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(Jalopnik)   A manual transmission is the only real way to drive and the author of this article needs to deal with it   ( divider line
    More: Asinine, authors  
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20458 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Oct 2012 at 1:09 AM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-10-21 06:32:39 PM  
8 votes:
A man needs to constantly meet and master risk. Risk like that of stalling out at a red light or backing into a lamp post. An automatic never provides these things.
2012-10-21 06:31:48 PM  
5 votes:
Travis is a girl's name.
2012-10-22 12:01:44 AM  
4 votes:

Dead for Tax Reasons: Automatic transmission is to driving as masturbation is to sex

In that we all masturbate far, far more than we take admit to, and the people most vocal about sex are those least likely to be regularly engaged in it?
2012-10-21 09:40:40 PM  
4 votes:
Automatic transmission is to driving as masturbation is to sex
2012-10-22 06:30:38 AM  
2 votes:

Lenny_da_Hog: Right. There are absolutely no differences in performance between the manuals and automatics, under any conditions. That's what you're sticking to. It's all just fashion and price.

You have seen through my charade. You have once again bested me in verbal combat and torn asunder my claim that in many situations that are faced by people (not even the avalanches and blizzards that you normally contend with), an automatic is simply incapable of dealing with snow.

I don't know why I lied. I guess I just wanted to be cool. But you wouldn't let me. I will take this new knowledge, and your psychological diagnosis of my ineptitude, to try and become a better person. A person who will drive a manual. A person who will deliver scorn and disdain on those who do not support our way of life. TO THE MANUAL TRANSMISSION!
2012-10-22 02:52:23 AM  
2 votes:
Is this a shifter car? I cannot drive a shifter car, alright, so we got a little situation here. I can't drive these kinda cars! What the fark is goin' on! You think that's funny? Would you like to know, smartass? Would you like to know why I can't drive this kinda car? I'll tell you why, I'm used to luxury cars. Have you ever heard of a luxury car? You know what luxury means? Ever heard of Cadillac, Cadillac Eldorado? That's what I drive. I drive cars that shift themselves.
2012-10-22 01:46:57 AM  
2 votes:
Any moron can learn to drive stick. But it takes a special kind of moron to take any pride in an accomplishment of that particular magnitude.

Notice I didn't say you shouldn't have an opinion, or that there aren't reasons to prefer manual to automatic. And we could have a nice gearheady conversation about relative fuel efficiency and maintenance costs all day long. But that's where most of the frothy rage comes from in stick-threads. People whose major life accomplishment is being trivialized.
2012-10-22 01:15:34 AM  
2 votes:
Cars. One of the most worthless "hobbies" out there. "Yippie! I can drive a car! I have monkey level intelligence and can work a basic mechanical machine while polluting the environment, not to mention increasing the dependency on fossil fuels as well as helping them get more expensive because I spend it on useless shiat like driving around for no reason."
2012-10-21 10:21:33 PM  
2 votes:
When I drive a car (I'm longtime motorcycle commuter and don't even own a car anymore), I'm always struck by how motherfarking boring automatics are. All I'd need is "Scarborough Fair" on the radio and I'd instantly fall asleep. Americans might love them, but I think automatics are a threat to liberty. This is what the terrorists wanted.

Even a '92 Toyota Camry is fun as hell to drive when it has a stick.
2012-10-21 09:51:02 PM  
2 votes:

Cewley: steering and pushing the gas pedal is not driving.

Gotta be baking a cake while bathed in disco lights and fog. Now THAT'S driving!
2012-10-21 07:34:15 PM  
2 votes:
steering and pushing the gas pedal is not driving.
2012-10-21 06:57:29 PM  
2 votes:

fusillade762: Driving A Stick In Rush Hour Traffic Is A Pain In The Ass.

Capital Letters Succom To Exhaustion After Abuse. News At Eleven. Try The Fish.
2012-10-22 11:52:33 AM  
1 vote:
I don't even know what this "flappy paddles" shiat is, but I do own a 77 Toyota truck with manual transmission.
2012-10-22 08:56:19 AM  
1 vote:
Funny how all the author talks about is speed. Probably because he's trying to push a bias and doesn't want non-aligned facts being brought into the picture he's trying to paint.

Do I care about speed in my stick-shift ecobox? Heck no. I care about more control, better milage, and the fact that replacing a worn out clutch costs less than a tenth of the price as replacing a broken automatic transmission. That last one is particularly important: Clutch gone bad on a stick-shift? You're out $200, tops. Transmission go kaput on an automatic? May as well just go buy a new car - it'll be cheaper.
2012-10-22 05:51:50 AM  
1 vote:

Lenny_da_Hog: Dunning-Kruger effect on your part.

To rock a car out of snow, you have to time it precisely so that you disengage at the point the tires start to slip, let the car rock in the other direction, re-engage until it slips, let it rock again, and the inertia you build eventually plows you through the snow.

An automatic transmission has a delay when shifting from N to R, or N to D. You end up spinning your wheels and creating ice on the snow pack, or losing inertia by shifting out of gear too soon while precompensating for the delay. A clutch gives you precise control by immediately disengaging the transmission.

And I clearly said that it may be fine for Seattle, but where people drive in ice and snow for months at a time, it makes a big difference. That goes along with the whole, "drive what you're comfortable with for your driving needs" thing that I was talking about. I didn't say automatics should be taken from the market, I said there are differences between the two.

If you are not a simpleton troll, you are merely a simpleton.

I appreciate your obvious concern for my mental deficiencies. And I'm suitably impressed by your psychic abilities in pulling my driving history from the ether.

