JohnBigBootay: MorePeasPlease: Nobody cared about the body when it was ramping up to 800 lbs. while it was alive...Now it's not unreasonable to assume someone in that poor health did not have a lot of people who cared for him, but that's all it is is an assumption because there's simply nothing about it in the article. I have a grotesquely obese family member. He makes horrible decisions and pisses me off frequently but I do care for him.
LessO2: Beerguy: What exactly should he have done as an alternative to dismemberment?
JohnBigBootay: LessO2: Ask the family first?To which they would have answered, if they were being brutally honest with themselves, "does that cost extra?" I have a nickel says they went with the cheapest urn available, spent exactly zero on a funeral service, but now want some money for pain and suffering. I know none of that of course, just an educated guess.
Arkanaut: Make soap?
Corvus: Who the fark cares? Your burning the body anyways.
farkingismybusiness: You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shiat, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig."
Uglybarnacle: 800 lbs? holy farking shiat. I can kinda understand why he was having issues getting it into the easy bake oven. What did they expect him to do? use a shrink ray?
El Brujo: I was recently considering the idea of returning to school to get a degree in mortuary science (ie become an embalmer / mortician)While I've certainly been to lots of funerals in my life, all of them have been, obviously, after the body has been prepared.I was thinking about this from a job-security / interesting thing to do that is totally out of left field perspective.On one hand, I really don't know how I would react to the nasty realities of the job (putrid body fluids, decay, mutilated parts, corpse reconstruction, etc etc) I might not even be an able candidate for that sort of work, I don't know...and on the other hand I don't think one starts at much more than 40K a year for that kind of thing.So, I've kinda put that idea on the back burner.
Godscrack: Get him in the ground before he starts to smell.
bucket_pup: Time for a bar-b-que because the secret is in the sauce.[i1180.photobucket.com image 400x321]
Want to see behind the curtain? Try
It's how we feed the squirrel
Sign up for the Fark NotNewsletter!
Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.
When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.
Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.
You need to create an account to submit links or post comments.
Click here to submit a link.
Also on Fark
Submit a Link »
Copyright © 1999 - 2018 Fark, Inc | Last updated: Apr 21 2018 11:38:36
Runtime: 0.513 sec (513 ms)