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(TMZ)   Dear Abby column replaced by obituary   ( divider line
    More: Sad, Pauline Phillips, Abigail Van Buren, advice column, Ann Landers  
•       •       •

15141 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Jan 2013 at 5:55 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-01-17 06:05:38 PM  
15 votes:
Dear Abby:

I have been engaged for almost a year. I am to be married next month. My fiancee's mother is not only very attractive but really great and understanding. She is putting the entire wedding together and invited me to her place to go over the invitation list because it had grown a bit beyond what we had expected it to be.

When I got to her place we reviewed the list and trimmed it down to just under a hundred ... then she floored me. She said that in a month I would be a married man and that before that happened, she wanted to have sex with me. Then she just stood up and walked to her bedroom and on her way said that I knew where the front door was if I wanted to leave.

I stood there for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew exactly how to deal with this situation. I headed straight out the front door...

There, leaning against my car was her husband, my father-in-law to be. He was smiling. He explained that they just wanted to be sure I was a good kid and would be true to their little girl. I shook his hand and he congratulated me on passing their little test.

Abby, should I tell my fiancee' what her parents did, and that I thought their "little test" was asinine and insulting to my character?

Or should I keep the whole thing to myself including the fact that the reason I was walking out to my car was to get a condom?
2013-01-17 05:57:38 PM  
5 votes:
Dear Abby,

I find myself paralyzed by fear and unable to make even the smallest decisions for myself, choosing instead to rely entirely on the guidance of others. What should I do?
2013-01-17 05:57:02 PM  
4 votes:

fusillade762: My boyfriend watches too much porn, what should I do??

Correct your definition of "too much"
2013-01-17 06:37:18 PM  
3 votes:
sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.netView Full Size
2013-01-17 06:10:55 PM  
3 votes: Full Size

RIP Abby...Someone
2013-01-18 12:42:39 AM  
2 votes:
Dear Abby:

I am an ax murderer.

One of my sisters is married to an ax murderer . My father and mother have recently been arrested for being ax murderers. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are ax murderers.

I have two brothers: one is currently serving a life sentence for the ax murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of attempting to ax murder his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former ax murderer. She is a part time ax murderer.

All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her. Should I tell her about my cousin who is a TFer?


Worried About My Reputation
2013-01-17 07:01:38 PM  
2 votes:
thedroidyourelookingfor.files.wordpress.comView Full Size

hot, like his still-beating heart
2013-01-17 06:00:18 PM  
2 votes:
For the humor lacking in the headline above, I refer you to the good folks at
2013-01-17 05:33:05 PM  
2 votes:
Dear Abby: Does the valance go over or under the blanket in a casket?

There was just so much material to mine...

I liked that cheeky old lady.
2013-01-18 03:20:08 AM  
1 vote: Full Size
2013-01-17 08:47:02 PM  
1 vote:
chicagomaroon.comView Full Size


2013-01-17 07:02:23 PM  
1 vote:

ProfessorOhki: Dear Abby,

I find myself paralyzed by fear and unable to make even the smallest decisions for myself, choosing instead to rely entirely on the guidance of others. What should I do?

Vote for Obama, he will do your thinking for you.
2013-01-17 06:52:58 PM  
1 vote:
I have a rare copy of the column where she advises a woman to commit suicide.
2013-01-17 06:31:48 PM  
1 vote:
I would have still loved to tear that old grilled cheese sandwich apart, even if it did look like 5 miles of bad road. Now that I think about it, I would still do it. Nothing like cracking open a cold one.

Is this normal?
2013-01-17 06:25:45 PM  
1 vote:

2013-01-17 06:13:28 PM  
1 vote:
Dear Abby: My husband and I disagree about the color we should paint our living room, I say it should be seafoam green and he says it should be Pantone 3268, what do you think? -Signed Seaing Green in Seattle

Dear Seaing Green In Seattle: Have you tried braaains? I always think BRAAAAAAAAINS are appropriate, send me your BRAAAAAAAINS c/o this newspaper and you won't have to worry about this anymore. BRAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIINSSSSSSSSSSSS!
2013-01-17 06:05:07 PM  
1 vote:
I thought she died years ago, or was that her evil twin?
2013-01-17 06:03:34 PM  
1 vote:
TMZ? Did she die in Lindsey Lohan's VIP club booth?
2013-01-17 05:52:26 PM  
1 vote:
My boyfriend watches too much porn, what should I do??
2013-01-17 05:13:07 PM  
1 vote:
I'm surprised nobody submitted 'Dead Abby' as a headline.

because that would be oh-so clever and witty and original and fresh and not expected at all.
2013-01-17 03:13:56 PM  
1 vote:
Sadly, this is the best submission of the bunch.
Displayed 21 of 21 comments

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