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(CapAlert)   Cap Review of Shallow Hal   ( capalert.com) divider line
    More: Amusing  
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3922 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Nov 2001 at 12:00 AM (16 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

54 Comments     (+0 »)

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2001-11-22 12:01:46 AM  
wow they should really love this one, after all, it does make fun of fat people.
2001-11-22 12:06:53 AM  
Eph. 5:4 Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.

Don't know what that reference had to do with the movie, but it pretty much promises that every farker is going to burn, except for Fb- of course. Dang you! Dang you all to heck farkers! (except Fb-)
2001-11-22 12:07:23 AM  
And it talked about how true beauty is on the inside.
but if cap dont get this then the terrorists have won.
2001-11-22 12:12:02 AM  
I haven't read the article, but if they say the movie sucks, I'll be forced to agree.

I saw it, and it sucks some fatty ass. It was sappy, and NOT FUNNY. Even worse was Jack Black. I hope Black and the Farrely brothers never work again after this... Especially the Farrely's. First "Me Myself and Irene" and now this? Come on, the people want to be entertained, not to be force-fed shiat.

BTW, I didn't have a choice in seeing this movie. You try arguing this shiat with my girlfriend... you'll lose, just like I always do! lol
2001-11-22 12:14:52 AM  
Time to get fat! It's T-day!
2001-11-22 12:34:13 AM  
Shallow Hal sucked, but jesus fvckin' christ man!
2001-11-22 12:56:04 AM  
i wished i saw this with my GF, BUT SHE FARKING DUMPED ME!!!!!
2001-11-22 12:56:05 AM  
Hmm...Christian Singles Network...could be interesting.
2001-11-22 01:00:49 AM  
Hey I thought that Me Myself and Irene was damn funny, but then again im an idiot so nevermind
2001-11-22 01:01:26 AM  
They should all convert to Scientology.

You love scientology. Scientology is your friend. You love it so much that you're willing to give all your money to scientology to 'advance' and learn more about evil aliens who are trying to steal your brainwaves and can only be stopped with aluminum foil hats.

Kickass, Hubbard just sent me a message from his spaceship of doom in high orbit over the planet Theta that I'm getting a raise for my recruitmente efforts!
2001-11-22 01:02:40 AM  
Hey! Weird. I came to the same conclusions as CAP but minus all that Christian horseshiat. Odd.

-blatant plug-
2001-11-22 01:05:13 AM  
I went to see Shallow Hal last night and I thought it was funny as hell at parts but overall it could have been better.
2001-11-22 01:07:47 AM  
I read your review CyberPunk and i couldnt agree more.
2001-11-22 01:13:47 AM  
"excessive cleavage"

Not possible CAP man sorry.
2001-11-22 01:42:09 AM  
What is it with this man and taking pants off? he seems a little too fixated.
2001-11-22 02:20:56 AM  
it sucked!
2001-11-22 02:40:26 AM  
I would Realllly love to see these guy's review of dogma..... this is made to just piss them off heh
2001-11-22 02:43:44 AM  

2001-11-22 03:00:30 AM  
To repeat a question that has been asked before, has CAP ever liked a movie?

That guy's a glutton for punishment.
2001-11-22 03:04:17 AM  
"He had an "infirmity" which, by the way, could only be seen if he took his pants off. Pants off again! Does that help you capture the gist of this flick? I doubt that the dozens of preteen and young teen girls screeching in the front rows of the audience were of a mind to see what such entertainment actually does to them and their natural inhibitions."

This sounds like something from landover baptist...sometimes hard to believe this guy is serious....
2001-11-22 03:15:49 AM  
I am gonna have to do a review of CAP...

it will be glowing of course......

fark, I hate this crap.
2001-11-22 03:37:34 AM  
I think this guy just uses his rating service as an excuse to go see every "questionable" film that comes out, and not feel moralistic guilt. He get's to sit there with his little clipboard and look REAL CLOSELY for any boobie that might pop out.

