If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Opposing Views)   Tired of tedious discipline methods like grounding or time outs? Why not try waterboarding?   ( opposingviews.com) divider line
    More: Dumbass, William Province, waterboarding, idea, Jefferson County, Idaho, disciplines, CPS  
•       •       •

5296 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Jan 2013 at 12:38 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-01-07 01:13:25 PM  
4 votes:
Thanks for the unrepressed memory.

1966 - Summer

I heard my father's footsteps approaching. Maybe he was going after Jason. He'd been a part of this too. But no. I heard the keys jingle outside the closet and the door burst open. The light burned my eyes and I recoiled back. As images began to get clearer, I saw that he had brought his 'helpers' with him. The sisters! They grabbed me and kicked my legs out from under me. The oldest sister gave me in Indian burn on my arm. "Cooperate" she said. That's all the sisters ever said.


They dragged me in to the bathroom. I could see that the tub was half full. My kid brother was soaking in the water. I knew instantly what they meant. Pee-pee. The kid couldn't hold his bladder in a squirt gun war. "Harry. Look at me" dad said.

The sisters immediately twisted my arms and turned me to face him. He was smoking those damn Pall Mall cigarettes. They came in a plastic style pack. "Harry. Mrs. Benson said you were playing on her porch glider and you broke it. If that's true, we'll have to replace it. That's a very expensive problem, Harry. Were you on Mrs. Benson's porch glider today between 2 and 4 pm?

"It was already broken!" I blurted out.

"That is not a proper answer to the QUESTION!" dad yelled. Instantly, my head was pushed in to the water Cold water and pee pee surrounded me. I wanted to struggle but the sisters had me locked in. My head swung from side to side and it thrashed in a desperate attempt to find me air or at least non pee-pee water. It was hopeless. Things grew dark. "The coroner reported that he had pee pee in his lungs" I heard my best friend tell his classmates in the near future. And they all laughed. "Pee pee!"

A moment later and my lungs would have burst. I was suddenly back in to the world with air. "Answer the question and all this will end now" dad said calmly. "Look. You are getting your dear sisters wet with all your splashing about. Now answer the question."

I was terrified of him. I was terrified of the sisters and I was even more terrified of that pee-pee water. I froze.

One millimeter before my head went in to that pee pee and water solution I blurted out "Yes!" I was thrust back up. "Now. How hard was that, Harry? Your accomplices. I want names and I want them now." Dad flipped a small book out of his shirt pocket. His pen was at the ready.

Maybe I didn't start talking soon enough or it was just the sisters being sisters because they twisted my arms even harder. I swear I heard tendons straining. I gave him all the names of the kids who were there. Even the kids who didn't touch the accursed device. And I followed up the list with this statement: "It was already broken when we got there! We put the glider back up on the hangers but it broke right away. We barely touched it!"

"But you were there. You've admitted that to me in front of these witnesses" dad said calmly. He closed his notebook up and put it back in his pocket. He clicked his ball point pen closed and also put it in his pocket." To the sisters, he said "get this one out of my sight."

They dragged me down stairs and to the back door. At the top of the porch, they stood me up on my feet, laughed and together pushed me down the stairs on to the sidewalk. I stood up and looked around. There were other kids out that night. Some of them were playing. Others, like me were just happy to be alive. Randy was there. His dad liked the old style of putting on boxing gloves and punching him until he 'fess up. I walked over to him and sat down.

"I sold you out" I said quietly.
"That's okay," Randy said. He turned to look at me. His dad had really worked Randy's left eye. It was swollen shut. "I sold you out too."

Throughout the neighborhood, there were other cries. Names being yelled. Mrs. Benson got her new glider and the cost was borne by many but we never went near it again.
2013-01-07 02:11:46 PM  
3 votes:
Waterboarding has got to be the weirdest torture going. The only real danger is a fear induced heart attack. It doesn't look scary in the least when you see it being performed. Yet even if you understand 100% that you're in no physical danger going into it, it still causes a primal "ZOMG I'm gonna die" fear that just can't be reasoned with. It's the kind of torture that you can watch and think "I'd be able to withstand that indefinitely" yet 30 seconds into it and you'll be crying like a schoolgirl looking at her first cock. Everyone I've ever talked to who has gone through it has pretty much said the same thing. You go into it thinking "how can this even be torture" and leave it thinking "I'd suck a homeless guy's dick if it would make it stop".

Its one of those things part of you wants to try just to see how bad it can possibly be... the waterboarding that is, not the sucking a homeless guy's dick.
2013-01-07 12:44:50 PM  
3 votes:
As the parent of a 2-year old who just poured apple juice into his mother's laptop, I'm fine with a little waterboarding right this moment.
2013-01-07 11:44:53 AM  
3 votes:
Waterboarding... pshaw - whatever happened to good, ole timey tried-and-true conservative punishments like broomhandle sodomy, public pillories and stoning...

/ Especially stoning - keeps the uppity, women and children in their places, yo
2013-01-07 02:19:01 PM  
2 votes:
So would water boarding be worse or better than being farked in the ass by a filthy homeless transvestite schoolgirl cheerleader with a massive dick? Enquiring minds want to know.

What I do in my free time is nobody's business but my own.
2013-01-07 10:22:28 AM  
2 votes:
We call this 'enhanced disciplinary action' in my household.
2013-01-07 02:26:51 PM  
1 vote:
".... and when we got home, our father would kill us and dance about on our graves singing hallelujah."
2013-01-07 01:21:43 PM  
1 vote:

Evil Mackerel: xria: Weaver95: if you are an authoritarian, you'd have a difficult time convicting someone of waterboarding/treating waterboarding as a crime without contradicting your belief that its not a crime when the US government does it to suspected terrorists.

It's okay when we do it (tm)

Anyone says waterboarding is ok should have to go through the procedure.

i've offered to water board any/all fark independents who defend the practice or who think it's harmless.  nobody's taken me up on it yet.
2013-01-07 01:12:18 PM  
1 vote:

Frat initiation ritual.

That's why Bush never thought it was torture.
2013-01-07 12:43:52 PM  
1 vote:

Weaver95: if you are an authoritarian, you'd have a difficult time convicting someone of waterboarding/treating waterboarding as a crime without contradicting your belief that its not a crime when the US government does it to suspected terrorists.

You think an authoritarian would have trouble rationalizing the state being allowed to do something citizens aren't?
2013-01-07 12:42:59 PM  
1 vote:
If you're raising terrorists, you may have an entirely more fundamental sort of parenting failure there.
2013-01-07 12:42:36 PM  
1 vote:
Damn kids are lucky he didn't send drone strikes out after them.
Displayed 12 of 12 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.