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(Fark)   Fark's 2012 Headline of the Year contest: Puns and Wordplay headlines   ( divider line
    More: HOTY, wordplay, ski area, opera singers, hepatitis, Contests  
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5113 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Dec 2012 at 7:48 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2012-12-31 07:16:38 PM  
The last of this year's batch, here are the puns and wordplay headlines that make you roll your eyes and groan. But people still love that low-hanging fruit. So to speak.

Warning: If puns make you stabby. Stop reading here. You have been warned.
2012-12-31 07:17:12 PM  
Ski area owner run over by nine-ton snow grooming machine is recovering nicely, feeling groovy
2012-12-31 07:17:28 PM  
Curfew-breaking teen gets stuck in chimney. California flue season officially begins
2012-12-31 07:17:50 PM  
Opera singer shot multiple times with no explanation. Sometimes it's just the wrong aria at the wrong time
2012-12-31 07:20:08 PM  
Scientists now think that the great Khmer empire in Cambodia collapsed due to a prolonged drought, and not because of immigration issues caused by too many Angkor babies as previously thought
2012-12-31 07:20:30 PM  
Kim Kardashian Whispers that she's Chaneling Liz Taylor's Cleopatra as she poses with her White Shoulders. Her Obsession is taking a Ptolemy
2012-12-31 07:20:47 PM  
Woman robs bank for denture money after being turned down for bridge loan
2012-12-31 07:21:06 PM  
50 P_opl_ in In_ia hav_ a_ _li_ _ for th_ jo_ of han_man
2012-12-31 07:21:22 PM  
Tennis pro Arantxa Sanchez Vicario says $60 million in career earnings are gone, alleges parents' racket took her net profit
2012-12-31 07:25:54 PM  
Rash of Baby Jesus figure thefts continues. Locals say it makes no frankincense
2012-12-31 07:26:09 PM  
Police ponder public porn problem? Pfft, proliferation protests push puritanical principles. Protecting pre-pubescent progeny praiseworthy, providing poised policy pursued
2012-12-31 07:28:28 PM  
Language arts teacher found dead in classroom causes students to be treated for post-grammatic stress disorder
2012-12-31 07:28:48 PM  
Caviar cache found in Russian morgue. Evidence being held on death roe
2012-12-31 07:29:05 PM  
Free crack pipes, free crack pipes, see how they smoke, see how they smoke, Vancouver is giving them out for free, to prevent Hepatitis and HIV, did you ever see such a sight as could be, as free crack pipes
2012-12-31 07:29:37 PM  
Vow: Allow snow plow tow now
2012-12-31 07:29:55 PM  
Thieves steal 450 miniature bottles of alcohol. Police hunt someone who is a little drunk
2012-12-31 07:30:16 PM  
Polo club founder adopts his adult girlfriend. He incests he had a good reason to
2012-12-31 07:30:36 PM  
No Cheer as Bounty runs out for for 5,700 Proctor and Gamble workers. Let's hope they can flow with the Tide and Bounce back
2012-12-31 07:32:06 PM  
Pawnshops take wine as collateral from wealthy clients. It's of case of syrah, syrah
2012-12-31 07:32:40 PM  
Beans, beans, the magical legume. Man killed under tons, while his friends tried to exhume
2012-12-31 07:33:01 PM  
The five most mathematically essential bottles of booze. Remember: Don't drink and derive
2012-12-31 07:33:26 PM  
Prison officials propose law to label masturbating inmates as sex offenders, opponents say either way it would be tossed
2012-12-31 07:36:55 PM  
Power company fined $180,000 for faulty work on houses where residents suffered electric shocks. There's no place like ohm
2012-12-31 07:37:14 PM  
Three shipwrecked fishermen survive on clams and seaweed for 10 days, by the end are a little dinghy
2012-12-31 07:37:33 PM  
Existential' man ordered to serve community service at morgue. Apparently they need another grave Heidegger
2012-12-31 07:37:55 PM  
If you've seen one tree ring dendrochronology, you've seen Yamal
2012-12-31 07:38:16 PM  
Dum-dums raid snack shop, cheez-it before the cops come, but leave mounds of wrappers behind, allowing police to sound the bugles. Will soon enjoy other prisoners' fun dips and goo-goo clusters. Nerds
2012-12-31 07:38:36 PM  
Mother-of-two disfigured by seven tumors on her face says, "Tumor would benign"
2012-12-31 07:38:56 PM  
Study finds that you can judge 90% of a stranger's personal characteristics just by looking a their shoes. It's like looking into their sole
2012-12-31 07:39:16 PM  
Desert tour guide is on pins and needles waiting for cops to catch the spineless prick who mutilated a rare crested saguaro cactus. Bonus: Tour guide's name is Nettles
2012-12-31 07:39:33 PM  
PETA names Jessica Chastain, Woody Harrelson sexiest vegetarian celebrities of 2012. I know who he is, but I've never seen herbivore
2012-12-31 07:39:51 PM  
A nuclear plant goes astray / And so it goes dark for the day / Why verse, you request? / I highly suggest / You click, and go RTFA
2012-12-31 07:40:18 PM  
Oh my cod. A famous fish-and-chips restaurant in Phoenix goes up in flames. Fortunately not a sole was hurt, but rebuilding it will be a pain in the bass
2012-12-31 07:40:38 PM  
Woman attacks her husband with a knitting needle and scissors. Seams to me it's a good thing he didn't need stitches at the end of this yarn. If you think differently, feel free to comment in the thread. Macrame
2012-12-31 07:40:57 PM  
A real son of a beech has birched the codes of a civilized society and has stolen walnut trees from federal lands. Now he pines away in jail feeling like an ash and wishing he had pecan somebody his own size
2012-12-31 07:41:17 PM  
Jazz musician killed answering his front door. Police don't think it was accidental. Sharp team of flat foots digging around will pick up the pieces in time, looking for key signature clues
2012-12-31 07:42:29 PM  
U.S. Speedskating under fire from its athletes. Allegations of being slippery with finances, skaters losing an edge after being provided with liquor, telling the gals that they are cracking the ice. The accusations just keep going round and round
2012-12-31 07:42:48 PM  
Anti-circumcision Amazon reviewers tipped off about book on AIDS, cut in with attacks on the author, having only read snippets of the book. You have been fore-warned
2012-12-31 07:43:38 PM  
DC bar owners Scrabble for a niche, roll the dice, take a Risk on board-game-themed bar. Hope they won't be Sorry. Yahtzee
2012-12-31 07:44:36 PM  
Billy Graham crumbles under pressure. Decides that Mormonism is just a kookie version of Christianity. Crust of the matter is finding the right guy for president. Cracker
2012-12-31 07:44:57 PM  
Six high-end coffemakers stolen in one afternoon from three Starbucks locations in Canadian city. Police have grounds to believe it was a thin, medium height dark-complected con man. A skinny grande mocha smoothie, if you will
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