Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(WFTV Orlando)   Mom arrested after two-year-old found crawling on roof. Those little scamps really are in the last place you look   ( divider line
    More: Florida, Department of Children, mom arrested, roofs, the last place you look  
•       •       •

3145 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Oct 2012 at 12:05 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-10-11 12:16:17 PM  
5 votes:
We get a lot a calls on these little bastards this time of year. Once the first frost hits, they like to crawl up into people's attics or gnaw their way into interior crawlspaces. They hate the cold and they aren't the best foragers, so they typically starve to death and leave and awful stink, like a sick retarded kid shiat straight up your nostrils.

I tell all my friends to carry a hammer in their car. When they see one of these little pukes, brain it. A hole chewed in your neighbor's roof is as good as a hole chewed in your roof next fall.

Just this morning this little old lady called me up and told me her power was out and the electric company wouldn't do anything about it. I went over to have a look and maybe get some sex. Sure enough, one of the little black ones had chewed through the 220 volt line. Smelled like a burning hair cigar. Took an hour to scrape the charred flesh off the line and patch it. The old woman's incontinenance was all flared up, so I had to use a warm wash rag.

Oh well, keep your eyes peeled.
2012-10-11 12:46:03 PM  
1 vote:

misterfweem: Bureau of Missing Babies?

Hold please

[Muzak] Baby come back, you can blame it all on me . . .

...brief pause...

Would you know my name / If I saw you in heaven?
2012-10-11 12:30:40 PM  
1 vote:
While she's up there, could you have her get my Frisbee?
2012-10-11 12:17:58 PM  
1 vote:
Bureau of Missing Babies?

Hold please

[Muzak] Baby come back, you can blame it all on me . . .
2012-10-11 12:16:12 PM  
1 vote:

wildcardjack: I look in additional places to see if quantum mechanics have finally caused my keys to be in two places at the same time.

Look in Schrodinger's pocket. You'll find half of them there.
Displayed 5 of 5 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.