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(This is not true.)   Caption the Iraqi Information Minister commenting on today's news   ( divider line
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13731 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Dec 2003 at 1:26 PM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2003-12-14 01:27:35 PM  
"I, for one, would like to welcome our new leader, Mr. Bush, with open arms."
2003-12-14 01:29:11 PM  
"They infidel American forces will burn in the pits of Hell after mighty Sadaam unleases his wrath on them. God willing."
2003-12-14 01:29:51 PM  
Saddam captured? What? No, I'm having tea with him right now.
2003-12-14 01:29:58 PM  
"Iraq is in jubilation as our fearless Republican Guard has captured the evil former dictator, George W. Bush, in a bunker near Kennebunkport today."
2003-12-14 01:30:18 PM  
"I would like the Iraqi people to know that today we have acheived a great victory. DNA tests have confirmed American president George W. Bush was captured by Iraqi forces. He was discovered hiding in a 'spider hole' under a house in the farmlands of Texas, where he grew up." ^_^
2003-12-14 01:30:31 PM  
"This was not Saddam that they captured today. The American infidels shot down Santa's sleigh and are holding Santa and his reindeer captive."
2003-12-14 01:30:32 PM  
"You have no chance to survive, Saddam, so make your time"
2003-12-14 01:30:37 PM  
"Saddam Hussein will CRUSH and BURN the lice that has been growing in his hair!"
2003-12-14 01:30:38 PM  
"This is not true. The American infidels have captured Jerry Garcia, not Sadaam, God willing."
2003-12-14 01:31:11 PM  
"No, my hand does not look like it is disappearing! It is a lie! My hand is entirely here and looks normal."
2003-12-14 01:31:19 PM  
"These Americans are lying swine! Our leader is safe and at this very moment directing our glorious army crushing the testicles of the colonial American army in an embarassing loss!

Okay, this press conference is over. Seriously, I gotta get the fark out of here right now."
2003-12-14 01:31:42 PM  
"Howard Dean for President!"
2003-12-14 01:32:04 PM  
"You will not vote for the above submission"
2003-12-14 01:32:06 PM  
"At this very moment our glorious leader, Saddam Hussein, is infiltrating the imperial and evil US government. While he poses as a wild prisoner who just lived in a hole for 3 months, it is merely a ruse! Allah willing, Saddam will single handedly destory...What! It's time my medicine already? Oh alright, I quit"
2003-12-14 01:32:09 PM  
"Its A Trap"
2003-12-14 01:32:33 PM  
Unfortunately, that was just a double. We quickly realized that Saddam is in another hole with Osama Bin Laden, weapons inspectors will be surveying Afghanistan on Monday.
2003-12-14 01:33:08 PM  
"This is not true. The infidel American pigs have not captured Saddam. He is safe in Iraq from the Zionist dogs...yadda yadda yadda...lobster bisque."
2003-12-14 01:34:49 PM  
"There are no cameras or microphones here .... This is NOT a Press Conference!!"
2003-12-14 01:35:03 PM  
"Ohhhhhhhh, that Saddam. Why didn't you just ask me?"

now with chewy voting goodness
2003-12-14 01:36:21 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

Saddam Hussein, god bless him, was trying to prepare gifts for delivery on the 25th. The Iraqi children look forward to getting presents from Saddam Hussein. The Infidels get Coal!
2003-12-14 01:36:44 PM  
"I.....uh...Allah!...uh....ARRGH! This script is cameldung! I don't believe it, you don't believe it. I'm not saying this crap any more! If you want me I'll be in Vegas. I'll be the one drinking Scotch, eating bacon and trying to score with a skanky whore!"
2003-12-14 01:37:02 PM  
"Sadaam would never surrender - they captured some frenchman."
2003-12-14 01:37:40 PM  
"Saddam has sucessfully infiltrated the enemy, and walks among them with impunity. It is now that the real battle begins, as our glorious leader destroys the infidels from within."
2003-12-14 01:38:22 PM  
Our lord Saddam Hussein has just received the blessing of Allah and ascended to the rank of Dark Lord, his power only surpassed by the holy one himself. He has stolen the soul of the infidel George W. Bush and has turned the entire American populace into lepers.

One day I watched Saddam put on his shoes and run to the moon.