Did anyone notice that when he talked about vulgarity he memtioned that the movie had the "foulest of foul words"? I'm trying to think which word that is - and I can think of some pretty foul ones...
2001-11-22 03:44:26 AM  
(from the Dogma review:) "NOT associated with Landover or Westboro Baptist in any way."

2001-11-22 04:20:52 AM  
Here are some "very attractive christian ladies".
Absolutely safe for work. No Boobies!
2001-11-22 05:42:36 AM  
Pleeeeease someone tell me if CAP is for *real!*
2001-11-22 07:14:16 AM  
More on Dogma:

I have been told Mr. Kevin Smith, the one responsible for Dogma, is a Christian. He may very well be and probably is -- I do not have the authority to say he is or is not.

Somehow, I never thought of Kevin Smith as a Christian...but I love his movies so who cares.
2001-11-22 07:19:46 AM  
Wow, their "reviews" are ridiculous. They gave "Muppets in Space" a "yellow light" review.....MUPPETS!

The instances of sexual nature that may need your maturity for the child to properly develop included Miss Piggy gamming (sitting cross-legged intentionally in a very short skirt showing as much upper leg as possible), Miss Piggy hitting the privates of a male character, and presentation of a video tape titled "Platinum Buns."

I never thought of muppets as sexual...and this reviewer does. That's gross.
2001-11-22 07:24:43 AM  
Okay, last one. Even Pokemon got a red light review. Even though I hate pokemon...

*Pokemon: The Movie* is HEAVY into control of others -- a basal desire; pronounced in many children. The movie is all about having control and controlling. There may lie the strongest power of the movie to influence.
2001-11-22 08:44:57 AM  
Krumlov, Some of the women on that Christian dating site were *gasp* divorced! Doesn't that make them adulterers?
2001-11-22 08:45:50 AM  
One of the sexuality things was "suggestive eye movements." Can somebody explain that for me?
2001-11-22 09:05:34 AM  
Morticia: Kevin Smith isnt just Christian, he's born and raised and long time practicing Catholic. Frightening....
2001-11-22 10:16:12 AM  
NOT associated with Landover or Westboro Baptist in any way.

BWAHAHA! (Landover Baptist Church is a parody website that likes to link to CAP)
2001-11-22 10:27:20 AM  
They gave Toy Story 2 a Yellow:

many Barbie(tm) dolls dancing in swimwear while characters ogle at them with sensuous expressions

South Park got a red light (this movie makes fun of Christians - how did CAP get in?), but I love the reasons:

portrayal of Satan as a loving, caring and sensitive being (All the reports on him are written by his worst enemy! How are we to know he isn't?
depiction of Hell as a "livable" place
expressions of hate and insult directly at God, including vulgar name-calling
"Would you like to go to Hell with me?" by Satan
"Comeback and visit us anytime" to Satan

Spy Kids really fell in the Impudence/Hate section:
two kids on their own, taking dangerous chances

Rugrats in Paris got an 84, but it's been deleted (!). I'd love to see how horrible this movie really is, too.

102 Dalmatians; phew-ee! Yellow light!
the use of "6660"
"Dogs are people, too"
2001-11-22 10:37:59 AM  
"Range of Possible Scores: zero to 100. The higher the score, the more acceptable the program. Mary Popins earned 100, American Psycho earned zrero."

$10 says he's lined up for American Psycho II on opening night. If not for the wanton licentious disregard for righteousness, moral character and inhibition, then at least for... SHATNER!
2001-11-22 10:38:20 AM  
hahaha that South Park review is comedy gold.
The fact that Kevin Smith is christian would at least explain his obsessions with making fun of fags
2001-11-22 11:18:00 AM  
There is a paradox here. The "inner beauty" Hal saw was always "...voluptuous and sensuous and glowing with sex appeal." Do these physical traits identify beauty? Is a model-grade body required for beauty? Must anyone with a "less-than-attractive" body be ugly? While the rest of the world saw flab and foul Hal saw firm and fine. Doesn't that say flab automatically makes the person ugly? Doesn't that defeat the "message" of this movie of embracing inner beauty rather than superficial properties? Isn't this kind of - err - shallow?

