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(Cliffview Pilot)   Don't let the black-and-white marked cars fool you: The Roofing Police are not an actual government agency   ( divider line
    More: PSA, Bergen County, Hackensack, county judge, civil penalty, home improvement  
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6606 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Oct 2012 at 10:50 AM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2012-10-24 09:20:12 AM  
2 votes:
Just another example of draconian government regulation and oversight, putting a small business owner and job creator out of the market. Does anyone think of the jobs that will be lost? Here you go, N0bama - here's your example of job-killing regulation.
2012-10-24 11:48:44 AM  
1 vote:
It was Tuesday afternoon on a Wednesday morning. I was working Gutters with my partner, Joe Gannon. We had just cleared a downspout on the north side and were doing the paperwork when the telephone rang.

Joe got to it first. I heard my partner say in to the phone: "You don't say, you don't say, you don't say" and then he hung up the phone.

"Who was that" I asked.

"Yu Don Seigh, the captain" my partner replied. "Looks like The Squirrel is loose again."

"Oh great," I reply. "Is it too late for me to transfer to Fascia/Aluminum Trim?"

"Gutters can't loose you to FAT right now. We have to roll."

The Squirrel. We have a history. I personally drove him in to a Have-a-Heart cage and drove him 50 miles out of town. I took the back roads and crossed several bridges. How could the wily beast find his way back so soon? Why wasn't he road kill on Highway 45?

"Well, maybe this time, I won't be so nice." I picked a bb gun pistol out of the desk drawer.

"Easy, partner" Gannon said. "We still have rules that we have to follow."

"Maybe he'll resist" I replied chambering a bb in to the chamber. I'll feel very threatened if he doesn't drop his nuts."

We rolled out to the location. It all looked too familiar. That dark night, the shaky ladder. It all came back to me like a popcorn fart in an elevator. The Squirrel wasn't going to give up his nest without a fight. I was a young officer - two weeks younger than I am now. I believed the badge would protect me. Oh, how young and stupid I was two Wednesday ago.

The Squirrel got a drop on me. The cage slid to the edge of the roof. The ladder fell and got muddy. My partner had to retreat to find a hose to wash it down. It was just me and the little fur bearin' varmit. We tussled on the roof. He tried to throw me from the edge but I hung on. There was no way I could survive a ten foot drop without getting a twisted ankle. The Squirrel grinned at me. He pushed my thumb off the edge. Then the pointer finger, then the cussing finger, then the ring finger. The pinky went next. It was only my abnormal sixth finger keeping me from dropping to my hurt.

Summoning my strength, I flung myself up and behind him. In a moment, I had him by the scruff of his neck. I pirouetted to the edge of the roof and using a violin someone had left behind, I recovered the cage and neatly deposited The squirrel in to the cage.

And now we stood at the same house. I saw him first. Then he saw me. The anger in my eyes must have scared him because he retreated to the other side of the roof. I could have jumped up there if I had my spring loaded shoes but I took the ladder instead. I cornered him. One hand on the cage. On hand on the bb gun. I would be his decision but I hoped that he would go for the nuts.

Instead, he raised his scary little hands and walked in to the cage without incident. I was puzzled but I told Gannon I fought him twice as much but not as noisily as before. We drove out to the place where we dropped him off before. And when we got there, it all made sense.

When I opened the cage, The Squirrel ran in to the field. There was a chattering in the trees and another squirrel appeared. They met in I realized that I had made a mistake two weeks ago. Always check the nest. The squirrel I just caught was the child of the other squirrel. I just realized that. I also realized that a girl squirrel nearly tossed me off a roof.

The two squirrels, united, ran back to the trees happily. I took my bb pistol and I threw it in to the river. When I got back to the office I dropped my badge on the Commissioner's Desk and walked out without saying a word.

It was his turn to polish all the badges.
2012-10-24 11:18:04 AM  
1 vote:
These guys may be fake, but I am a real Female Body Inspecting agent. Here's my badge assume the position.
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