shape of a wagon wheel by Mormons.

/fark you longview
 
verbal_jizm
2013-02-02 01:31:17 PM  

portnoyd: I think I'll petition to open up a Department of Way Too Much Free Time in my town too.


If you ever spend any time in Kelso/Longview you'll understand why people need to find things to keep them occupied.
 
Diogenes Teufelsdrockh
2013-02-02 01:42:12 PM  
 Knowing Longview, they'll put the world's fastest lights on the bridge and umpteen red light cameras to ticket the squirrels.

Then violate the law by keeping them after the people vote them down courtesy major graft from the camera company.

Before cutting down the trees the bridge is hung from to keep some council member's brother-in-law's tree trimming outfit busy.

/Major corruption in that city council. It's Little Chicago.
 
SnarfVader
2013-02-02 02:12:23 PM  
If the CRC designed it, the bridge would have squirrel light rail and be 10 feet too low for trucks to pass under it.

/And cost $3 billion.
 
durbnpoisn
2013-02-02 02:35:19 PM  
For all of you squirrel lovers out there...  I actually have one in my yard that comes up and knocks on my back door to ask for food.  I've actually got him trained to take bread from my hand.

My kids named him Nutley McSquirrelSquirrel.  And it has become a daily routine, while making lunches in the morning, to hold one slice of bread aside.  At some point, someone will say, "Nutley's here".

Btw, if you're interested...  Squirrel claws are SHARP.  I held on to the bread too long one time, and he grabbed my hand by accident.  It's no wonder they can navigate trees as they do.
 
Mikeyworld
2013-02-02 03:13:17 PM  

thenooch: Longview is a farked up city designed in the shape of a wagon wheel by Mormons.

/fark you longview


Longview doesn't have a wagon-wheel shape any more than you have a greased hub on your pinhead. Google it; it follows the river like all good river towns should.

/some Dick Love: John's dead, the wife's Dianne.
 
Nogale [TotalFark]
2013-02-02 05:02:29 PM  
What, squirrels there can't use power lines and phone lines like they do everywhere else?
 
Caller Number 5
2013-02-02 05:03:03 PM  
We already have those in our town. They're called power lines.
 
unyon [TotalFark]
2013-02-02 05:30:35 PM  

Nogale: What, squirrels there can't use power lines and phone lines like they do everywhere else?


That's what I was thinking as I watch one scurrying along the power line outside just now.  This is a pretty ritzy bridge, though, and will probably pass for somewhat of a tourist attraction.
 
bratface
2013-02-02 05:48:20 PM  

styckx: Sometimes the squirrels smoke buffets the moon like a Dentek pick in your teeth of Fresca soda. Although when the AA batteries get the moon rake out of the show the Acer netbooks really show how hamburger container they are.. Youknowhaisain?


This made my head ache.
 
lelio
2013-02-02 05:54:24 PM  
The bridges are for people, they are just really small in Longview.
 
theprinceofwands
2013-02-02 08:01:06 PM  
Longview resident, checking in to answer questions and express pride in our "uniqueness".  8-)
 
zombieshateme
2013-02-02 08:08:37 PM  
Longview resident reporting for squirrel questions go ahead and ask i'll likely not answer them anyway. besides there's only an acorn of truth to what we do here.
 
Satan's Dumptruck Driver
2013-02-02 08:33:54 PM  

Happy Hours: I'm just curious as to whether they'll put up signs directing squirrels where they should cross.

Or will this just be a form of unnatural selection to weed out those too stupid to use the bridge?


There were supposed to be squirrel bridges on the road leading to the summit of Mt. Graham in southern AZ. The intention was to prevent the mountain's endangered red squirrels from being run-over by vehicles. I guess they were going to bait the bridges with food to get the squirrels to use them.

Obviously the best way to prevent animals from being run over in the wilderness is to bait a structure next to the road.
 
Mitt Romneys Tax Return
2013-02-02 08:45:31 PM  
Longview's first squirrel bridge.

pgilston.smugmug.comView Full Size
 
Romans 7 19
2013-02-02 09:24:47 PM  
Longview resident reporting in to answer...Yes, Longview is a planned city.  But I have no idea what the mormans have to do with it.
 
theprinceofwands
2013-02-02 09:41:56 PM  
Yeah, not sure what's up with all that...R. A. Long was a Disciple of Christ (not to mention a ranking member of the KKK). Not aware of any Mormon connections. And yes, the original city was built as a wagon wheel, though not a perfect one and it has since evolved well beyond that.
 
Medic Zero
2013-02-02 10:13:24 PM  

durbnpoisn: For all of you squirrel lovers out there...  I actually have one in my yard that comes up and knocks on my back door to ask for food.  I've actually got him trained to take bread from my hand.