2003-12-14 01:38:26 PM  
"I suppose you could say that everyone has a Saddam. For some, shyness may be Saddam. For others, lack of education may be a Saddam. But for us, Saddam is a large ugly man who wants to kill us!"
2003-12-14 01:38:56 PM  
"Today I would like to announce that Santa Claus has been found! His 3 week bender ended him up in Iraq where he was captured and taken back to the north pole."
2003-12-14 01:43:24 PM  
Hey Mr. Bruce Willis, where is my money?
2003-12-14 01:46:06 PM  
"The infidels have not captured Saddam, they have mistakenly captured Geraldo and Walt Whitman. Praise Allah!"
2003-12-14 01:46:51 PM  
"In the words of infidel American soldier dogs, that's shocking."

[image from too old to be available]
2003-12-14 01:48:11 PM  
"Our glorious leader Saddam has not been captured by the American pig-dogs.

In another, completely unrelated note, I am pleased to announce that I am taking a new post as PR man for the Chicago Bears. We are a strong team, ordained by God, and will soon be victorious in the battle for the Super Bowl, Allah willing. The Minnesota Viking infidel Randy Moss is not in our end zone. Those purple Zionists are not even on the field. Allah be praised!"
2003-12-14 01:54:01 PM  
"do ya want fries with that?"
2003-12-14 01:54:21 PM  
"He like totally, crapped his pants, when that US soldier opened the lid to his hiding place....."
2003-12-14 01:56:05 PM  
"I....was raised by a cup of coffee."
2003-12-14 01:56:57 PM  
"My dear Iraqi people. I have been drunk for 198 days. In that time, I have smoked so much hookah that I can no longer feel my major extremities. I have not been able to stand and pee for several weeks now. I am trapped in a psychedelic Muslim hell; a 24-hour-a-day drug-induced purple haze of delusion, self-loathing and embarrassment for my own country.

On the upside, I have been notified that all of this qualifies me as an honorary member of the Great and Holy American Democratic Party, which lifts my spirits greatly.

Hussein is lost. I can admit it. But let me give you a NEW revelation, great people of Iraq, as true as anything I have ever told you! Bush will lose in 2004, Allah willing! He will be crushed by the glorious Democrats, who fought so hard to keep me and my party in power here for as long as possible. We are eternally grateful to them for the comfort and support that they provided us. During the dark days before the war when Hussein was considering exile. You uplifted us. When we considered capitulating to the UN, you were there!!! You gave us hope! We salute you! We praise you!

I can't feel my fingers."
2003-12-14 01:58:25 PM  
"Do you feel safer yet?"
2003-12-14 01:59:09 PM  
That is not Saddam, That is in fact the actor known as Grizzly Adams. The infidels will pay.
2003-12-14 01:59:45 PM  
"Our glorious leader humbly accepts the surrender of the entire allied force."
2003-12-14 02:01:46 PM  
"So, is that, like 'suh-dom' or 'sah-dam'?"
2003-12-14 02:03:13 PM  
"Saddam captured? Cool. Huh? No, I'm not going to make anything up. Seriously, you guys know that was just a job, right?"
2003-12-14 02:08:25 PM  
i was watching oprah...she had on christian slater...what did i miss?
2003-12-14 02:09:06 PM  
"These rumors are utter falsehoods. The blind hunter has never shot ANY deer."
2003-12-14 02:12:22 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-12-14 02:13:32 PM  
"It is my belief that Michael Jackson did not touch those children."
2003-12-14 02:21:51 PM  
"Now that Saddam is captured, I gotta get this off my chest...(looks around nervously)...I haven't been entirely straightforward with you all."
2003-12-14 02:23:48 PM  
"Today did not occur."
2003-12-14 02:23:51 PM  
"Sigh. You know, my heart's just not into it anymore. Saddam what? Know what I'm hungry for right now? A bagel. I'm going to have a nice bagel, right now. Mmmmm, bagel."
2003-12-14 02:24:39 PM  
"LeBron James scored 37, but the Celtics beat the Cavs. There is no other news today."
2003-12-14 02:24:41 PM  
"No. I was not, nor was I ever, under the employ of Saddam Hussein. I have never met that man in my life."
2003-12-14 02:29:37 PM  
"Saddam? Captured? Never! Saddam Hussein is still our great leader of Iraq, and will continue to be forever our great leader of Iraq! He has not been captured! He will never be captured! Long live Saddam Hussein!"

(Doors burst open, gunfire is heard)

"Oh, no! Saddam, my lord, saaaave meeeeee..."
2003-12-14 02:33:32 PM  
"I'm sorry, Mario, but Saddam is in another castle!"
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