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(Slate)   It's Thanksgiving, so let's not fight today and just all agree that turkey white meat is a bland, tasteless, cardboard-like substance that nobody really enjoys and we all secretly crave the dark. And if you take the last leg, I WILL CUT YOU   ( slate.com) divider line
    More: Obvious, Ron Rosenbaum, white-breads, scrambled eggs, Fairfield County, boobs, zucchini, nutritional value, porkchops  
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2194 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Nov 2012 at 2:41 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-11-22 03:36:29 PM  
2 votes:

Coelacanth: *Trying to figure out how to cook this mushroom log thingy my vegan brother wants instead of turkey*

That's easy. Slice it into 1/2 inch thick rounds and fry them in lard, and tell him next year he can cook his own damned food.
2012-11-22 12:39:25 PM  
2 votes:

Pocket Ninja: Securing one of the turkey legs is something for which I am fully prepared to go to war. The good thing about this is that this is a lesson most have learned over the years, and so outright aggression is usually not necessary. But the threat is always there.

drwp.netView Full Size

Maybe we can make some that have a couple of extra legs?
2012-11-22 05:51:27 PM  
1 vote:

spidermilk: Bought 14 lb turkey. Brined it. Cooked it with foil on the breast for 2.5 hours until my [real] meat thermometer read 165 in the breast. Delicious.


...why did you stick your penis in the turkey?
2012-11-22 05:40:12 PM  
1 vote:
I'd eat the whole goddamed bird if I could fill it down my gullet. Now excuse me, I have to sit on the couch with my hand down my pants.
2012-11-22 04:02:40 PM  
1 vote:

KrispyKritter: i turned into a human icicle the other night, been freezing my bells off. first time in my life i missed Thanksgiving. no need to show up & get my family sick. my ears have a high pitched ringing going on, but i suspect that may be because i ran out of buspirone.

thankfully my being sick did not to stop Mrs.Kritter from bolting up to her rental place in NY state where she will entertain her co-worker friends at yet another get together i wasn't invited to. because she is the type of passive-aggressive biatch that won't simply call a lawyer and get it over with. no. there is too much fun to be had making sure husband is fully aware he is an unwanted burden in a loveless sexless marriage. she defines castrating biatch. if i hit the lottery it will be 1-800-LAWYER and i will be living elsewhere in under 24 hours.

If you hit a really big jackpot, you could simply buy some bears and/or wolves and have them eat her, you know.
2012-11-22 03:22:36 PM  
1 vote:
White meat, Dark meat, ALL will be carved.... Full Size
2012-11-22 03:07:51 PM  
1 vote:

Glenford: calm like a bomb: Every year, every farking year, I ask as nicely as I can, "Hey, how about we get a ham as well? Or some fish. Or I grill a steak?". And every year, every year without fail, is supposed to be the year that this new awesome super special recipe is totally going to turn me on to turkey so shut up about that other stuff. And it never does. And I feel like weeping.

And then my in laws always come for Christmas from Europe, where there is no Thanksgiving, so I get to do it twice in two months. And my family wonders why I keep a bottle of rum in my office closet.

One year it was just my parents and I. My mother made the suggestion of having something else and my father threw a tantrum like I have never seen before. 20 pound turkey and all the fixings for 3 people. Thank FSM there was lots of booze.

What you should do there is buy the turkey fresh, and have it cut in half. Cook half for Thanksgiving, freeze the other half for Christmas. Plenty of meat for three people.
2012-11-22 03:06:12 PM  
1 vote:

Maybe we can make some that have a couple of extra legs?

Meh. Chernobyl Farms has sold six-drumstick turkeys for a quarter century.

/They're cheap, too.
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