Uh...that's the whole point of the movie...that Hal considered anyone with a "less-than-attractive" body ugly...
2001-11-22 11:33:36 AM  

Jack Frost: a snowman with snowball breasts. That's what your kids will see if they go to this movie. And they will see the snowman fondle/juggle them. But that is not all....
2001-11-22 11:44:34 AM  
agh, i was reading the blair witch review, this site is pathetic

Why is it that when some movies contain violence, swearing, sex, etc. they assume it's because the producers, actors, or viewers hate god?
2001-11-22 12:22:16 PM  
Shater in Lil' Pimping.

Dam he must be poor.

2001-11-22 12:34:48 PM  
Sounds like one to see!!!
2001-11-22 12:50:13 PM  
King TT - Uh...that's the whole point of the movie...

No, the point of this movie was to make money for the Farrelly Brothers and their movie executives. Don't apply some misguided social commentary to a movie lacked that lacked any sort of commentary whatsoever. This is just another shiatty Hollywood movie that the boys and girls in LA shovel onto our screens for our viewing unenjoyment.
2001-11-22 12:54:01 PM  
one use of the most foul of the foul words

I was wondering which one that is, too...
2001-11-22 12:59:50 PM  
Most foul of foul: F.UCK
2001-11-22 01:41:02 PM  
Okay, we all know that CAP hates movies for stupid reasons, but is that any reason to point out how crazy they are? In a word, yes.
2001-11-22 05:40:25 PM  
this just in: cap gives score of 0 to every movie with plot and/or conflict.
2001-11-22 06:34:23 PM  
The thing I don't get is that CAP is designed to protect CHILDREN, so why do they bother rating all these R rated movies? Guess what? R Rated movies are NOT OK for children.
2001-11-22 08:00:49 PM  
Yes, Cyberpunk, true that, I don't know why I said that D:
2001-11-22 08:12:20 PM  
R movies NOT OK for kids? Since when? I always allowed my kids to see R rated movies if they wanted them. Very much like I always tried to allow them unfettered computer access. Let the uptight folks hobble their kids with intellectual restraints; it will make them less competetitive in he real world compared to kids like mine. What I can't deal with is stupid movies, regardless of ratings. To paraphrase George Carlin, it's the dope problem -- we definitely have too many dopes.
And another thing...someone once pointed out to me that while beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes right to the bone. I interpret this to mean that high grade ugliness usually scars an individual for life. Ergo, most *really* ugly people wind up with foul personalities. More often they wind up bitter, angry, and alienated. It's too bad, but let's be realistic. People develop largely according to how they are treated when young. Ugly people generally get shiat on. Pretty people get fawned over and spoiled. I suspect that ordinary-looking people fare best over the long haul, although sweeping generalizations are naturally prone to error.
2001-11-22 09:48:02 PM  
i saw shallow hal, personally i thoguth ti could have been alot better. but overall the movie gave a good message. As far as the CAP reviews, they go WAAAAAY overboard. In fact,with the mindset these people have, i dont think they should be allowed to have children. i mean, even the way they look at harmless kids movies is disgusting, just liek that comment abotu the muppets. Imagine being raised by a parent who does movie reveiws for CAP? I bet they arent even real christans, probably just some radical group claiming to be in order to dissolve the american entertainment business.
2001-11-22 09:54:23 PM  
Wow.. first time I've ever see this site. Scarey eh? Personally I'm on the metric system so their Christain measuring stick is fark'n b/s.

Everything there is a read light - even 'arry potta. The reviews at the bottom are priceless comedy.

For harry p they extoll the virtues of the craft, graphics etc and then biatch slap it with the last sentence...

"And all to present evil as good. [Isa. 5:20 Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter.]"

Dem christains sure be funny...
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