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(The Barnstormer)   Cheap Throat, the diary of a locked-out NHLer, day 23: Turkey hangover, a bacon shortage, deer, axes, and more Meryl Streep   ( thebarnstormer.com) divider line
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1744 clicks; posted to Sports » on 10 Oct 2012 at 6:24 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2012-10-10 09:28:51 PM  
2 votes:
"Screwed Out of Hockey: The Diary of a NHL Hockey Fan, Day 23"

8:20am - Woke-up for work and checked the CSNNE app on my phone to see if there was any Bruins news, of course there is none. But I get to be gleefully reminded that the Bruins were supposed to be playing a preseason game tonight.

8:21am - Through my alcoholic-haze, I remembered that I got to watch Chara play in the KHL on ESPN2 last night. But I was at the bar and didn't get to hear who was announcing the game. Was it Gary Thorne and Bill Clement? Did Tom Mees un-drown himself and call the hot KHL action? Did I really watch hockey on ESPN last night? Wow, too many shots.

8:22am - I roll-over and see the hideous blob of human life that I did unspeakable things to last night. What was her name? What is my escape plan? Shiat, I'm at my house!! Too many shots for sure. Maybe I can lure her out of my house with a Jimmy Dean sausage egg and cheese biscuit. It's worth a shot.

8:55am - I told the swamp donkey I'd buy her IHOP if she went ahead of me and I could meet her there after I got cleaned up. I'm not going to IHOP.

10:38am - I hear an ad on the local sports talker with Randy Moller trying to pitch season tickets for the Panthers. Their ad line is "you pay when we play". Um, Randy...hardly anybody paid when they did play. Well, I did...and I'm a Bruins fan. Hell, I probably went to more games last season than the majority of "Panthers fans".

12:00pm - I can't decide between Subway and Jersey Mikes.

12:01pm - That girl who works the counter at Jersey Mikes looks like she'd be willing to give up the ass.

12:02pm - Jersey Mikes it is.

12:25pm - Jersey Mikes was the good pick for lunch, but that chick I was thinking about must have gotten acid thrown on her since the last time I was there. I need to stop day-drinking.

4:00pm - Awesome, only three hours until gametim.....awww GODDAMN IT!!!

5:38pm - There has to be a joke somewhere about Lance Armstrong getting thrown under the bus by his teammates about doping.

6:15pm - Jesus Christ the Reds pitching sucks tonight.

7:15pm - Well, I might not have hockey to watch, but this cocktail is mighty delicious.

7:21pm - Oh great, my girlfriend just showed up. Oh shiat!!! Did I remember to wash my dick and change the sheets at my place?!?!?!?!?

8:14pm - OK, she's got to be at work by 7:00am, so I don't have to worry if my bed and my cack smell like the fupa-sweat of some random broad.

9:25pm - I guess I'll just watch old episodes of Archer since I have no hockey to sustain me.


/probably not too funny, but worth a shot
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