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(Daily Mail)   Surpriiiiiiiiiiiise   ( divider line
    More: Interesting, California GOP, October Surprise, Mitt Romney, Gloria Allred, Massachusetts, Matt Drudge, family courts, wedding photography  
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7860 clicks; posted to Politics » on 24 Oct 2012 at 10:23 AM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-10-24 11:36:32 AM  
3 votes:
THE COURT: Let's get started. Please Identify yourself for the record.

MITT ROMNEY: Good morning your honor. My name is Willard Mitt Romney, president of Bain capital. I am a serial abortionist.

LAWYER: We...didn't ask about that.

MR: You didn't ask about my dozen underage wives either.

L: mind. What is your relationship to Tom Stemberg?

MR: We met through our mutual work at Staples Inc. Soon we were in love and we plan to be married as soon as those useless bureaucrats in Massachusetts legalize it.

L: I had no idea. That also isn't what we wanted to talk...wait, aren't you the governor of Massachusetts?

MR: That's how I know what useless motherfarkers they are. I realized government work is easy money and I'm just sucking up all I can. Just (witness makes graphic slurping noises) like a hooker in front of a pile of blow. Or hell, me in front of a pile of blow. You're a lawyer. Do you have any blow on you?

L: No. Look, just tell me a little about Tom Stemberg. As a father and a husband.

MR: Well he pegged me good on a regular basis so I'm sure he did the same with the missus. His kids turned out really well. Obedient, bright eyed kids he adopted from China with very clever hands.

L: Mr. Stemberg's children are not adopted.

MR: Well I thought he sold them to me cheap. You really had me going Tom! I thought I got your kids for a song!

L: Let's move on to the business side of things. Can you give us an approximation of the value of Mr. Stemberg's holdings in Staples Inc.?

MR: Value? Listen champ. I don't deal in value. I'm basically the most legitimate con man you can be. Value is what I say it is. All of my business experience is basically getting clients drunk enough, or finding enough dirt on them, to get them to sign bad deals. I prey on value. I don't actually understand it.

L: So you can't really tell us anything useful about Mr. Stemberg then?

MR: Nope. Hey, do you want to hear about the horrifying secret blood rituals of my church?

L: No. Thank you for your time.
2012-10-24 10:29:41 AM  
2 votes:

ManateeGag: attention whore want attention? shocking.

she and Donald trump should get married and have little attention whore babies.

Trump's already got attention whore babies.

img.poptower.comView Full Size
2012-10-24 11:23:27 AM  
1 vote:

Well that was sleazy.
2012-10-24 11:07:22 AM  
1 vote:

ManateeGag: attention whore want attention? shocking.

she and Donald trump should get married and have little attention whore babies.

Dear God! Why would you suggest such a thing? Do you want the earth to collapse into a black hole of narcissism?
2012-10-24 10:37:51 AM  
1 vote:
Has anyone seen Donald Trump and Gloria Alred in the same place at the same time?

I think the toupee is there to distract us, so we won't notice they're the same person. Like Superman with his glasses.
2012-10-24 10:37:15 AM  
1 vote:
Angry ex-wife of one of Mitt's friends has bad things to say about Mitt and her ex. This is important!

/not really
2012-10-24 10:36:52 AM  
1 vote:

Leeds: I personally believe that the election is in a dead heat.

That said, Obama's surrogates seem to be pretty scared if they have to pretend that a 25 year old court case where he stood up for his friend is somehow damaging or even relevant.

This smells of desperation.

What does Trump smell like to you?
2012-10-24 10:30:00 AM  
1 vote:

hillbillypharmacist: I can't see how Romney's testimony about Tom Stemberg's qualities as a father would be damaging to Romney. Unless he slipped in there, "Tom Stemberg is a good father. I can say for certain that Mr. Stemberg doesn't posess any of those qualities I possess, namely, I'm an unctuous, soulless mirror of whatever the voters want."

I'm the biological father of one of his sons and Tom treats him like his own. He is a great dad.
2012-10-24 10:28:39 AM  
1 vote:
If Gloria Allred is involved you know it's full of shiat.
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