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(Huffington Post)   How to tell if you've watched too much Downton Abbey   ( huffingtonpost.com) divider line
    More: PSA, catfights  
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4126 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 07 Jan 2013 at 12:13 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2013-01-07 03:30:20 PM  
3 votes:
If you can picture all of this in your head then here's TRULY how you know you've watched too much Downton Abbey:

(intro with important sounding period theme music)

(scene of 1920s vehicle pulling up in gravel driveway to Downton Abbey)

(footman help Dowager into the house)

Dowager: Oh there's so much to talk about, let's have luncheon later today.
Earl Grantham: I cannot make promises, there is so much walking around I must do today.
Dowager: (insert clever quip about walking here)

(switch scene to downstairs)

Random new footman: Wanna play doctor?
Daisy: WOT?
Mrs Patmore: Get to work, you!
Daisy: WOT WOT?

(switch scene to Crawley's house)

Mrs Crawley: I hope to change everything in this town!
Matthew: Mother I don't care.
(knock on door)
Dowager: Shall we do luncheon?
Mrs Crawley: Oh shiznit here we go!
Dowager: (insert clever quip about shiznit)

(switch scene back to downstairs)

Mr. Carson: There will be a big luncheon today, so everyone start acting professional!
Thomas: Blah blah blah
Bates: I'll beat you up, sir.
Anna: No don't you'll get put in gaol (Mrs. Hughes: Nobody is going anywhere, now let's get to work.
(everyone gasps)

(switch scene to sitting room)

Lady Grantham: Dear what are we to do about our daughters:?
Lord Grantham: Do what?
Lady Grantham: Mary doesn't have babby yet
Lord Grantham: Matthew's winky doesn't work, so the doctor tells me.
Lady Grantham: Oh. Well, anyway Edith has a job in London now.
Lord Grantham: WOT WOT?

(scene at dinner)

Edith: I've got a job in London.
Dowager: (insert clever quip about women having jobs but with a longing look that suggests women should have jobs)
Branson: In Ireland nobody has jobs because the English won't let us have one.
Mary: (glares)
Matthew: Let's go have a drink ol' chap.
(new footman drops fork)
Everyone: WOT WOT?

(scene downstairs)

O'Brien: You caused the new footman to drop the fork!
Thomas: Prove it.
O'Brien: I'll kill you in your sleep.
Thomas: Nuh uh!
Anna: I thought you two were thick as thieves?
Bates: I'll kill you Thomas.

(scene in saloon)
Lord Grantham: I'll have to sack everyone to pay the bills.
Matthew: No sir I have a solution!
Lord Grantham: Nonsense!
Branson: Just listen to him please sir!
Lord Grantham: (stomps off)

(scene in bedroom)
Lady Grantham: I must have luncheon tomorrow.
Lord Grantham: Matthew saved us again but I acted quite badly to him.
Lady Grantham: Mary will handle it.
Lord Grantham: Oh good. Goodnight.
(Dowager bursts in the door)
Dowager: (insert clever quip about vaginas solving everything)

End Credits
2013-01-07 01:30:00 PM  
2 votes:
I watch the urban remake "Downtown Abbey" on BET.
2013-01-07 02:35:50 PM  
1 vote:

duckpoopy: Matthew dies and Mary has a baby boy.

Spoiler: In Season 5, Lady Mary begins working as a governess.
upload.wikimedia.orgView Full Size
2013-01-07 02:32:19 PM  
1 vote:
Also, 3rd season spoiler guy is soooo neato....jackass


I read the reviews in the Brit papers when it broadcasted there, so I couldn't help myself from reading ahead. But they didn't reveal *everything*, like what happens to the head maid with breast cancer, and a few other things.

I did enjoy the ex-chaffuer Tom, going off at dinner. I would have so picked up one of those silver soup thingys and bonked-bonked him on the head. As an Irish-American, I know he had a point, but jeez, at the dinner table? Really? Such things are to be addressed in the drawing room, over cigars and Port, best not to upset the ladies, really....
2013-01-07 01:32:42 PM  
1 vote:

JustHereForThePics: duckpoopy: Matthew dies and Mary has a baby boy.

Fathered by the Turk?

I still blame him for giving Constantinople the works. (Not that it's any of my business, or anyone else's for that matter.)
2013-01-07 01:23:00 PM  
1 vote:
Wow, that was lame. You don't like the show, we get it. Do be a bit more clever next time.

Also, 3rd season spoiler guy is soooo neato....jackass
2013-01-07 01:15:27 PM  
1 vote:
#11. You start fantasizing about Lady Edith?

/not me, of course.
2013-01-07 12:50:05 PM  
1 vote:
I was disappointed with Shirley, thought she played it too broadly. That scene when she was slopping food into her pie-hole was beyond overdone. Also, her face is so wrecked that Maggie Smith looks like a dewy-faced ingenue in comparison.
2013-01-07 12:43:19 PM  
1 vote:
As god as my witness, I always thought it was Downtown Abby.

/Never actually read the name!
2013-01-07 12:30:44 PM  
1 vote:
FTA: 1) Each time the scene shifts to Bates in prison, you hope for an Oz-style riot.
2) Whenever Matthew protests he can't inherit money from his ex-fiancee's father because it would be "wrong," you imagine Lady Mary braining him with a vase.

Yes. Both of these. Goddamn it, Matthew. You'd live with Mary hating you for not saving her family rather than take an inheritance that was given to you? (Though, shiat, they had a perfectly good other mansion.)

And, I hope Bates gets killed in prison so we can just be done with his sorry story. I used to want Anna and him to have a happy ending, but the misery has just dragged on too long.
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