My kids named him Nutley McSquirrelSquirrel.  And it has become a daily routine, while making lunches in the morning, to hold one slice of bread aside.  At some point, someone will say, "Nutley's here".

Btw, if you're interested...  Squirrel claws are SHARP.  I held on to the bread too long one time, and he grabbed my hand by accident.  It's no wonder they can navigate trees as they do.


Heh! Thanks for sharing!

I've got two that climb sideways about a dozen feet across the surface of our apartment building (little embedded rocks) to our 2nd story balcony to get peanuts. They spotted the peanuts I was leaving out for the braver crows to come get off the balcony. I've named them Squirrelington and Scampersworth! It's crazy to seem them scramble across the side of the building. One of them shows up almost every morning. The cat loves the free entertainment just the other side of the sliding glass door.

I can't open the door enough to let the cat out, so haven't tried hand feeding them, but he'll hang out just a foot away while I open the sliding glass door a few inches to toss him a peanut, and come get them right in front of the glass. The female(?, it's smaller) one is shyer.
 
Benjimin_Dover
2013-02-02 10:55:41 PM  

Mitt Romneys Tax Return: Longview's first squirrel bridge.


I was going to say that now that they told people that it was made of copper, how long before copper scrappers swipe it. But then I see that Wikipedia says it's made of aluminum. I wonder who is right.
 
plutonium238
2013-02-02 11:48:47 PM  

durbnpoisn: For all of you squirrel lovers out there...  I actually have one in my yard that comes up and knocks on my back door to ask for food.  I've actually got him trained to take bread from my hand.

My kids named him Nutley McSquirrelSquirrel.  And it has become a daily routine, while making lunches in the morning, to hold one slice of bread aside.  At some point, someone will say, "Nutley's here".

Btw, if you're interested...  Squirrel claws are SHARP.  I held on to the bread too long one time, and he grabbed my hand by accident.  It's no wonder they can navigate trees as they do.


Cheers! I used to have a momma squirrel around the property aptly named "Mama" and she would inform me it was time for breakfast by jumping on the back screen door and flashing some squirrel boobies. Nothing shy about her, if the door was open she would get brave and venture to the top step of the back porch and stand tall reminding me she was here. Good times and great memories with a fuzzy friend.
 
doofusgumby [BareFark]
2013-02-03 06:00:25 AM  

Benjimin_Dover: Mitt Romneys Tax Return: Longview's first squirrel bridge.

I was going to say that now that they told people that it was made of copper, how long before copper scrappers swipe it. But then I see that Wikipedia says it's made of aluminum. I wonder who is right.


well, that's even more valuable as scrap, so expect it to be gone soon.
 
Benjimin_Dover
2013-02-03 10:38:03 AM  

doofusgumby: Benjimin_Dover: Mitt Romneys Tax Return: Longview's first squirrel bridge.

I was going to say that now that they told people that it was made of copper, how long before copper scrappers swipe it. But then I see that Wikipedia says it's made of aluminum. I wonder who is right.

well, that's even more valuable as scrap, so expect it to be gone soon.


I was thinking that it was but when I went out and looked before I posted, I saw copper at 2 bucks and change per pound and aluminum at under a buck. No wonder people are literally risking their lives to steal the stuff.
 
Happy Hours
2013-02-03 02:06:25 PM  

Satan's Dumptruck Driver: Happy Hours: I'm just curious as to whether they'll put up signs directing squirrels where they should cross.

Or will this just be a form of unnatural selection to weed out those too stupid to use the bridge?

There were supposed to be squirrel bridges on the road leading to the summit of Mt. Graham in southern AZ. The intention was to prevent the mountain's endangered red squirrels from being run-over by vehicles. I guess they were going to bait the bridges with food to get the squirrels to use them.

Obviously the best way to prevent animals from being run over in the wilderness is to bait a structure next to the road.


Yeah - I remember the AZ squirrel bridges too and had the same question.  I've seen squirrels cross the road before and they are aware that there are these big things barreling down the highway but they're pretty fast so I think they usually make it.

I also remember somewhere they built a tunnel for turtles.  That's even odder because turtles seem oblivious to cars.

I remember one time I pulled over on the highway and saw a turtle on the shoulder intent on crossing.  I picked it up and put it in the grass facing away from the road.   That's probably very naive on my part.  I wouldn't be surprised if the turtle just turned around and proceeded to cross the road only this time very annoyed that I had interfered with its progress.

What if the turtle was suicidal?  If so, I bet that really depressed it even more.
 
Benjimin_Dover
2013-02-03 09:41:48 PM  

Happy Hours: What if the turtle was suicidal? If so, I bet that really depressed it even more.


If your name was Cecil, I'm not sure you can get any more depressed or suicidal.
 
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