I live in Chicago. I make no claim that our winters can match Alaska, but I think the snow and ice gives a reasonable facsimile. I've driven both automatics and manuals in those conditions. I've been stuck in both. In both cases, I was able to rock the car out of the position I was mired in. But I'm in no way claiming to match your driving prowess, I'm clearly outclassed.

Yes, you've shown yourself to be completely objective on this subject.

2012-10-22 04:47:03 AM  
1 vote:
The stick-shift is the pleasure center of the vehicle. Automatic means your just steering and pushing the faster pedal.
2012-10-22 04:26:26 AM  
1 vote:

incrdbil: Manual transmissions hold no advantage over automatics in performance.

Please see my above post on the RX-8, and get your lying head out of your ass. It's blocking the flow of shiat so much it seems to be flowing over into your keyboard.
2012-10-22 03:50:27 AM  
1 vote:
Seeing that I currently race this:
fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.netView Full Size

(yes this was at an autox event and not a track day, but whatever)

And that I occasionally race these:
fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.netView Full Size

as well as a Lambo Gallardo, Audi R8, Porsche 996 (personal favorite) and a Corvette Z6, I can say that the flappy paddle is the way to go. But it has to be the real flappy paddle. Not the tiptronic (or whatever it's callled) flappy paddle. A real flappy paddle allows you to drop a gear when another automatic wouldn't let you do it for fear of hurting the car. The paddle shift in the Ferrari is astonishingly good. But when it comes time to drive to the store, and back in to a parking spot, they are a serious irritation. In a race to reverse in a parking spot, a traditional manual will beat the flappy paddle all day. Though I should state that the 996 has a traditional manual and it's still the car I pull the fastest lap times in. It's just that good. A flappy paddle would maybe make it marginally better.

So how about you just buy the car/gearbox that best suits your needs, and we all just shut up and let the other person drive whatever they want? Sound good to everyone?

Oh, and for God's sake everyone, learn to at least change a tire on your own. It's a necessary life-skill.
2012-10-22 03:32:01 AM  
1 vote:
I don't care what you guys drive, the bus I catch is big enough for me not to care.
2012-10-22 03:17:14 AM  
1 vote:

Dead for Tax Reasons: Automatic transmission is to driving as masturbation is to sex

Wait, I thought automatics didn't involve playing with your stick.
2012-10-22 03:05:41 AM  
1 vote:
Wow, I had no idea the "Manual vs Automatic" split could be such troll fodder. I'll have to remember that. File it with:

Chicago vs New York pizza
Student loans
Beer snobs
2012-10-22 03:01:53 AM  
1 vote:

Verlorenes Metallgeld: In Deutschland everymann has to learn manuell and drives manuell. Jawohl.

Pfft. You didn't capitalize your nouns.
2012-10-22 02:30:12 AM  
1 vote:
Subby is a car hipster.
2012-10-22 02:21:29 AM  
1 vote:
I have an automatic transmission. I also don't start my car by turning a crank because we have a device that does that for us so we don't have to do it ourselves anymore.

2012-10-22 01:59:42 AM  
1 vote:
I want to have sex with a car.

2012-10-22 01:43:13 AM  
1 vote:

TomD9938: Manuals make for a nice theft deterrent.


One advantage I've seen:

"Hey, I'm moving, can I borrow your truck?"
"It's a 5-speed."
"Oh. Never mind, I'll ask around..."
2012-10-22 01:40:41 AM  
1 vote:
Remember, all consumer choices are a statement of superiority and must be defended with machismo.
2012-10-22 01:28:43 AM  
1 vote:
Eat it, slushbox:

drewblood.comView Full Size
2012-10-22 01:25:37 AM  
1 vote:
I have a grey car.
2012-10-22 01:13:53 AM  
1 vote:

TommyymmoT: I think a manual transformer keeps you more actively engaged in driving because you have to pay attention more.

You know, that's the exact same thing Eddie Murphy said?!
2012-10-21 11:22:13 PM  
1 vote:

dickfreckle: Shadow Blasko: I *do* think that as long as there are manual transmissions, it should be considered a life skill to learn how to drive one.

Agreed, but a friend of mine made an interesting point. "I want my son to learn to drive a manual, but where the hell do I find one? .

I learned how to drive a stick when I was 16. A 10 speed tractor trailer. I had a summer job as a mechanics helper at a truck leasing company and they taught me how to drive a rig out of the yard and into the shop to get worked on. I could get those biatches up to about 5th speed, double clutching all the way (read: about 25 mph). 

I used to change the oil and grease them. Those things took 48 quarts of oil.
2012-10-21 11:01:35 PM  
1 vote:

Dead for Tax Reasons: Automatic transmission is to driving as masturbation is to sex

Automatic transmission is like watching someone else masturbate.

Manual transmission is like a three day orgy on a millionaire's yacht.
2012-10-21 10:22:18 PM  
1 vote:

Shadow Blasko: Flappy paddles are an abomination, not unlike white chocolate, and should be met with disdain at every opportunity.

Your ideas are intriguing to me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
2012-10-21 10:22:00 PM  
1 vote:
I like my 6 speed semi auto, it's still not quite as fun as a real manual with a clutch, but it's a damned site more convenient and it's nice to kick it over into full auto when hands are full. Only drawback is you don't know what gear you're in just by where your hand is.
2012-10-21 06:22:16 PM  
1 vote:

Voiceofreason01: What most of you people do on your commute isn't "driving"

What I do on my commute is try to get from my home to work and back, safely, and with minimal hassle. Commuting is not a sport.

If I was driving on a track, I'd definitely want a manual transmission. But shuttling back and forth to work at butt-thirty in the morning when I haven't had enough coffee? Automatic is just fine for that.
2012-10-21 06:14:02 PM  
1 vote:
What most of you people do on your commute isn't "driving"
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