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(WIBW Topeka)   Impulse food shopping contributes to the obesity rate. Probably because no one has ever compulsively bought a bushel of celery   ( divider line
    More: Obvious, bushels, shopping, obesity  
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1109 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Oct 2012 at 11:17 AM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2012-10-13 05:23:46 PM  
2 votes:
I impulse buy fruits and vegetables, which is unusual in a straight man with conservative tendencies.

I would kill life for a sack of Brussels sprouts, and not just vegetable life either. I would let your infant child DIE of volume depletion in an overheated SUV if that's what it took to get me into the supermarket to claim those precious green globes. Ripe cherries aren't nearly so bad. I'd throw elbows into an old lady to claim a basket of ripe cherries, but I'd have enough self-control to try to make it look accidental. Iranian dates catch my eye like little else in Produce. It's a brick-shaped cardboard box with dainty Persian lettering over some pastoral scene. Inside are neatly packed rows of grapelike fruit. If they are firm and ripe, they go in the basket, sugar shock be damned. Broccoli OTOH, appears sporadically enough that I'll snatch it up no matter how ratty it looks.

Where I live ripe, locally picked red figs sometimes manifest on the shelves, and these go straight in the basket, even if I have to reach over some lumbering Arab bint to get them, and even though they burn my tongue and go moldy in 3 days. In Japan the persimmons (kaki) and pears (nashi) are likewise seasonal and you have to make the most of your window of opportunity. The bastards know it too, and mark up the price something depraved. I never came closer to violence. If no one else is around, you can try jacking up that diminutive Asiatic by the lapels and informing him in menacing tones that the US and Japan never signed a formal truce. Untrue, of course, but it's good for a few hundred yen off the price of a basket.

Of all the fruits the ones that most appeal to the impulses, like women, are the melons. I react to them the same way too, transfixed with longing and anxiety. They are so alluring, yet what is inside? What awaits when you bring it home and lay it bare? You cannot know, and I have been betrayed so many times. One cannot trust a melon, yet one cannot turn away from her without carrying an ember of cruel yearning. The honeydew particularly is maddening. "YES, I WILL HAVE HER! This one I shall possess and know the joy of my heart's desiring! YOU! BOY! SELL ME THIS MELON, and as you value your life speak not a word!" So transported with passion we bring her home and cleave her gently, and with one scoop... blandness. No flavor, no feeling, no love, just the salty taste of tears. The honeydew is a cruel mockery of her name. The honeydew is a cute girl named Jennifer who smiles and beckons, but does not kiss, does not cuddle, does not love...

...or, what were we talking about? Anybody want some of this? It's good stuff.
2012-10-13 11:31:05 AM  
2 votes:
I once took a shiat in a bushel of celery. It was more impulsive than compulsive.
2012-10-13 01:55:05 PM  
1 vote:
Going into a grocery store, while hungry, around/just after Halloween is awesome
2012-10-13 11:35:35 AM  
1 vote:
True story: If it weren't for getting a fake appetite from marijuana and going impulse food shopping, I'd have starved myself into a hospital many times.
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