If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(iVillage)   Family, friends are excited about Jessica Simpson's unexpected pregnancy. Execs at Weight Watchers? Not so much   ( ivillage.com) divider line
    More: Followup, Weight Watchers, Jessica Simpson, kitchen gadget, iVillage  
•       •       •

2839 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 10 Dec 2012 at 12:15 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-12-10 12:53:01 PM  
2 votes:
She is like a delightful Christmas dumpling. Sure, to the unknowing it might look like two loaves of bread baking when she wears a pair of pumps... but she doesn't perspire like an ordinary woman. The extra sugar and bacon drippings actually crystallize on her skin like a twilight vampire. I was shrimping her toes one day after we shared a delicious seafood platter and her tootsies tasted like real shrimp. Her breast always look extra inviting when she is carrying our tiny spawn. Big fun bags filled with Eagle brand condensed milk. When I crave a Vietnamese coffee, I don't even have to leave our house!

Her skin is soft and buttery smooth. Jess tells me she will NEVER wrinkle as long as she continues to grow and stretch her skin and that knowledge soothes my inner child. Her farts are a tropical cornucopia and remind me of Indian Fruit Money House Blessing Spray. I love to enter her from behind and tickle the soles of her feet. When she begins to laugh uncontrollably, the waves of laughter begin initially as gentle ripples, but soon escalate to tremulous flesh waddles and I must hang on for my very life. Like a tiny monkey jockey riding a racing greyhound, I cling to her back. If I am extra lucky she rips a dainty feminine 'pootie' and not only are my loins are filled with warmth, but the subtle vibrations waffle over my very being as if a thousand forest faeries were pummeling my genitalia with their tiny fists.
adweek.comView Full Size

Lose weight? Why would you seek to take away the very air I breathe.
2012-12-10 01:34:07 PM  
1 vote:

Grapple: they should spin it positive... "she's lost so much weight on our plan that she's farkable again!"

"She lost so much weight with us, you'll actually notice the pregnancy!"
2012-12-10 12:20:35 PM  
1 vote:
they should spin it positive... "she's lost so much weight on our plan that she's farkable again!"
Displayed 3 of 3 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.