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(Ars Technica)   Verizon patents set top box that listens to what's going on in your house, then delivers targeted ads to your TV. "We can hear you now"   ( arstechnica.com) divider line
    More: Asinine, Verizon, top box, Google TV, plain  
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7813 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Dec 2012 at 8:47 AM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-12-04 08:50:32 AM  
15 votes:
1. Put laptop near set-top box.

2. Stream endless porn with volume up.

3. Profit.
2012-12-04 06:26:40 AM  
9 votes:
I see it now. Cat food ads 24/7.
2012-12-04 08:51:52 AM  
6 votes:
Targeted ads based on what is going on in the house... that might make for uncomfortable family visits for some Farkers...

"Hey son, why are there so many ads for anal lube, Broadway musicals, and Doc Johnson products blasting on the TV?"
2012-12-04 09:06:55 AM  
4 votes:
Some of my more paranoid friends said that my Kinect was probably doing this already. I was worried about it for a minute, but then I thought to myself "All this thing is going to learn by watching me is that I'm a lazy stoner who plays a lot of video games," which any normal person would figure out after talking to me for 5 minutes anyway.
2012-12-04 09:42:42 AM  
3 votes:
If I fart at the cable box, will it automatically turn the channel over to Fox News?
2012-12-04 09:35:37 AM  
3 votes:
This will be like Clippy for your life instead of MS Word. "I see you and your spouse are having an argument? May I suggest marriage counseling?"
2012-12-04 09:12:24 AM  
3 votes:
i184.photobucket.comView Full Size
2012-12-04 09:05:34 AM  
3 votes:
Next the telescreen television will shout at you for half-assing your exercise routine.
2012-12-04 05:13:25 AM  
3 votes:
1.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size
2012-12-04 09:57:47 AM  
2 votes:

MightyPez: More and more reason I'm feeling better about cutting the chord. I don't particularly enjoy the prospect of paying Verizon (or Comcast, or charter, et al) for the privilege of selling me.

Which note are you cutting, the 3rd or the 5th or are you getting rid of harmonics altogether?
2012-12-04 09:18:19 AM  
2 votes:
Won't be long before I'm flooded with Beano, and Gas-X ads.

/Turn it up, biatches
2012-12-04 08:55:53 AM  
2 votes:
The next step will be to make it illegal to have an off switch on your TV.

math.ucsd.eduView Full Size
2012-12-04 11:21:55 AM  
1 vote:
you: 'this weed sucks. we need to find someone with decent s***.'

your tv:
commercial 1: bob's fertilizer has all the natural fertilizer you could ever need!
commerical 2: your **** sucks? call 555-drug and get the best crack in town!
commercial 3: at Long Boring Days Rehab we care for you and want to help you with your drug problem. Check in now and we won't tell the police what you've been saying in front of your TV.
2012-12-04 11:15:02 AM  
1 vote:

SDRR: You talk to the machine at the self checkout register?

I do, and not very nicely
2012-12-04 10:50:45 AM  
1 vote:
It's gonna end up like chatroulette. Nothing but penises.
2012-12-04 10:02:29 AM  
1 vote:
If you drop you pants and backup close to the camera, Verizon won't know whether you've just placed a mirror in front of the camera.and they're viewing themselves or what.

maddogmedia.files.wordpress.comView Full Size
2012-12-04 09:39:25 AM  
1 vote:
Fark. Now I have to smoke my pot and pay my hookers in the bathroom.

That reminds me... I need to get more Scrubbing Bubbles.
2012-12-04 09:30:42 AM  
1 vote:
TVs make great computer monitors and movie screens.
2012-12-04 09:30:10 AM  
1 vote:
The thing to do here would be to feed back the audio from FOX news into the set top box and see what kinds of good deals you could get for ammo, gold and mobility scooters.
2012-12-04 09:10:11 AM  
1 vote:

Jim.Casy: I'm a lazy stoner

Sweet, the local swat team will be by in a few minutes to break down your door, shoot your dog, and throw your ass in jail.
2012-12-04 09:03:43 AM  
1 vote:

Gordon Bennett: The next step will be to make it illegal to have an off switch on your TV.

[math.ucsd.edu image 512x384]

4.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size
2012-12-04 09:00:08 AM  
1 vote:

Prank Call of Cthulhu: What's a set-top box?

/TiVo and cablecards FTW

Who still has a tv with a top big enough to set anything on?
2012-12-04 08:59:21 AM  
1 vote:

CujoQuarrel: Is there anyone who would allow this monstrosity into their homes?

People that A) know no better. B) don't care (the kind of people that have a public facebook/twitter profile). C) think it's neat (see brain-damaged). D) were upsold by Verizon for some bullshiat new "feature" that they have to "upgrade" for.
2012-12-04 08:58:35 AM  
1 vote:

BigDamn: Patent application != patent.

Well you weren't supposed to read the article before commenting.

thesantadestroy.files.wordpress.comView Full Size
2012-12-04 08:54:18 AM  
1 vote:
eshop.macsales.comView Full Size

Problem Solved.
2012-12-04 08:47:44 AM  
1 vote:

PreMortem: Mheh, the government already is through your cellphone.

This has nothing to do with the government. It's entirely in the private sector.

/just goes to show how evil the private sector can be
//who do you trust more? those with a motive to get your vote or those who are motivated to get your money?
2012-12-04 08:37:52 AM  
1 vote:
Combine this with Fox News and you have something that could be in every room of every house.
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